The Mail.

 A simple task, an ordinary day to day occurrence, why has it become a long walk of dread? I'm talking about walking to get The Mail each day. Our mailbox is situated at the end of our driveway. It's really not a long walk and only slightly downhill from the house and of course a bit uphill from the street. No hills are involved really, it's more of a gradual incline but does anyone really care about the details of the slope-- there you go-- it's a slope, ah, it doesn't matter! 

So why am I going on and on about the stupid driveway! It's a distraction, nothing more, something to keep me from getting to a point because that point, that awful point brings pain. The Mail.

Let's back up a bit though, and not on driveway specs- as riveting as they can be in all there up and down way. I haven't even touched on the side to side driveway aspect but I'm more than quite sure you don't want me to- there are weeds involved. You know some driveways have side to side cracks- and some even have deliberate separation lines- come on, I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Those weeds that sprout up in the driveway crack/lines are a testament to nature's ability to take over if we'd only let it. But we frown upon weeds and those driveway weeds know it. 

Did I get off track again? Back to … The Mail.

I'm biting the proverbial bullet now, or I am in a few moments, I have to mention the mailbox itself first. It's crooked. How can I describe its crookedness and do it justice? We have one of those wooden posts with a black plastic box attached to it -mailboxes…and well, it's been pushed a little bit too far to the right possibly by a vehicle, okay, almost definitely by a vehicle getting a bit too close to it. So push it back you say. Well, we do that from time to time but the mailbox likes to wander rightward in spite of our pushing ever since that initial push. 

Now, the slightly right mailbox isn't too bad, but there are aspects of the plastic black box that are bad- but they haven't been bad enough to take emergency - no mail will be delivered to this broken down mailbox- action. The mailbox has been this way for oh, a couple years now. Please, do not judge, please. I know mailboxes aren't supposed to bit broke, but…   This slightly right mailbox ALSO has a door flap that will not shut unless you push it properly, something that many a mail carrier has no time to waste doing in their daily race to get all the mail in the mailboxes. So, what happens when 79.9 %  of the mail carriers (yes, I made up that number, I'm not a mathematician by any stretch of the imagination) what happens when they don't close the mail box properly? You guessed it, the mail put inside it is vulnerable. The door flap on the mailbox is a protector from people, weather, insects, and any other mailbox intruders that exist. Without that plastic protection here in southwest Florida in the summer time especially, the poor mail has a tendency to get soaked by afternoon thunderstorms. 

Now… now a heart hurt begins, right this moment it hurts practically as if I'm outside this moment standing in front of the mailbox. He…he… Jerry, kept telling me… for the last month of his life off and on… and the words are etched so deep in my brain they are forever connected with The Mail- I can't unhear them whenever I get The Mail, I just can't. "We need to get a new mailbox." 

I didn't get a new mailbox, and I don't know why. He received several soaked pieces of mail and we all know dried out wet mail is all crinkled and just not properly flat mail. He wanted a new mail box. Why didn't I get the mailbox?! I have no answer. I just didn't think about it when I was in a store I suppose. I know eventually I would have bought a new mailbox, I would have I just didn't have it on the high priority list. I should have, I really should have, it would have made him happy. Don't get me wrong, he didn't say we needed a new mailbox every day, just occasionally. On the days the mail was wet- it was a reminder to him as well to say something.

I don't have the answer as to why I didn't get a new mailbox, I don't. And I've been told recently not to have regrets, but I do. Selfishly now for more reasons than one, I should have bought a new mailbox when I had the chance, when money wasn't as huge an issue. Is that a horrible thought to have? Maybe it is, it probably is. So many grief guilts pop up all over the place.

There's one more mailbox tidbit and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this… the little red mailbox flag has added insult to injury and revolted some time ago- back when the mailbox was first pushed sideways a bit. It resides inside the mail box unless I need to force it to do its job when I'm mailing a letter. It's a tricky little bit of forcing and when I go out to get The Mail after mailing a letter 99.8% of the time it's on the ground because when the mail carrier pushes it down like they are trained to do, it falls off. I told you the flag revolted against its position on the mailbox. Yes, I do need a new mailbox, but now… now I don't imagine it's going to be a priority at all. If I didn't get one when Jerry mentioned it, why would I do it now? 

