Mountain Climbing and Horse Riding... Really?

 I can do this, I want to do this, I have to do this, this is something I really, really want to do. Everything in me wants to do this…so yes, I will do this. I'm here, I'm in the right place and there's nothing to stop me. I don't have to go anywhere. I don't have anything more pressing to do. I have plenty of time, in fact as far as time is concerned there is suddenly a whole lot more of it than there has been in many, many years. So, let's do this. It will be fine, everything is fine, everything is okay, this is a good thing. Get back on that proverbial horse and start riding. Jump on that bike and keep on going. Oh come on, there are more sayings but I'm not going to quote them all.

The situation I'm in is demanding the use of those sayings because I was thrown off the horse, and when I was thrown off the horse I rolled down a mountain. I was going to say hill, but it was a mountain. I was on top of that huge mountain and it was so high there was snow surrounding us in the middle of summer (that's some tall mountain- right?) Just me, my horse and the mountain. I love that mountain top, but the way down that mountain, I didn't love- not so much. I've spent the last 27 years climbing that mountain. There have been some small slips, a few tumbles, but never a fall far enough down to take me off that mountain. Tell me, what mountain climbers don't run into a few obstacles here and there and make a few slips, always hoping they never take that huge fall that repels them off the mountain entirely. Well, as I said, I've been climbing this mountain for 27 years and then… even though there were indicators that things weren't quite right with the climb, I never let myself think about falling off the horse and down the mountain. Horse, mountains, climbing, falling, what in the world am I talking about. 

I know that if you know me at this moment in time you most likely are understanding each and every metaphor I'm making. I was thrown off the horse (the normalcy of my entire life) and down the mountain (my life connected to my husband's for 27 years). Now here I am at the bottom of that mountain and I'm no longer allowed to climb it ever again- in fact- that mountain has disappeared leaving only an echo of its memory that it existed. I could pretend it's still there, but if I do I'll keep wanting to climb on something that is no longer viable, no longer life sustaining. My climbing would only be trying to live in the memories. I need to get back on my horse, and I need to start up the new mountain of my life (Mount Matt-Dor). I can and will carry a huge backpack- similar to a certain Nanny's carpetbag, and a certain Doctor's police box, containing a lot of room filled with memories of Mount Jer-Dor, but it will still be a new mountain to climb.  

Now, before I veered off on this strange, strange tangent, I was somewhere else and I have to jump back to the why of this day's writing and get off the proverbial tale onto reality's path. 

I can do this, I want to do this…  remember, that's what I said earlier. But, I couldn't do it even though I wanted desperately to do so.

I sat down at Jerry's scroll saw. I had time (as previously expounded on) and there was something special I wanted to work on, something I'd started before Jerry passed, before I was thrown off the mountain. I'd spent time creating the pattern, choosing the wood, sanding the wood, taping the wood, putting the pattern on the wood, drilling all the many little holes into the wood and I had actually scroll sawed out the numbers -2022- ALL before Jerry was gone, and I was thrown violently off my proverbial horse. 

What was I scroll sawing? A small ornament/refrigerator magnet (it had the potential to be either) wood cutting of two beautiful service dogs born at the Service Dog Project in Ipswich MA. I enjoyed scroll sawing things for their annual Dog Fest for them to sell or give away as they chose to do. My hope was always for them to sell them to make money to use towards their non-profit Service Dog organization, but if giving them away endeared anyone else to help them it just didn't matter where those scroll saw cuttings went or to whom. Last year I did nothing- Jerry was in rehab/hospitals etc and I just didn't have time. This year with him having returned home in April, I thought I'd have time- I was heartbreakingly wrong. 

Back to the present- or rather the past, but just a few days ago- I sat down at Jerry's scroll saw (it will always be his, always) and I took out a scroll saw blade and I roughed up the top and bottom edges as needed, then I put it in the clamps setting it just right. Then I took up the little SDP Dog Fest cutting I'd started already and then…. I couldn't… I just could NOT put that cutting to the blade… I tried… but then I was crying too hard to do anything but cry. 

