Your Silence.

 The quiet. Why is my life so quiet without you? It's a theme that hits me over and over, the quiet being so much more than no sound.  I hear sounds all around me, you know the sounds. My own breathing, my own footsteps, the words I speak to the cat and the reply -a mewling kittenish meow. I hear the noises of existence, but the absence of you has created such a huge void in the sounds of my life.  When you were still here I could be alone out in the garden, but the noise of your presence was with me there, your words echoing in my mind. That okra I cut was a part of you, for you, because the dirt was tilled and rows furrowed, the tiny seeds dropped no more than an inch deep into the ground. Covering the seeds, the watering began- each day enough until the sprouts broke through. I heard your voice, I saw your smile because I told you the okra was growing. You had no doubt it would grow, yet the joy of knowing was so pleasing to you, to us. Not days, not weeks, but months and the first flower opened- soon, so soon baby okra pods, and your joy. You were there so loud in my garden every day. The okra grew for you and now it is silently fading, the noise of you in my garden dying along with the tall, almost leafless stalks and last pods waiting to be picked. The noise of you then - is the slow silencing of you now. I hear your joy for a moment, I smile in remembrance, then I cry in remembering I can only hear your joy in echoes of the past. Yes, they say everyone grieves differently and there are commonalities in all grief- it's true. Do they speak of the quiet? Of a stilled presence? Do you know how loud you are just in existing? Is this why a person not seen or heard from in years can pass away and still be mourned bitterly? Their existence adds to the silencing of a world, each of our worlds slipping into that silence. One silencing after another. We never stop missing them. We never stop hearing the echo of their lives replaying in our minds. The echoes bring smiles and tears -sometimes both at once. 

I know the quiet around me from your absence will never be completely filled again. New noises will take over, they have to take over, they have to slip in to fill a void that would otherwise be too consuming. I can listen to the sound of my breathing, I can no longer listen to yours, I can no longer listen to our breathing together. I hear my breath in the quiet and I feel alone. Two flesh become one in marriage, two breaths become one. I understand now why this one flesh becomes two again, and the emptiness, that void so incredibly huge, that death brings- why it exists. Death has torn us into two, you sleep your deepest most peaceful sleep, and I am awake. Jesus wept when a beloved friend of His died, He wept, He mourned. Jesus wept over the spiritually sleeping- those who chose and choose to be separate from Him. 

There is pain in death, death has a sting and we cannot ignore that sting with platitudes seeking to soothe. Recognizing the sting of death, the horrors of death, is how we can comprehend why our Savior came to save us- He will end death. Jesus Christ my Savior will END DEATH. What a wondrous, glorious God, promising us an end to death and all the incredible agonies it brings.

You've grown silent my love, and I must feel the sting of that silence for the rest of my life. As the noise of you slowly fades and I can no longer share my joys- the simple, yet miraculous joy of an okra pod ready to be picked, fried and eaten- I can grasp hold of the memories of that past joy and for now - try to smile. 

1Co 15:55  O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? 

1Co 15:56  The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. 

1Co 15:57  But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 

1Co 15:51  Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 

1Co 15:52  In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 

1Co 15:53  For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 

1Co 15:54  So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.

Not Far From the Kingdom of God.

 

Mar 12:32  And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he: 

Mar 12:33  And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. 

Mar 12:34  And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question

Burnt offerings and sacrifices, these were required by God. The Ceremonial law was given by God and followed by God's chosen people. Yet, even as they took their lamb, their goat, their dove and sacrificed it - spilled its blood- gave its life, if they did not give it with a heart towards God and their fellow man, it meant nothing. How many sacrifices were made by people that counted for absolutely nothing? They walked away from their offering believing they'd done their bit, they went through the proper motions, made the effort and so because they'd done all that it meant their sins were forgiven and they were right with God. Yet going through the motions is not what God intended. Every single sacrifice made was to be offered from a contrite heart. When the sacrifices lacked contrition on the part of the giver, when the heart was void of remorse how could the sacrifice mean a single thing? 