Do you know, I REALLY didn't intend to talk about the mailbox when I started this… I was going to talk about The Mail. I avoided that, because The Mail that I get every day of the week except one-- still thinks my love is alive and I can't bring myself to tell it otherwise. 

So, I will keep spilling The Mail tears for right now when I see your name on most of the mail, the tears- they are needed… and I will try not to look at the mailbox with too much regret. I hear his voice in my mind, in my memory, of his forever unfulfilled request- "We need to get a new mailbox." My reply was always, "Yes, we do."  So why didn't I?

God tells me to look ahead to the future and Him, not at things behind. I will pray for this specific regret to slowly fade, or at least slowly lose its loudness. 

Php 3:13  … but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 

Php 3:14  I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Please, Lord Jesus, please help me to forget those things which are behind that bring regret and guilt. I know you forgive me, I know Jerry would have forgiven me. Help me to forgive myself in the small things and all things. All through YOUR amazing LOVE! In Jesus' name now and forever!!!!!!! Amen! 

Choose Eternity Over Temporary.

 Jesus speaks of Satan as a very real being. So why do we live our lives as if he doesn't exist? Satan wants anyone that dares to belong to Jesus. Do you remember reading these verses- 

Luk 22:31,32  And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

Jesus told Simon outright that Satan desire to have him, and Jesus even goes a step further and tells Simon why Satan wants him.  Satan wants to SIFT Simon as wheat.

(Wheat Sifting- 

The first step in the process of sifting wheat is to loosen the chaff from the edible grain, which is called threshing. The old-fashioned way to do this is to spread the wheat onto a floor made from stone, concrete or tamped earth and to beat it with a flail. **Internet Source**)

Threshing- beating with a flail. They have to tear apart the wheat stalk to get to the kernel within which is what is ground into flour. To sift a person as you sift wheat would be to beat them apart until there is only a tiny bit of them left. Satan desired Simon in order to destroy him.

Why do you imagine our Savior would tell Simon this? Did Simon believe Satan was real? Jesus believed Satan was real, Simon did, they all did. No one doubted Satan's existence because they knew the reality of this adversary in their lives. This evil being who first conceived of sin and in that sin - that rebellion against God, he introduced all the evil we know

In our own lives we have witnessed firsthand evil's existence. And in recognizing the evil we know there is an opposite to that evil. We know deep down inside of us there exists a tiny kernel of hope, and each of us has a chance to do something with that knowledge. Our adversary will do all he can to make us crush the tiny hope so that it doesn't grow. The lies he tells us are too numerous to count. He tailor makes hope crushing lies for each of us. These lies fit us perfectly. He knows where to place doubt, where to sow despair, how to twist our thoughts so we infuse ourselves with anger, hatred, selfishness, pride but only so that we justify it all by any means necessary so we can live with the evil growing within us. 

Jesus takes that tiny seed of hope and offers to help it grow. Love grows the hope in us and if we let it, if we let Jesus, He will take the self out of us and with that self gone we are no longer able to nurture the evil Satan wants us to serve. 

It's a lifelong process, daily choosing to allow Jesus to bring to life the hope He planted inside of us. We choose. People don't always get that part. We have to choose daily. Because it is a choice in so many ways- people get lost comprehending. We are to 'take up our cross daily'. We are to 'die daily'. We are to ask for our 'daily bread'. A daily cross means a daily recognition of our Savior and the selflessness that He would have us emulate. Dying daily to self and all the evil that stems from our self-serving- mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, we are to look outward for our hope not inwards. That seed grows outward ever expanding not remaining cuddled deep inside us, hidden under Satan's evil where no light of Christ can touch it-if that's what we choose.

We really are the one who does the choosing though. We choose. Sure, go ahead and choose to let Satan sift you as what- just remember he will just as soon kill you with sweet kindness, as flail you to death with heartaches, pain, agonies of living- depriving you of all hope. You see, everyone has tragedies to mar their lives, anxieties to flood their soul, unfair happenstances every single day, but those who live with that seed of growing hope comprehend those things are not how they were originally meant to be- and there is a way for them to one day live that life free of all evil. 