Every single thing to do with scroll sawing was taught to me by Jerry, everything! He was talking about getting back out to the garage and doing some scroll sawing- only days before he died! I was so overcome by the sharp arrow of pain stuck in my chest, that pain of the purest grief, that I could do nothing but push myself away from the scroll saw and succumb to the huge tidal wave of agony surrounding me.  I praise God that this grief was a tidal wave, and not a storm, because it washed over me dragging me through an ocean of tears and then pushed me up onto the sandy shore of respite where I grasped for the phone and called my sister Beth. I needed to touch base with one of several emotional life support human angels in my life and she answered this particular call.

I tried to get on the horse. The horse let me back on easily enough and I even felt rather comfortable in the familiar saddle, feet in the old worn stirrups, hands gripping the leather reins of my life, and but then as my lifelong companion took the first real step forward I yanked back so hard on those reins she had no choice but to rear up and throw me off once again. Only this time, I didn't have too far to go, this new mountain isn't very tall yet. I accidentally fell into my carpet bag, police box and let myself be surrounded by the memories of my old mountain but only for a little while- at least in some ways it was a little while, time is very strange in that bag and box of memories. 

I was told by my sister angel, Beth that it wasn't time for me to try and go to that particular place, that my new mountain wasn't quite ready for it (no, she didn't quite say that, but you know what I mean). I wasn't ready to begin scroll sawing yet, not now, but I will be some day. I don't know when, I may have to get thrown off my horse a few more times who knows, but I won't give up riding, I won't give up ascending the new mountain of my life. The wreckage left from my tumble off Mount Jer-Dor is still too new, the wounds still healing, being torn open and resewn over and over. It won't always be like this and I know that, and I thank God that I have HIM to keep on healing me! He sends me human angels when I need them.  If you're reading this, you might just be one of my human angels and if you are, thank you, and God bless you! I might be calling/messaging you one day in distress and I know you'll be there ready to give me the healing and love, the help only a human angel can give. 

Praise God for His amazing love! All glory to Him for His uplifting joy! As I continue to live this life of mine, I pray He is with me in every storm, in every tidal wave, in every joy, and every moment I am alive, may I serve Him, and may His will be done, always!  All through JESUS CHRIST MY LORD now and forever!!!!!!! Amen!  

Pray.

 'Laboring fervently for you in prayers.'  Did you read that- laboring fervently- in praying!  Do we pray fervent prayers? Are we passionate in our praying for others or simply matter-of-fact, routinely name dropping with a touch of something extra in the way of a request? What does it mean to 'labor fervently'?  If I were to tell you I labored fervently today what would you imagine? That whatever work I was undertaking I was doing so really eagerly, really absorbed, really passionate about the job I was doing. We can work fervently at whatever we want to. You could hold a job as a waiter and be very passionate about your job- serving others with an outstanding attitude of helpfulness, attentiveness, cheerfully. You could be a judge in court and fervently do your work- paying the utmost attention to the cases you're residing over, being truly concerned beyond hurrying through the cases on your docket. Being enthusiastic for what we are doing isn't being outrageous. Being caught up in your labor because your heart is in it, is a good thing. 

Laboring fervently in prayers for others. This is a gift truly, to be able to pray such prayers that you can be commended for doing so. 

If I labor in prayer for you, I am entreating God for you in a real, very meaningful way. I am spending time to pray, I am truly speaking to God on your behalf. God- our Creator, God- our Father, God- who is love, God- who gave us His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ! 

We need to be prayer warriors, but, and I say this with all the conviction of truth I possess- we are not all called to prayer warriors to the extreme. Yes, we are ALL called to pray, every single one of us! We are to pray for one another and yes, those prayers should be prayed fervently. Some people are called to be prayer warriors as a way of life though. Their calling, their part of the belonging to the body of Christ- is prayer warrior.