You and I could not imagine taking an animal to a temple priest and taking part in ending the life of that animal, watching the blood be spilled, witnessing the life quickly ended, the last breath given. To those who had to do this often they could very quickly become numbed to the horror of it, just as today many a butcher who actually wields the weapon of death become immune to any feelings that might be associated with the killings. All part of life, an endless cycle, a job that must be done and so on and so forth.

The man who spoke these words- Mar 12:33  And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. 

He was a part of the ceremonial law in burnt offerings and sacrifices- and he dared to say to Jesus that loving God the Father with all the heart and understanding, with all the soul and strength…and to love his neighbor… were MORE than ALL the burnt offerings and sacrifices, well this was astonishing really.  This man was claiming that LOVE- the heart- was better than the service set up to forgive man of their sins. How could he say such a thing? He could say it because without that LOVE those sacrifices were powerless. This man recognized the heart involvement was the power behind all the sacrifices and offerings. The people of God had forgotten the heart of it all and turned it into a true den of thieves stealing the love that belonged to God. Yes, moneychangers - buyers and sellers- had taken up in the temple exchanging their money and goods- they were thieves in the temple and they robbed God of so much by spoiling what was to be sacred. Their money alone didn't taint the temple, their darkened hearts void of love plunged it into the criminal sanctuary Jesus entered. 

Jesus told the man who recognized love's proper place that he wasn't far from the kingdom of God. God's kingdom is love. God is love. Our loving God is everything because from that love we can love! 

God wants us to LOVE with His love, to choose love above all. Love is shown in so many, many ways.

May God help us to comprehend like that man, that love is worth more than anything else we can attempt to offer Him. May we realize the place of love in our lives. We may not live in a system of animal sacrifice and offerings as this man did, but our hearts can grow hard and cold in our recognition of the sacrifice and offering of our LORD, our SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST. May our hearts not be turned to stone, but remain flesh, filled with the love we need, the love we must have to not be far from the kingdom of God! 

Tears In His Bottle.

 How often do you see someone crying in public? A stranger in tears? Can you recall the last time you saw someone you didn't know consumed by sadness? I can. I was in the hospital visiting my husband, who unfortunately spent much of his last year alive in and out of hospitals. I was riding the elevator down from the fourth floor and it stopped at the third floor and in entered two people. I can't really tell you what they looked like and for once it's not because my introverted nature keeps me from giving anyone more than a quick glance and often a small smile before I look away. It's only polite not to really look at others, right? Not too long a look anyways. When the two people entered the elevator they were holding onto each other and crying, bitterly crying in such a way you knew whatever reason they'd come to be in the hospital was far from a good one. My heart broke for them. I wanted so badly to offer some kind of solace, a single word, a well-meaning gesture that would let them know I understood, that my heart ached for their pain even though I was a complete stranger to them and knew nothing of their circumstances. Everyone knows that an elevator ride isn't very long, so those few moments I had to wrestle with my inability to breech the barrier of my own natural anxieties were quite long in my memory. The elevator doors opened and they looked at me, as elevator occupants were known to do to decide who was exiting first, and their eyes were filled with their pain and all I could offer was my own aching glance as I gestured for them to go, and under my breath I whispered, "I'm sorry."  And I was sorry for whatever it was that caused them such pain that they couldn't put on their society face of stoicism. You know that face, I know you do. We wear that face - you and I. We wear it all the time. That face hides our sorrows, our heart aches, our griefs because to let all that show would disturb the normal way of things.  

Why am I bringing up now? You know why. I shed that stoic façade more than once in the last almost two months… two months, how is that possible! It is, it's more than possible it's an indisputable fact that in a little over a day as of the time of this writing, it will be two months since Jerry… died. 