Can those who choose not to allow Jesus to nurture the seed of hope live happy lives? Yes. It will be a happy life with a hopeless end. 

Choose wisely, choose eternity over temporary, please. Choose hope. Don't be deceived by your pride. 

Choose Christ as you find Him in the Word of God. You don't have to join a church, you can worship Him all by yourself if you need to. Choose Jesus, ask Jesus to come into your heart to forgive you any intentional sin or sins of ignorance. Choose to allow love to grow in you, a love that is eternal. 

Jer_17:7  Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

Tit_2:13  Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ 

Satan would have us be his- and remember he can sift you as wheat pulverizing every part of you to keep you from love's eternity, and he can do it any way he chooses- blatantly with a torturous existence, or stealthily with an almost fairy tale life. 

Please, Lord, please, bless any who read this with a very special blessing. Jesus prayed for Peter - that his faith fail not, and Jesus prayed for us to be kept from evil and in being kept from evil -our faith will fail not. Please, Father, keep us from evil! Please bless and keep us always in You! Let the hope you put inside us grow in Your love, now and always! Amen!

Truth Tellers.

 Truth tellers. Are you a truth teller? Is there any guile in you?

We need to be truth tellers, and the truth is- Jesus is going to return for His people-- the truth tellers. 

When we speak truth we are speaking of Jesus and His ways, a truth teller is a Jesus speaker. Yes, I said it, a Jesus speaker is a truth teller. I could lie to you. I could keep my mouth perfectly shut, my lips tightly sealed. In fact, I do that, I don't speak much aloud- my speaking is through my written words. Am I ashamed of the truth I need to tell, is that why in conversation you may find me close to silent on my living, breathing, life-giving religion?  No, at least I pray not. My shame is in not being able to confront and speak boldly my beliefs, but it's not the beliefs that keep me silent, it's my overwhelming desire to crawl into a shell around others and keep close to silent rather than spark any controversy. Does that mean I'm ashamed of my beliefs? NO. I'm ashamed of my inability to share those beliefs in such a way I don't ignite conflict from the opposing viewers. The disciples and apostles were NOT afraid of the confrontations and conflicts that the truth they shared ignited. Paul alone suffered brutally at the hands of truth haters. What is it about me that makes me keep my mouth shut- verbally? I am not a preacher! Is that my excuse? Is it a good enough excuse?  

I have a whole bunch (four or five) tee shirts with Jesus type sayings on them. I do want the world to know how I believe, but I want words other than those that come from my mouth to speak for me. I'm not ashamed. Those tee shirts have engaged me with strangers quite often- a quick word in passing- "Hey, I like your shirt!" Or, "That's right, I'm with you!" Or, "I believe too!" Or, "Where can I get that shirt?"  And I don't ignore these strangers, I respond to them, but it's not always easy. 

My tee-shirts proclaim my Christianity, but to delve into the truth on a much deeper level- I'd need an electronic scrolling tee-shirt (think miniature electronic billboard), that could contain so much more than just a few words. Then I'd need someone who could take a few hours to read my shirt message- not feasible. 

Why is this weighing heavily enough of my heart to write about? Because I want to be a truth teller, not ashamed of my truth, I want to share with others the beautiful message that truth is. Today, nostalgia for many years ago when my sister and I would give Bible studies hit me hard. Being on fire for truth, so much so we couldn't keep our mouths shut. All our friends and family were exposed to our zeal for this truth. Bible seminars had us right there at the forefront ushering people into the auditoriums handing out that night's programs. We went door to door asking for offerings, eager to spread the truth to any who showed interest. These were things we did forty years ago- in our beginning. And now…

Now we have no organized church to belong to, no forty, fifty, a hundred, two hundred  congregational believers to fellowship with. We stand alone, the church we joined having left their first love, having left their truth - choosing lies instead. We hold fast to the truth, the very unpopular, strange to those not inclined to deep Biblical exegesis- truth. 

When our Savior tells us to search as for hid treasure, that His word…2Ti_3:16… is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 1Pe 2:2  As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby…2Ti_2:15  Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.    

When our Savior tells us all that truth and we choose to not dig deep into the given word of truth, we are accountable for that- eternally accountable. Once you know truth you cannot unknow that truth and you are accountable to that truth.