Please, take the time to read the entire following passage. This is Paul writing a salutation and giving praise to so many, please note Col. 4:12 as you read. 

You will see that all are called to pray. Paul then makes note of various people- Tychicus- faithful minister, comforter of hearts. Onesimus, faithful and one who can relay circumstance. Aristarchus, Marcus, Justus- fellowworkers. There are more- keep reading. But one stands out, Epaphras, he stands out as a prayer warrior, one who prays fervently, one who has great zeal.   

We all need to pray as I said already, we do, and from our hearts. Just know that if you're not one who has eloquent words in prayers, that the Holy Spirit will say what we cannot.

Rom 8:26  Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 

May God help us pray as we ought, and rely upon the Holy Spirit where we fail to know what to speak.  Are you a prayer warrior, it's okay if you're not in the sense that it is your gift. You can be a little prayer warrior, not super prayer warrior, God gives us all gifts according to His will.

Pray, pray always in all prayer and supplication… pray daily prayers, pray fervently…. No matter what… PRAY!  

All by the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ now and forever!!!!!!! Amen! 

Col 4:1  Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven. 

Further Instructions

Col 4:2  Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving; 

Col 4:3  Withal praying also for us, that God would open unto us a door of utterance, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in bonds: 

Col 4:4  That I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak. 

Col 4:5  Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. 

Col 4:6  Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. 

Final Greetings

Col 4:7  All my state shall Tychicus declare unto you, who is a beloved brother, and a faithful minister and fellowservant in the Lord: 

Col 4:8  Whom I have sent unto you for the same purpose, that he might know your estate, and comfort your hearts; 

Col 4:9  With Onesimus, a faithful and beloved brother, who is one of you. They shall make known unto you all things which are done here. 

Col 4:10  Aristarchus my fellowprisoner saluteth you, and Marcus, sister's son to Barnabas, (touching whom ye received commandments: if he come unto you, receive him;) 

Col 4:11  And Jesus, which is called Justus, who are of the circumcision. These only are my fellowworkers unto the kingdom of God, which have been a comfort unto me. 

Col 4:12  Epaphras, who is one of you, a servant of Christ, saluteth you, always labouring fervently for you in prayers, that ye may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God. 

Col 4:13  For I bear him record, that he hath a great zeal for you, and them that are in Laodicea, and them in Hierapolis. 

Col 4:14  Luke, the beloved physician, and Demas, greet you. 

Col 4:15  Salute the brethren which are in Laodicea, and Nymphas, and the church which is in his house. 

Col 4:16  And when this epistle is read among you, cause that it be read also in the church of the Laodiceans; and that ye likewise read the epistle from Laodicea. 

Col 4:17  And say to Archippus, Take heed to the ministry which thou hast received in the Lord, that thou fulfil it. 

Col 4:18  The salutation by the hand of me Paul. Remember my bonds. Grace be with you. Amen. Written from Rome to Colossians by Tychicus and Onesimus. 

 

Are You In the Fire?

 Tried with FIRE. 

What? Did you think that meant you'd be tried with a tiny flame of a candle barely warming your flesh? Is that what we imagine it should be? Our FAITH is tried, whether we like it or not. And there is only one way to get out of that trial by fire and that is by choosing not to have faith. And EVEN then, you are not guaranteed to have no trials in your life- it's not an instant care free, trial free, easy going life from there on in. Nope. It just means all your pains and heartaches are not accomplishing any refining of faith- they are meaningless. 

Fire is an awful, wondrous thing. Fire destroys and gives life. Fire shapes metals into objects, fire melts metals so they can be poured into molds. When silver or gold are refined the extreme heat of the fire it tremendous. We can think of a white hot poker in a fire and imagine it being pressed against flesh, the agony of that heat, that burning it horrific. Now for a moment realize- the poker wasn't heated to a melting point. 

(Silver's melting point- 1,763 degrees Fahrenheit or 961.8 degrees Celsius) (Gold's melting point- 1,943 degrees Fahrenheit (1,062 degrees Celsius)

A fire that hot allows those metals to be refined. If we don't consider the intense heat of a refiner's fire we aren't comprehending the intense spiritual fire we must endure.

