'Careful and troubled about many things' - (Jesus' words)

Does God have power?

Silly question? Not really. Do you believe God has power?

We live in our own self contain existences, despairing of ever being truly God's because we know the evil in our own hearts, the unrighteous desires to allow ourselves to be unloving of others and God. Okay, I say we, but what I really mean is 'I' ,  I live in my own self contain existence. I despair of truly being God's, because I know constantly the evil (and by evil I mean unloving, uncharitable, selfish, self serving) that lives in me and manifests itself daily in my thoughts. The unrighteous desires such as not wanting to be kind, but rather wanting to rail and rant against the injustice of things asked of me.  Yes, I believe I have the "Mary" Syndrome.

What's the "Mary" Syndrome? I'm glad you asked.  The Mary Syndrome is the desire to be so perfect in word in deed, in heart and spirit that I could be chosen to be used by God in some way. The Mary Syndrome is knowing there HAVE existed women of God, that God has used according to His purpose.  There are Martha's- who complain (like me) and are rebuked.

Luk 10:38  Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.

Luk 10:39  And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.

Luk 10:40  But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

Luk 10:41  And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

Luk 10:42  But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Careful and troubled about many things- that's ME! 

And yet Mary who made the decision NOT to serve or help her sister chose better. Should Martha have not served them, but sat down and listened as Mary did?  It was Martha's instinctive desire to serve those guests in her house- but why? Was it custom, if so how could Jesus say that Mary was doing the 'good part'?  What would have happened if Martha hadn't served them, would they have been hungry, would they have chided her for being a bad hostess? 

Martha was doing what SHE thought was required of her as a good woman, she was thinking of the needs of others and playing her part in taking care of them, but STILL Jesus told her that she didn't choose the 'good part' a part that can't be taken from her. So in essence, Martha chose to serve and in doing so was rushing about here and there in constant motion to fulfil the wants of those there in her house and if you think about it, once those people in her house (including Jesus) were gone, she'd be left with what? The knowledge she'd cared for them, and perhaps a feeling of SELF righteousness in doing her duty towards them, but she would NOT be left with the very important words of Christ. Was serving the others at the expense of Christ's words really a self-serving not a self-less serving?

We do need to think… well I need to think about these things. 

The Mary Syndrome has me wanting to be something I am not by my own personal nature. The Mary Syndrome has be wishing I were naturally kind and loving and had only loving and kind thoughts about others with a desire to love my neighbor and NOT myself. The Mary Syndrome has me wanting to be RIGHT with God and what is wrong with that? Is it perhaps a SELFISH syndrome? That desire to be someone else believing that someone else had it different, that perhaps they were not tempted like I was (am), that they are not sinners like I definitely am and they definitely were? I want to be Christ's. I want to be among the righteous not the sinners. I want to do good, not evil. I want NOT to be the awful person that I know I am. I read God's word and it reveals how far I am from being the person who loves their neighbor and God- from my own nature. 

My nature WARS violently against the Spirit.  My flesh does NOT want to be Spiritual.  And HOW do I separate my flesh nature from my Spirit nature and know which one is the one that is real? By that I mean, how do I know that it's not a bad spirit in me that thing I call the flesh nature?  Is it easier perhaps to call the flesh an evil spirit in us? (Not literally in this discussion, though… )  When my natural inclinations are towards things of the flesh and I have to truly push and force, and cajole the Spirit nature to overrule the flesh, what does that mean?

I'll tell you what it means, it means I'm AT WAR! I'm WARRING.  I'm fighting the good fight! I'm warring against the flesh and knowing with my intelligence (God given) that good is better than evil, spirit is better than flesh.  So while my nature has me embroiled in this WAR (not some tiny little spat or short-lived fight) I must LOGICALLY, intelligently KNOW beyond a doubt right from wrong and no matter how enticing that wrong (and boy can they be incredibly enticing) that wrong is something I should not indulge in and right is something I should indulge in and encourage.

What makes this seem like an impossible feat? The reality that I can war all I want and NEVER prevail if I'm counting on me, myself, and I to win this war.  I will NEVER win this war on my own, never! I can never win a single victory over the flesh on my own (unless it is  something that in reality is a self-serving victory and therefore negated as being a win-Satan loves these little tricks of his.)   I have to get it through my thick, VERY thick skull and very hardened heart, that  I CANNOT do this, I CANNOT change myself, but there is ONE who DIED to be able to do all for me that I cannot do.

This has to be REAL for me.  This has to be TRUTH in my heart that I will NEVER be a naturally good person.  I will never be naturally righteous. Those good thoughts I have are not proof I'm becoming righteous.  I must get it through my thick skull that I will NEVER be righteous but Christ will be righteous for me.  When the Bible talks about us being righteous it is us choosing Christ and allowing Christ in us so that we are able to choose right over wrong.

God has POWER.  God has the ability to CLEAN MY HEART. God has the ability to make me WHITER THAN SNOW. 

Paul warred and I relate to the war he waged.  'Oh wretched man that I am.' His words!  And I can shout the same thing for me. 'Oh wretched woman that I am!'   Who is going to save me from my wretchedness? Who is going to save me from my unrighteousness? Who is going to understand that my natural man is warring against my spiritual man? 

ONLY CHRIST JESUS MY LORD and SAVIOR!

I thank GOD that He can save me from my wicked self!

IF there is supposed to be some miraculous change in my nature where I suddenly no longer behave unrighteous in all things, that I naturally think all good and righteous thoughts then GOD will perform that miracle. I have to believe that He will do all for me that I simply cannot do try as I might. No I won't stop chiding myself over the various uncharitable attitudes that come from me, I have to because I'm in this war.  I must recognize constantly the sin in me so I may seek true repentance, a true desire to be Christ's and not my own. 

Christ has the power! Please Savior, save me from my self!

I am helpless to save myself. I am helpless to be that person I know I should be doing the things I know I should (or should not) do.  With my MIND I WILL be that person! With my mind I will trust in my Savior who has the power to change all that needs to be changed in me.  He can do this through HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS!

So while I know my uncharitable thoughts and feelings are wrong and NOT of God, and I feel helpless to change those thoughts and feelings, I must rely upon my MIND to tell me they are wrong and undesirable.  I must ask for forgiveness for that NATURAL part of me, that part that can claim 'I am what I am like it or leave it', that awful part of me that is the natural self that says such things must be silenced by God. I know the right from wrong, the light that has been given to me and I must NEVER try to call wrong right, or right wrong.  I must CONFESS my faults and seek forgiveness for them, never excuse them by the grace of God!

Please FATHER in heaven, PLEASE save me from myself. Take me, all of me and use Your power to let me belong to You and Your only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. Let me be YOURS, please, Lord, let me be YOURS! 

Amen.