Heb 5:1114  Of whom we have many things to say, and hard to be uttered, seeing ye are dull of hearing.  For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.  But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. 

Truth tellers are those walking the narrow way. Truth tellers are among the few that will find the narrow way. Truth tellers are unpopular. Truth tellers are called lunatics, fanatics, deluded, crazy. Truth tellers love not the world nor the things in the world. Truth tellers have their treasures in heaven. Truth tellers will drink of the cup… 

Mat 20:22  But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able. 

Mat 20:23  And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with…

Rom 8:17  And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. 

2Co 1:5  For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. 

2Co 1:6  And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. 

2Co 1:7  And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation. 

2Ti 2:11  It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: 

2Ti 2:12  If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: 

Rev 1:9  I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the isle that is called Patmos, for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ. 

Jesus will stand on Mount Zion, and with Jesus 144,000 people with the name of Jesus on their foreheads. 144,000 people learning the song of those redeemed from earth, a song only they can learn. Undefiled - not deceived by the harlot- the apostate truth. Pure in truth. Pure in following Jesus wherever He goes. First fruits to God and Jesus. Truth tellers before the throne of God. 

May God help me be a truth teller even if I must suffer ridicule, be dismissed as being a touch unhinged, shunned and silenced, may I truly place my treasure in HEAVEN, unconcerned for the acceptance of the world! If I lose all my friends it will be just like this truth right from the lips of our Savior--

Mat 16:24  Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 

Mat 16:25  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 

Mat 16:26  For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? 

Mat 16:27  For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works. 

What profit do I have if I gain/keep even a single friendship if I lose my own soul? 

God, please, keep me in Your truth always, give me a voice where you want my voice to be heard- aloud or written, use me for Your service, now and forever! In Jesus' name, amen!

Rev 14:1-5  And I looked, and, lo, a Lamb stood on the mount Sion, and with him an hundred forty and four thousand, having his Father's name written in their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven, as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of a great thunder: and I heard the voice of harpers harping with their harps:  And they sung as it were a new song before the throne, and before the four beasts, and the elders: and no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth. These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb. And in their mouth was found no guile: for they are without fault before the throne of God. 

Your Silence.

 The quiet. Why is my life so quiet without you? It's a theme that hits me over and over, the quiet being so much more than no sound.  I hear sounds all around me, you know the sounds. My own breathing, my own footsteps, the words I speak to the cat and the reply -a mewling kittenish meow. I hear the noises of existence, but the absence of you has created such a huge void in the sounds of my life.  When you were still here I could be alone out in the garden, but the noise of your presence was with me there, your words echoing in my mind. That okra I cut was a part of you, for you, because the dirt was tilled and rows furrowed, the tiny seeds dropped no more than an inch deep into the ground. Covering the seeds, the watering began- each day enough until the sprouts broke through. I heard your voice, I saw your smile because I told you the okra was growing. You had no doubt it would grow, yet the joy of knowing was so pleasing to you, to us. Not days, not weeks, but months and the first flower opened- soon, so soon baby okra pods, and your joy. You were there so loud in my garden every day. The okra grew for you and now it is silently fading, the noise of you in my garden dying along with the tall, almost leafless stalks and last pods waiting to be picked. The noise of you then - is the slow silencing of you now. I hear your joy for a moment, I smile in remembrance, then I cry in remembering I can only hear your joy in echoes of the past. Yes, they say everyone grieves differently and there are commonalities in all grief- it's true. Do they speak of the quiet? Of a stilled presence? Do you know how loud you are just in existing? Is this why a person not seen or heard from in years can pass away and still be mourned bitterly? Their existence adds to the silencing of a world, each of our worlds slipping into that silence. One silencing after another. We never stop missing them. We never stop hearing the echo of their lives replaying in our minds. The echoes bring smiles and tears -sometimes both at once. 