Your life might consist of one awful trial after another and you might be in that refiner's fire for an awfully long time- so long you're sure it might destroy you, but perhaps you are so incredibly special to God and the plans He has for you that He is taking a long time to refine you.

Is this truth?  It's an analogy of truth. We are given this analogy so we can apply it to our lives and know that even in the hottest of refining fires God is with us. Satan would have us believe God has tossed us into a fire of evil, a punishment, a faith destroying furnace. If we allow ourselves to believe Satan, we will be stripped of faith in God, stripped of hope in salvation. Satan wants us to believe the waking nightmares we live in are a result of God punishing us, not refining us. The evil one will us each and every fire trial in our lives to push his agenda - that God has forsaken us, left us to suffer endlessly. Can our lives right now be those of endless suffering and God still be in our lives- guiding us? Yes. Endless suffering right now, is temporary to eternity. No matter how long we suffer through our lives, never having it easy, always facing trial and tribulations, escalating as we endure, God's eternity awaits beyond it all. This is our HOPE. 

My heart breaks for the suffering all around me that so many have to endure. I wish I could ease their pain, their agonies of living. I pray for their relief, I pray for their faith, I pray they see past the pain to eternity's promise. I pray I too will see past my pain in the same way, I am so far from being without complaint. Please, Lord, forever be our hope! Please, keep us from the Devil's snare! Please, keep us from evil! Please, keep us from despair. All through the love of Jesus Christ, Your only begotten Son! Jesus walked through the refiner's fire, though He had no impurities to refine. Jesus felt the fiery trials we endure- every one of them in a way we can't fully comprehend. He knows… He knows and He loves us so much! May we be His always!

1Pe_1:7  That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ

The Mail.

 A simple task, an ordinary day to day occurrence, why has it become a long walk of dread? I'm talking about walking to get The Mail each day. Our mailbox is situated at the end of our driveway. It's really not a long walk and only slightly downhill from the house and of course a bit uphill from the street. No hills are involved really, it's more of a gradual incline but does anyone really care about the details of the slope-- there you go-- it's a slope, ah, it doesn't matter! 

So why am I going on and on about the stupid driveway! It's a distraction, nothing more, something to keep me from getting to a point because that point, that awful point brings pain. The Mail.

Let's back up a bit though, and not on driveway specs- as riveting as they can be in all there up and down way. I haven't even touched on the side to side driveway aspect but I'm more than quite sure you don't want me to- there are weeds involved. You know some driveways have side to side cracks- and some even have deliberate separation lines- come on, I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Those weeds that sprout up in the driveway crack/lines are a testament to nature's ability to take over if we'd only let it. But we frown upon weeds and those driveway weeds know it. 

Did I get off track again? Back to … The Mail.

I'm biting the proverbial bullet now, or I am in a few moments, I have to mention the mailbox itself first. It's crooked. How can I describe its crookedness and do it justice? We have one of those wooden posts with a black plastic box attached to it -mailboxes…and well, it's been pushed a little bit too far to the right possibly by a vehicle, okay, almost definitely by a vehicle getting a bit too close to it. So push it back you say. Well, we do that from time to time but the mailbox likes to wander rightward in spite of our pushing ever since that initial push. 

Now, the slightly right mailbox isn't too bad, but there are aspects of the plastic black box that are bad- but they haven't been bad enough to take emergency - no mail will be delivered to this broken down mailbox- action. The mailbox has been this way for oh, a couple years now. Please, do not judge, please. I know mailboxes aren't supposed to bit broke, but…   This slightly right mailbox ALSO has a door flap that will not shut unless you push it properly, something that many a mail carrier has no time to waste doing in their daily race to get all the mail in the mailboxes. So, what happens when 79.9 %  of the mail carriers (yes, I made up that number, I'm not a mathematician by any stretch of the imagination) what happens when they don't close the mail box properly? You guessed it, the mail put inside it is vulnerable. The door flap on the mailbox is a protector from people, weather, insects, and any other mailbox intruders that exist. Without that plastic protection here in southwest Florida in the summer time especially, the poor mail has a tendency to get soaked by afternoon thunderstorms. 