Today I couldn't keep that façade in place, it slipped. It slipped when I was out in a very public, somewhat busy airport. My daughter who had been with me since April 11, was leaving for her home. JoAnna lives in Tennessee and back in early April she'd asked to come visit for a month or so. Jerry and I welcomed her visit, he was newly home from rehab March 27th and JoAnna would be a help as she always was when she visited. 

Of course that month or so was extended when tragedy struck our lives so brutally. Matthew and I felt so blessed that God had given JoAnna time with her father, that she wasn't in Tennessee when he passed, and JoAnna felt blessed as well. It's those blessings you cling to when the pain threatens to strip all the good away. 

Today, JoAnna's leaving was inevitable. I couldn't keep her any longer, I had to let her go back to her life, her family, her other loved ones- they needed and wanted her, missing her so incredibly much. I couldn't keep her and my heart knew I had to endure the loss of her, a loss not at all of the kind death brings, but a loss nonetheless.

The façade slipped and my tears came and as I walked away from her, leaving her to the journey home that she could only take alone, I saw the strangers looks through my tears, and my grief (YES, it was grief!) and I didn't care. You don't care, your pain doesn't allow you to care that others are there, it's too all consuming.

Airports, hospitals, these are places tears are seen from time to time- and if you don't work in those places you rarely see them there, but you may have during your life just as I have in mine. The tears of our humanity. The tears of our raw pain twisting our features into masks that others don't really want to see and not from callousness. I can't believe it would be from callousness. It has to be that they, like me, hurt when they see others hurting. It has to be they  don't want to witness the heart agony on another's face because it reminds them of the pain they too can feel, and they don't want that pain, no one wants that pain. 

Maybe you're the sort of person who can react much differently than I have. Perhaps you are of the kind who can enter another's grief, a stranger's grief unbidden to offer more than a commiserative, aching glance and a silent 'sorry'. Truthfully, in my recent moments of public displays of heartache, pain, and grief, I'm not sure I'd want any strangers intruding. In those moments all that consumes me is that agony and a desire to go where I can even more freely cry out my heart pain that is all I seek, maybe it's all any grief grasped person seeks when they are caught out in public with their pain exposed, their vulnerability known, their emotions unmasked. 

I don't have the answers, right now I have the pain. God will see me through my season of pain, in Him I trust. He has every single tear of mine in a bottle. 

Psa_56:8  Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

*

To everything there is a season and a time…

…a time to die, to weep, to mourn… 

Ecc 3:1  To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 

Ecc 3:2  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 

Ecc 3:3  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 

Ecc 3:4  A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 

Ecc 3:5  A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 

Ecc 3:6  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 

Ecc 3:7  A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 

Ecc 3:8  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Beyond This World.

 Fitting in with society, with your peers, with those you interact with on a day to day basis. Isn't this the way of life for us? When you don't quite fit in, when you can't suspend the you inside of you to meet the standards of belonging, you are ostracized. You might begin to suspect you don't quite fit in when you are in school, or even before that if you are constantly being told to stop behaving as you are, and you are seemingly unable to alter your behavior. When you hear the words- "What's wrong with you?" And in your mind you have no idea, you are just you, then you have to know there is something you're missing, there is something about you that is considered wrong, or different. Being able to fit in is a true gift many overlook. Being able to fit in to those who do fit in, consider it normal and therefore it's become abnormal not to fit in. 

Today, more than at any other time it seems not fitting in is becoming more recognized if not normalized. The recognition of the growing number of those unable to fit in is becoming a norm all on its own. We haven't arrived at the point of creating a society where people out of the norm are given an entire way of life suited for them- we still medicate, psychoanalyze, therapy induce, and institutionalize so many in the attempt to fit them in with the way our world is run. 

What's my elusive point, if I have one? This world is run against individualism and it's only as individuals do we make the choice to believe in Christ, to believe in the Father God to gain the salvation offered to us for life eternal beyond this world, beyond this life. 