I know the quiet around me from your absence will never be completely filled again. New noises will take over, they have to take over, they have to slip in to fill a void that would otherwise be too consuming. I can listen to the sound of my breathing, I can no longer listen to yours, I can no longer listen to our breathing together. I hear my breath in the quiet and I feel alone. Two flesh become one in marriage, two breaths become one. I understand now why this one flesh becomes two again, and the emptiness, that void so incredibly huge, that death brings- why it exists. Death has torn us into two, you sleep your deepest most peaceful sleep, and I am awake. Jesus wept when a beloved friend of His died, He wept, He mourned. Jesus wept over the spiritually sleeping- those who chose and choose to be separate from Him. 

There is pain in death, death has a sting and we cannot ignore that sting with platitudes seeking to soothe. Recognizing the sting of death, the horrors of death, is how we can comprehend why our Savior came to save us- He will end death. Jesus Christ my Savior will END DEATH. What a wondrous, glorious God, promising us an end to death and all the incredible agonies it brings.

You've grown silent my love, and I must feel the sting of that silence for the rest of my life. As the noise of you slowly fades and I can no longer share my joys- the simple, yet miraculous joy of an okra pod ready to be picked, fried and eaten- I can grasp hold of the memories of that past joy and for now - try to smile. 

1Co 15:55  O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? 

1Co 15:56  The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. 

1Co 15:57  But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 

1Co 15:51  Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 

1Co 15:52  In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 

1Co 15:53  For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 

1Co 15:54  So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.

Not Far From the Kingdom of God.

 

Mar 12:32  And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he: 

Mar 12:33  And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. 

Mar 12:34  And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question

Burnt offerings and sacrifices, these were required by God. The Ceremonial law was given by God and followed by God's chosen people. Yet, even as they took their lamb, their goat, their dove and sacrificed it - spilled its blood- gave its life, if they did not give it with a heart towards God and their fellow man, it meant nothing. How many sacrifices were made by people that counted for absolutely nothing? They walked away from their offering believing they'd done their bit, they went through the proper motions, made the effort and so because they'd done all that it meant their sins were forgiven and they were right with God. Yet going through the motions is not what God intended. Every single sacrifice made was to be offered from a contrite heart. When the sacrifices lacked contrition on the part of the giver, when the heart was void of remorse how could the sacrifice mean a single thing? 

You and I could not imagine taking an animal to a temple priest and taking part in ending the life of that animal, watching the blood be spilled, witnessing the life quickly ended, the last breath given. To those who had to do this often they could very quickly become numbed to the horror of it, just as today many a butcher who actually wields the weapon of death become immune to any feelings that might be associated with the killings. All part of life, an endless cycle, a job that must be done and so on and so forth.

The man who spoke these words- Mar 12:33  And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. 

He was a part of the ceremonial law in burnt offerings and sacrifices- and he dared to say to Jesus that loving God the Father with all the heart and understanding, with all the soul and strength…and to love his neighbor… were MORE than ALL the burnt offerings and sacrifices, well this was astonishing really.  This man was claiming that LOVE- the heart- was better than the service set up to forgive man of their sins. How could he say such a thing? He could say it because without that LOVE those sacrifices were powerless. This man recognized the heart involvement was the power behind all the sacrifices and offerings. The people of God had forgotten the heart of it all and turned it into a true den of thieves stealing the love that belonged to God. Yes, moneychangers - buyers and sellers- had taken up in the temple exchanging their money and goods- they were thieves in the temple and they robbed God of so much by spoiling what was to be sacred. Their money alone didn't taint the temple, their darkened hearts void of love plunged it into the criminal sanctuary Jesus entered. 

Jesus told the man who recognized love's proper place that he wasn't far from the kingdom of God. God's kingdom is love. God is love. Our loving God is everything because from that love we can love! 

God wants us to LOVE with His love, to choose love above all. Love is shown in so many, many ways.

May God help us to comprehend like that man, that love is worth more than anything else we can attempt to offer Him. May we realize the place of love in our lives. We may not live in a system of animal sacrifice and offerings as this man did, but our hearts can grow hard and cold in our recognition of the sacrifice and offering of our LORD, our SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST. May our hearts not be turned to stone, but remain flesh, filled with the love we need, the love we must have to not be far from the kingdom of God! 

Tears In His Bottle.