Now… now a heart hurt begins, right this moment it hurts practically as if I'm outside this moment standing in front of the mailbox. He…he… Jerry, kept telling me… for the last month of his life off and on… and the words are etched so deep in my brain they are forever connected with The Mail- I can't unhear them whenever I get The Mail, I just can't. "We need to get a new mailbox." 

I didn't get a new mailbox, and I don't know why. He received several soaked pieces of mail and we all know dried out wet mail is all crinkled and just not properly flat mail. He wanted a new mail box. Why didn't I get the mailbox?! I have no answer. I just didn't think about it when I was in a store I suppose. I know eventually I would have bought a new mailbox, I would have I just didn't have it on the high priority list. I should have, I really should have, it would have made him happy. Don't get me wrong, he didn't say we needed a new mailbox every day, just occasionally. On the days the mail was wet- it was a reminder to him as well to say something.

I don't have the answer as to why I didn't get a new mailbox, I don't. And I've been told recently not to have regrets, but I do. Selfishly now for more reasons than one, I should have bought a new mailbox when I had the chance, when money wasn't as huge an issue. Is that a horrible thought to have? Maybe it is, it probably is. So many grief guilts pop up all over the place.

There's one more mailbox tidbit and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this… the little red mailbox flag has added insult to injury and revolted some time ago- back when the mailbox was first pushed sideways a bit. It resides inside the mail box unless I need to force it to do its job when I'm mailing a letter. It's a tricky little bit of forcing and when I go out to get The Mail after mailing a letter 99.8% of the time it's on the ground because when the mail carrier pushes it down like they are trained to do, it falls off. I told you the flag revolted against its position on the mailbox. Yes, I do need a new mailbox, but now… now I don't imagine it's going to be a priority at all. If I didn't get one when Jerry mentioned it, why would I do it now? 

Do you know, I REALLY didn't intend to talk about the mailbox when I started this… I was going to talk about The Mail. I avoided that, because The Mail that I get every day of the week except one-- still thinks my love is alive and I can't bring myself to tell it otherwise. 

So, I will keep spilling The Mail tears for right now when I see your name on most of the mail, the tears- they are needed… and I will try not to look at the mailbox with too much regret. I hear his voice in my mind, in my memory, of his forever unfulfilled request- "We need to get a new mailbox." My reply was always, "Yes, we do."  So why didn't I?

God tells me to look ahead to the future and Him, not at things behind. I will pray for this specific regret to slowly fade, or at least slowly lose its loudness. 

Php 3:13  … but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 

Php 3:14  I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Please, Lord Jesus, please help me to forget those things which are behind that bring regret and guilt. I know you forgive me, I know Jerry would have forgiven me. Help me to forgive myself in the small things and all things. All through YOUR amazing LOVE! In Jesus' name now and forever!!!!!!! Amen! 

Choose Eternity Over Temporary.

 Jesus speaks of Satan as a very real being. So why do we live our lives as if he doesn't exist? Satan wants anyone that dares to belong to Jesus. Do you remember reading these verses- 

Luk 22:31,32  And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

Jesus told Simon outright that Satan desire to have him, and Jesus even goes a step further and tells Simon why Satan wants him.  Satan wants to SIFT Simon as wheat.

(Wheat Sifting- 

The first step in the process of sifting wheat is to loosen the chaff from the edible grain, which is called threshing. The old-fashioned way to do this is to spread the wheat onto a floor made from stone, concrete or tamped earth and to beat it with a flail. **Internet Source**)

Threshing- beating with a flail. They have to tear apart the wheat stalk to get to the kernel within which is what is ground into flour. To sift a person as you sift wheat would be to beat them apart until there is only a tiny bit of them left. Satan desired Simon in order to destroy him.

