Grudging. Dictionary definition- 'done or given
reluctantly, or doing or giving something reluctantly.
Murmuring. Dictionary definition- 'a complaint made in a
discreet or secretive way.
Disputing.
Dictionary definition- 'strive against something, disagree, argue about
something, opposing something.
In the
battle against Satan's wiles we truly need to recognize that he will use
everything and anything he can against us. He will disguise the evil we commit
as being justified in some manner. He will present excuses, reasons, theories
as to why the evil shouldn't be evil at all but something we can't but help to
do. We are after all- only human. Why then does the word of God hold us to a
higher standard? Why are we allowed to comprehend the truth right before Satan
immerses it in his lies to distort it so it is no longer recognizable as being
truth, but a variation there on which we can mold to fit our evil tendencies.
Isn't is much better to admit the truth plain and simple and recognize how we
fall short of that truth? Shouldn't we choose to die daily to the sins that
would so easily beset us every opportunity they get- rather than excuse the
sins away so we don't have to feel the weight of our need to die to sin
constantly? We live our lives with that hope of perfection and Satan uses that
to shame us over and over. The only way Satan can use that hope to shame us to
the point of despair is if we are living with the hope of perfecting OURSELVES.
If we are living with the idea that we will achieve a day out of the refiner's
fire. If we are looking for a life here without temptation, without the pulls
towards sin. We will find shame every single time we try to find the hope in
ourselves apart from our hope in Christ.
I have a
problem with being grudging, with murmuring and disputing. I do, and by the
grace of God it is being revealed to me over and over again. Right now I can't
imagine going a single day without an internal grudging, or silent complaint,
and even without disagreeing with even the smallest of things. We have things
we call the bane of our existence (a bit dramatic I know) but we do have those
things and these are some of mine. I'm
admitting to this even though there is the possibility someone I know in person
might read this (I've no clue who does or doesn't), and they'll know that while
I may appear all nice and good, that's not always the case. I have what I'll
call social anxiety and Satan would have me use this as an excuse for a lot of
my grudging, murmuring etc. However, I know that I grudge, murmur and dispute
even out of anxiety producing situations. I need the touch of the Savior on my
heart to rid me of these things. I need to constantly seek forgiveness for my
recognized failure to be what I know I should be. I need to keep my HOPE for
repair in Christ. Yes, I said hope for
repair, because He is the One I need to fix in me and all the sin tendencies I
have. By His grace He will fix what needs fixing and for what cannot be fixed
in my own understanding, I need to trust He will complete what has been started
in me. He is my HOPE, I'm not my own hope. He is my Redeemer, my Savior. May my life belong wholly to HIM.
1Pe
4:9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging.
2Co
9:7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give;
not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
Php
2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his
good pleasure.
Php
2:14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings
Jas
5:9 Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned:
behold, the judge standeth before the door.
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