 How often do you see someone crying in public? A stranger in tears? Can you recall the last time you saw someone you didn't know consumed by sadness? I can. I was in the hospital visiting my husband, who unfortunately spent much of his last year alive in and out of hospitals. I was riding the elevator down from the fourth floor and it stopped at the third floor and in entered two people. I can't really tell you what they looked like and for once it's not because my introverted nature keeps me from giving anyone more than a quick glance and often a small smile before I look away. It's only polite not to really look at others, right? Not too long a look anyways. When the two people entered the elevator they were holding onto each other and crying, bitterly crying in such a way you knew whatever reason they'd come to be in the hospital was far from a good one. My heart broke for them. I wanted so badly to offer some kind of solace, a single word, a well-meaning gesture that would let them know I understood, that my heart ached for their pain even though I was a complete stranger to them and knew nothing of their circumstances. Everyone knows that an elevator ride isn't very long, so those few moments I had to wrestle with my inability to breech the barrier of my own natural anxieties were quite long in my memory. The elevator doors opened and they looked at me, as elevator occupants were known to do to decide who was exiting first, and their eyes were filled with their pain and all I could offer was my own aching glance as I gestured for them to go, and under my breath I whispered, "I'm sorry."  And I was sorry for whatever it was that caused them such pain that they couldn't put on their society face of stoicism. You know that face, I know you do. We wear that face - you and I. We wear it all the time. That face hides our sorrows, our heart aches, our griefs because to let all that show would disturb the normal way of things.  

Why am I bringing up now? You know why. I shed that stoic façade more than once in the last almost two months… two months, how is that possible! It is, it's more than possible it's an indisputable fact that in a little over a day as of the time of this writing, it will be two months since Jerry… died. 

Today I couldn't keep that façade in place, it slipped. It slipped when I was out in a very public, somewhat busy airport. My daughter who had been with me since April 11, was leaving for her home. JoAnna lives in Tennessee and back in early April she'd asked to come visit for a month or so. Jerry and I welcomed her visit, he was newly home from rehab March 27th and JoAnna would be a help as she always was when she visited. 

Of course that month or so was extended when tragedy struck our lives so brutally. Matthew and I felt so blessed that God had given JoAnna time with her father, that she wasn't in Tennessee when he passed, and JoAnna felt blessed as well. It's those blessings you cling to when the pain threatens to strip all the good away. 

Today, JoAnna's leaving was inevitable. I couldn't keep her any longer, I had to let her go back to her life, her family, her other loved ones- they needed and wanted her, missing her so incredibly much. I couldn't keep her and my heart knew I had to endure the loss of her, a loss not at all of the kind death brings, but a loss nonetheless.

The façade slipped and my tears came and as I walked away from her, leaving her to the journey home that she could only take alone, I saw the strangers looks through my tears, and my grief (YES, it was grief!) and I didn't care. You don't care, your pain doesn't allow you to care that others are there, it's too all consuming.

Airports, hospitals, these are places tears are seen from time to time- and if you don't work in those places you rarely see them there, but you may have during your life just as I have in mine. The tears of our humanity. The tears of our raw pain twisting our features into masks that others don't really want to see and not from callousness. I can't believe it would be from callousness. It has to be that they, like me, hurt when they see others hurting. It has to be they  don't want to witness the heart agony on another's face because it reminds them of the pain they too can feel, and they don't want that pain, no one wants that pain. 

Maybe you're the sort of person who can react much differently than I have. Perhaps you are of the kind who can enter another's grief, a stranger's grief unbidden to offer more than a commiserative, aching glance and a silent 'sorry'. Truthfully, in my recent moments of public displays of heartache, pain, and grief, I'm not sure I'd want any strangers intruding. In those moments all that consumes me is that agony and a desire to go where I can even more freely cry out my heart pain that is all I seek, maybe it's all any grief grasped person seeks when they are caught out in public with their pain exposed, their vulnerability known, their emotions unmasked. 

I don't have the answers, right now I have the pain. God will see me through my season of pain, in Him I trust. He has every single tear of mine in a bottle. 

Psa_56:8  Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

*

To everything there is a season and a time…

…a time to die, to weep, to mourn… 

Ecc 3:1  To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 

Ecc 3:2  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 

Ecc 3:3  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 

Ecc 3:4  A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 

Ecc 3:5  A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 

Ecc 3:6  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 

Ecc 3:7  A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 

Ecc 3:8  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Beyond This World.