Why do you imagine our Savior would tell Simon this? Did Simon believe Satan was real? Jesus believed Satan was real, Simon did, they all did. No one doubted Satan's existence because they knew the reality of this adversary in their lives. This evil being who first conceived of sin and in that sin - that rebellion against God, he introduced all the evil we know

In our own lives we have witnessed firsthand evil's existence. And in recognizing the evil we know there is an opposite to that evil. We know deep down inside of us there exists a tiny kernel of hope, and each of us has a chance to do something with that knowledge. Our adversary will do all he can to make us crush the tiny hope so that it doesn't grow. The lies he tells us are too numerous to count. He tailor makes hope crushing lies for each of us. These lies fit us perfectly. He knows where to place doubt, where to sow despair, how to twist our thoughts so we infuse ourselves with anger, hatred, selfishness, pride but only so that we justify it all by any means necessary so we can live with the evil growing within us. 

Jesus takes that tiny seed of hope and offers to help it grow. Love grows the hope in us and if we let it, if we let Jesus, He will take the self out of us and with that self gone we are no longer able to nurture the evil Satan wants us to serve. 

It's a lifelong process, daily choosing to allow Jesus to bring to life the hope He planted inside of us. We choose. People don't always get that part. We have to choose daily. Because it is a choice in so many ways- people get lost comprehending. We are to 'take up our cross daily'. We are to 'die daily'. We are to ask for our 'daily bread'. A daily cross means a daily recognition of our Savior and the selflessness that He would have us emulate. Dying daily to self and all the evil that stems from our self-serving- mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, we are to look outward for our hope not inwards. That seed grows outward ever expanding not remaining cuddled deep inside us, hidden under Satan's evil where no light of Christ can touch it-if that's what we choose.

We really are the one who does the choosing though. We choose. Sure, go ahead and choose to let Satan sift you as what- just remember he will just as soon kill you with sweet kindness, as flail you to death with heartaches, pain, agonies of living- depriving you of all hope. You see, everyone has tragedies to mar their lives, anxieties to flood their soul, unfair happenstances every single day, but those who live with that seed of growing hope comprehend those things are not how they were originally meant to be- and there is a way for them to one day live that life free of all evil. 

Can those who choose not to allow Jesus to nurture the seed of hope live happy lives? Yes. It will be a happy life with a hopeless end. 

Choose wisely, choose eternity over temporary, please. Choose hope. Don't be deceived by your pride. 

Choose Christ as you find Him in the Word of God. You don't have to join a church, you can worship Him all by yourself if you need to. Choose Jesus, ask Jesus to come into your heart to forgive you any intentional sin or sins of ignorance. Choose to allow love to grow in you, a love that is eternal. 

Jer_17:7  Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

Tit_2:13  Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ 

Satan would have us be his- and remember he can sift you as wheat pulverizing every part of you to keep you from love's eternity, and he can do it any way he chooses- blatantly with a torturous existence, or stealthily with an almost fairy tale life. 

Please, Lord, please, bless any who read this with a very special blessing. Jesus prayed for Peter - that his faith fail not, and Jesus prayed for us to be kept from evil and in being kept from evil -our faith will fail not. Please, Father, keep us from evil! Please bless and keep us always in You! Let the hope you put inside us grow in Your love, now and always! Amen!

Truth Tellers.

 Truth tellers. Are you a truth teller? Is there any guile in you?

We need to be truth tellers, and the truth is- Jesus is going to return for His people-- the truth tellers. 