Yes, there are too numerous to count religions and religious organizations, but no organization is able to guarantee salvation, not one. You can cite all the right passages, creeds and statements of beliefs your church holds but not a single one of those gives you eternal life. 

Eternal life is a heart matter, salvation is a heart matter, individually we are able to belong to our Savior.

Yes, I've rambled on, but sometimes it's just the way it goes. 

This world and the majority of people who fill it truly are not children of God.

Everyone has a choice to make, and we often make our choice based on fitting in with the world around us. We would rather make a celebration of not needing to believe in God, or we make the choice to believe in radicalized religions which are not of God, no matter how often He is labeled as such. They've given God a very bad name, and many would rather shun all things of God than take a stand similar in any way to the deceived Christ followers.

This world is cruel in many ways, to a lot of its inhabitants. No, it's not usually cruel all the time without respite. We are often allowed sunshine with  the rain, but I say that as an individual in my own circumstances. Some have horrific circumstances and others, wonderful, living seemingly gilded lives. 

My circumstances allow me to recognize how very blessed I've been. Not materially wealthy, seldom financially secure, healthy in many ways, cared for by others, loved by family, rarely terrorized, never been brutally beaten, I could go on with my list, but there's no need. You have your own circumstance of life, we all do, and as an individual whether you fit into the norms of the world, or you do not- you have choices to make. 

We can choose to live for this world, seeking friendship with this world, conforming to this world, being accepted by this world, giving the world our affection, living to fulfil the pleasures that play on our lusts in our world, or… or we can choose a much better world to live for- the future heavenly world that doesn't exist for us right now but is promised to us. We must believe in the world offered to us by our God, we must accept the gift of salvation offered to us by our God Jesus who sacrificed His life to give us this gift. By the grace of God I will live for the unseen world, choosing that world over this one. I will by the grace of God, love ALL people as He loves All, but I will not love this world. All through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. 

Unspotted from the world, friendship with the world is enmity with God. Being a friend of the world means being an enemy of god. 

Not of this world, Jesus was not of this world. 

Being not conformed to this world. 

Delivered from this present evil world. 

The world is crucified unto us, and we are crucified to the world. 

Affections set in heaven, not on earth.

Love not the world. Love neither the things in the world. 

All the  lusts of the world are not of God. 

Doing the will of God- abide forever. 

Being born of God-overcomes the world. 

Believing that Jesus is the Son of God, overcomes the world. 

Jas 1:27  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

Jas 4:4  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 

Joh 17:14  I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. 

Joh 17:15  I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. 

Rom 12:2  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 

Gal 1:4  Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father

Gal 6:14  But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.

Col 3:1  If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 

Col 3:2  Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 

Col 3:3  For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God

1Jn 2:15  Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 

1Jn 2:16  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 

1Jn 2:17  And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. 

1Jn 5:4  For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. 

1Jn 5:5  Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? 

1Jn 5:18  We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not. 

God's Love- Our Love.

 We make choices every single day and by those choices our lives are shaped. We may think our everyday lives have very little meaning when we are not out there in the world - a doer- a helper - a person who visibly gives of themselves selflessly. We may believe that because we are not of the bent to interact with others that we are useless to God. I'm serious. God would have us doers of the word, helping those in need, loving others as He would love them. Giving not receiving. All true, all His truth. God would have us love, and love is so much more than what we might perceive it to be. What if God's purpose for you was to love a single other person so fully, so completely that love spilled over to others through that person and the outreach of that love expanded so widely there was no way to know just how many people it touched. I have no way of knowing if this is true, but I do know my God is love and that all those that choose to belong to Him and live in His love are used of Him in His ways, not the ways man sees. We simply need to love wherever we are, in whatever situation we are in. We need to love those God brings into our lives and love them as He would love them, not as the world defines love. What do I mean by that? I mean God's love is a love that goes beyond this life. Do we love others for eternity? Through all the horrors of life big and small? Forgiving others everything? Yes, I said, everything. Do we love? We can love all- from our family, our friends, and we can also love all those we meet every single day. It's true. We can love with God's love which is not the distorted love of the world. When I tell you that you can love everyone it sounds preposterous when you believe I'm talking about loving as the world loves- because that kind of love is preposterous. That kind of love is the kind that you can 'fall out of'. That kind of love has conditions placed upon it. The world we live in has so much to offer that isn't of God, we have to love with God's love, not the world's. We have to love God, not the world, and God would have us love those in the world, with the hope they will be in His world, His love.