 Fitting in with society, with your peers, with those you interact with on a day to day basis. Isn't this the way of life for us? When you don't quite fit in, when you can't suspend the you inside of you to meet the standards of belonging, you are ostracized. You might begin to suspect you don't quite fit in when you are in school, or even before that if you are constantly being told to stop behaving as you are, and you are seemingly unable to alter your behavior. When you hear the words- "What's wrong with you?" And in your mind you have no idea, you are just you, then you have to know there is something you're missing, there is something about you that is considered wrong, or different. Being able to fit in is a true gift many overlook. Being able to fit in to those who do fit in, consider it normal and therefore it's become abnormal not to fit in. 

Today, more than at any other time it seems not fitting in is becoming more recognized if not normalized. The recognition of the growing number of those unable to fit in is becoming a norm all on its own. We haven't arrived at the point of creating a society where people out of the norm are given an entire way of life suited for them- we still medicate, psychoanalyze, therapy induce, and institutionalize so many in the attempt to fit them in with the way our world is run. 

What's my elusive point, if I have one? This world is run against individualism and it's only as individuals do we make the choice to believe in Christ, to believe in the Father God to gain the salvation offered to us for life eternal beyond this world, beyond this life. 

Yes, there are too numerous to count religions and religious organizations, but no organization is able to guarantee salvation, not one. You can cite all the right passages, creeds and statements of beliefs your church holds but not a single one of those gives you eternal life. 

Eternal life is a heart matter, salvation is a heart matter, individually we are able to belong to our Savior.

Yes, I've rambled on, but sometimes it's just the way it goes. 

This world and the majority of people who fill it truly are not children of God.

Everyone has a choice to make, and we often make our choice based on fitting in with the world around us. We would rather make a celebration of not needing to believe in God, or we make the choice to believe in radicalized religions which are not of God, no matter how often He is labeled as such. They've given God a very bad name, and many would rather shun all things of God than take a stand similar in any way to the deceived Christ followers.

This world is cruel in many ways, to a lot of its inhabitants. No, it's not usually cruel all the time without respite. We are often allowed sunshine with  the rain, but I say that as an individual in my own circumstances. Some have horrific circumstances and others, wonderful, living seemingly gilded lives. 

My circumstances allow me to recognize how very blessed I've been. Not materially wealthy, seldom financially secure, healthy in many ways, cared for by others, loved by family, rarely terrorized, never been brutally beaten, I could go on with my list, but there's no need. You have your own circumstance of life, we all do, and as an individual whether you fit into the norms of the world, or you do not- you have choices to make. 

We can choose to live for this world, seeking friendship with this world, conforming to this world, being accepted by this world, giving the world our affection, living to fulfil the pleasures that play on our lusts in our world, or… or we can choose a much better world to live for- the future heavenly world that doesn't exist for us right now but is promised to us. We must believe in the world offered to us by our God, we must accept the gift of salvation offered to us by our God Jesus who sacrificed His life to give us this gift. By the grace of God I will live for the unseen world, choosing that world over this one. I will by the grace of God, love ALL people as He loves All, but I will not love this world. All through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. 

Unspotted from the world, friendship with the world is enmity with God. Being a friend of the world means being an enemy of god. 

Not of this world, Jesus was not of this world. 

Being not conformed to this world. 

Delivered from this present evil world. 

The world is crucified unto us, and we are crucified to the world. 

Affections set in heaven, not on earth.

Love not the world. Love neither the things in the world. 

All the  lusts of the world are not of God. 

Doing the will of God- abide forever. 

Being born of God-overcomes the world. 

Believing that Jesus is the Son of God, overcomes the world. 

Jas 1:27  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

Jas 4:4  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 

Joh 17:14  I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. 

Joh 17:15  I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. 

Rom 12:2  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 

Gal 1:4  Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father

Gal 6:14  But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.

Col 3:1  If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 

Col 3:2  Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 

Col 3:3  For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God

1Jn 2:15  Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 

1Jn 2:16  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 

1Jn 2:17  And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. 

1Jn 5:4  For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. 

1Jn 5:5  Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? 

1Jn 5:18  We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not.