When we speak truth we are speaking of Jesus and His ways, a truth teller is a Jesus speaker. Yes, I said it, a Jesus speaker is a truth teller. I could lie to you. I could keep my mouth perfectly shut, my lips tightly sealed. In fact, I do that, I don't speak much aloud- my speaking is through my written words. Am I ashamed of the truth I need to tell, is that why in conversation you may find me close to silent on my living, breathing, life-giving religion?  No, at least I pray not. My shame is in not being able to confront and speak boldly my beliefs, but it's not the beliefs that keep me silent, it's my overwhelming desire to crawl into a shell around others and keep close to silent rather than spark any controversy. Does that mean I'm ashamed of my beliefs? NO. I'm ashamed of my inability to share those beliefs in such a way I don't ignite conflict from the opposing viewers. The disciples and apostles were NOT afraid of the confrontations and conflicts that the truth they shared ignited. Paul alone suffered brutally at the hands of truth haters. What is it about me that makes me keep my mouth shut- verbally? I am not a preacher! Is that my excuse? Is it a good enough excuse?  

I have a whole bunch (four or five) tee shirts with Jesus type sayings on them. I do want the world to know how I believe, but I want words other than those that come from my mouth to speak for me. I'm not ashamed. Those tee shirts have engaged me with strangers quite often- a quick word in passing- "Hey, I like your shirt!" Or, "That's right, I'm with you!" Or, "I believe too!" Or, "Where can I get that shirt?"  And I don't ignore these strangers, I respond to them, but it's not always easy. 

My tee-shirts proclaim my Christianity, but to delve into the truth on a much deeper level- I'd need an electronic scrolling tee-shirt (think miniature electronic billboard), that could contain so much more than just a few words. Then I'd need someone who could take a few hours to read my shirt message- not feasible. 

Why is this weighing heavily enough of my heart to write about? Because I want to be a truth teller, not ashamed of my truth, I want to share with others the beautiful message that truth is. Today, nostalgia for many years ago when my sister and I would give Bible studies hit me hard. Being on fire for truth, so much so we couldn't keep our mouths shut. All our friends and family were exposed to our zeal for this truth. Bible seminars had us right there at the forefront ushering people into the auditoriums handing out that night's programs. We went door to door asking for offerings, eager to spread the truth to any who showed interest. These were things we did forty years ago- in our beginning. And now…

Now we have no organized church to belong to, no forty, fifty, a hundred, two hundred  congregational believers to fellowship with. We stand alone, the church we joined having left their first love, having left their truth - choosing lies instead. We hold fast to the truth, the very unpopular, strange to those not inclined to deep Biblical exegesis- truth. 

When our Savior tells us to search as for hid treasure, that His word…2Ti_3:16… is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 1Pe 2:2  As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby…2Ti_2:15  Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.    

When our Savior tells us all that truth and we choose to not dig deep into the given word of truth, we are accountable for that- eternally accountable. Once you know truth you cannot unknow that truth and you are accountable to that truth.

Heb 5:1114  Of whom we have many things to say, and hard to be uttered, seeing ye are dull of hearing.  For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.  But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. 

Truth tellers are those walking the narrow way. Truth tellers are among the few that will find the narrow way. Truth tellers are unpopular. Truth tellers are called lunatics, fanatics, deluded, crazy. Truth tellers love not the world nor the things in the world. Truth tellers have their treasures in heaven. Truth tellers will drink of the cup… 

Mat 20:22  But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able. 

Mat 20:23  And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with…

Rom 8:17  And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. 

2Co 1:5  For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. 

2Co 1:6  And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. 

2Co 1:7  And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation. 

2Ti 2:11  It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: 

2Ti 2:12  If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: 

Rev 1:9  I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the isle that is called Patmos, for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ. 

Jesus will stand on Mount Zion, and with Jesus 144,000 people with the name of Jesus on their foreheads. 144,000 people learning the song of those redeemed from earth, a song only they can learn. Undefiled - not deceived by the harlot- the apostate truth. Pure in truth. Pure in following Jesus wherever He goes. First fruits to God and Jesus. Truth tellers before the throne of God. 

May God help me be a truth teller even if I must suffer ridicule, be dismissed as being a touch unhinged, shunned and silenced, may I truly place my treasure in HEAVEN, unconcerned for the acceptance of the world! If I lose all my friends it will be just like this truth right from the lips of our Savior--

Mat 16:24  Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 

Mat 16:25  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 

Mat 16:26  For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? 