(More on this tomorrow by the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!)

*******

Unspotted from the world, friendship with the world is enmity with God. Being a friend of the world means being an enemy of god. Not of this world, Jesus was not of this world. Being not conformed to this world. Delivered from this present evil world.        The world is crucified unto us, and we are crucified to the world. Affections set in heaven, not on earth. Love not the world. Love neither the things in the world. All the  lusts of the world are not of God. Doing the will of God- abide forever. Being born of God-overcomes the world. Believing that Jesus is the Son of God, overcomes the world. 

Jas 1:27  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

Jas 4:4  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 

Joh 17:14  I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. 

Joh 17:15  I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. 

Rom 12:2  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 

Gal 1:4  Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father

Gal 6:14  But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.

Col 3:1  If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 

Col 3:2  Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 

Col 3:3  For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God

1Jn 2:15  Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 

1Jn 2:16  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 

1Jn 2:17  And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. 

1Jn 5:4  For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. 

1Jn 5:5  Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? 

1Jn 5:18  We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not. 

In the Morning, My Prayer

 

Our Fortress.

 Psa 71:2-6 Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me.  Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress.  Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man. For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth. By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother's bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee. 

We are delivered not by our righteousness, but God's righteousness. We escape through our Lord's righteousness. Our God will save us, He will hear us as we call out to Him for help. He is our strong habitation where we have to continually go.

David sang the words…be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort.  

God wasn't some text on a screen, words on papers, but a reality to David in such a way that He could CONTINUALLY resort to God as being his STRONG habitation, David considered God to be his ROCK and his FORTRESS! 

Was David delusional?  No.

God as a reality to David made him believe that God was his protector. David could constantly, continually, over and over resort to God, his protector. David knew God had given a commandment to save him! David sang- Deliver me O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.   

We too need this kind of relationship with God. This relationship is revealed to us for our edification, for an example to us. We have wicked and unrighteous and cruel people all around us everywhere. No, most of us do not have these sorts seeking us physically ready to kill us, to harm us, but some people around our world right now do have people wanting to harm them and even kill them simply because they belong to God. Like David we must cry out to be delivered.

'For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth. By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother's bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee.'  

God is our HOPE. God is our TRUST.  David trusted God from His youth. 

By God we are kept alive even in our mothers as we are growing, and while we are being born! All praise to God always, constantly!

Oh, to be able to sing with David our love of God, our assurance of God, our wonder and awe of God. The truth beyond doubt, the knowing of God as our all in all! 

Is God your strong fortress, your rock, your place of refuge? What makes God this impenetrable place of safety, when in truth our flesh is so frail and constantly subject to degradation as we age? We are vulnerable beings living in a world of chaos. There is no rhyme nor reason to who gets what disease, deformity, injury, hardship of any sort. The richest person can be taken down instantly in an accident, their money unable to save them. The poorest person could have disease heaped upon them on top of their monetary deprivation. There is no fairness in our chaotic world, yet God can be our hope, our refuge because He offers us the HOPE beyond all of this!  Beyond each of our heartaches, our setbacks, our pains, and agonies of living God has given to us, the hope of our Savior, who is the hope of our Salvation from all enemies, all of them in whatever form they take. 

God be with us always, all through Jesus Christ our LORD now and forever!!!!!! Amen!