Mat 16:27  For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works. 

What profit do I have if I gain/keep even a single friendship if I lose my own soul? 

God, please, keep me in Your truth always, give me a voice where you want my voice to be heard- aloud or written, use me for Your service, now and forever! In Jesus' name, amen!

Rev 14:1-5  And I looked, and, lo, a Lamb stood on the mount Sion, and with him an hundred forty and four thousand, having his Father's name written in their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven, as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of a great thunder: and I heard the voice of harpers harping with their harps:  And they sung as it were a new song before the throne, and before the four beasts, and the elders: and no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth. These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb. And in their mouth was found no guile: for they are without fault before the throne of God. 

Your Silence.

 The quiet. Why is my life so quiet without you? It's a theme that hits me over and over, the quiet being so much more than no sound.  I hear sounds all around me, you know the sounds. My own breathing, my own footsteps, the words I speak to the cat and the reply -a mewling kittenish meow. I hear the noises of existence, but the absence of you has created such a huge void in the sounds of my life.  When you were still here I could be alone out in the garden, but the noise of your presence was with me there, your words echoing in my mind. That okra I cut was a part of you, for you, because the dirt was tilled and rows furrowed, the tiny seeds dropped no more than an inch deep into the ground. Covering the seeds, the watering began- each day enough until the sprouts broke through. I heard your voice, I saw your smile because I told you the okra was growing. You had no doubt it would grow, yet the joy of knowing was so pleasing to you, to us. Not days, not weeks, but months and the first flower opened- soon, so soon baby okra pods, and your joy. You were there so loud in my garden every day. The okra grew for you and now it is silently fading, the noise of you in my garden dying along with the tall, almost leafless stalks and last pods waiting to be picked. The noise of you then - is the slow silencing of you now. I hear your joy for a moment, I smile in remembrance, then I cry in remembering I can only hear your joy in echoes of the past. Yes, they say everyone grieves differently and there are commonalities in all grief- it's true. Do they speak of the quiet? Of a stilled presence? Do you know how loud you are just in existing? Is this why a person not seen or heard from in years can pass away and still be mourned bitterly? Their existence adds to the silencing of a world, each of our worlds slipping into that silence. One silencing after another. We never stop missing them. We never stop hearing the echo of their lives replaying in our minds. The echoes bring smiles and tears -sometimes both at once. 

I know the quiet around me from your absence will never be completely filled again. New noises will take over, they have to take over, they have to slip in to fill a void that would otherwise be too consuming. I can listen to the sound of my breathing, I can no longer listen to yours, I can no longer listen to our breathing together. I hear my breath in the quiet and I feel alone. Two flesh become one in marriage, two breaths become one. I understand now why this one flesh becomes two again, and the emptiness, that void so incredibly huge, that death brings- why it exists. Death has torn us into two, you sleep your deepest most peaceful sleep, and I am awake. Jesus wept when a beloved friend of His died, He wept, He mourned. Jesus wept over the spiritually sleeping- those who chose and choose to be separate from Him. 

There is pain in death, death has a sting and we cannot ignore that sting with platitudes seeking to soothe. Recognizing the sting of death, the horrors of death, is how we can comprehend why our Savior came to save us- He will end death. Jesus Christ my Savior will END DEATH. What a wondrous, glorious God, promising us an end to death and all the incredible agonies it brings.

You've grown silent my love, and I must feel the sting of that silence for the rest of my life. As the noise of you slowly fades and I can no longer share my joys- the simple, yet miraculous joy of an okra pod ready to be picked, fried and eaten- I can grasp hold of the memories of that past joy and for now - try to smile. 

1Co 15:55  O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? 

1Co 15:56  The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. 

1Co 15:57  But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 

1Co 15:51  Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 

1Co 15:52  In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 

1Co 15:53  For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 

1Co 15:54  So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.