Memory Remembering.

 Sweet memory, such a blessed ability we possess. When I was a child I can recall my parents asking me to do some chore or another, one that didn't necessarily have to be completed right away. They asked expecting their request to be done- maybe that afternoon, but most assuredly by that evening. When bedtime was nearing- finding us as a family in front of the television set watching a tv show together- mom, dad, my three sisters and my brother, all of there in the living room, some of us in chairs, or on the couch, others chose to take up space on the floor as close to the television as we could get. Such a sweet memory there in picturing all of us. There we were and it was during a commercial that the question would be asked. "Did you remember to <insert chore/request here>?"  Now in that moment there would be either a casual, "Yes." Or, a tiny fear pit in the stomach. "No, I forgot." 

Do you remember anything similar to that sort of occurrence? Maybe you didn't have the exact same setting it took place in (I'm sort of showing my age by the whole family around a tv/and commercials memory).  You do have to remember a parent asking you to do something and you either remembering or forgetting to have done it.  

Forgetting to remember, it's never a nice thing because when you forget to remember something it is usually something you desire to remember. Forgetting to remember something you don't care to remember is usually met with relief, but not so those things we want to remember.  As a child I wanted to remember to do whatever it was I'd been told to do, even if it were something I didn't want to do. I didn't intentionally forget because I knew I'd be called to task if I forgot and rightly so, after consenting to get the thing done.  

So what caused the memory lapse? Any number of things could have been responsible- simply out of sight out of mind, not doing it right away and having other things just overwrite any thought of  the task allocated for the future.  We don't often know even as adults WHY we don't remember things we want to remember. Children as a rule, and on up until at least middle-aged adults, aren't usually even jokingly expect to have any trouble remembering things. Older adults, well we get teased about the future of our memories and aging. Still older adults into those so called golden years, we aren't expected to have a very long memory at all. There's a joke often posted about stepping into the next room for something and forgetting why you're there- that short of a time frame. 

Well, I can remember my dad saying to me quite often -- enough that it stuck with me my entire life - "You'd forget your head if it weren't attached." Or the other- "If you had a brain you'd be dangerous."  You see, my memory has been a subject of lament for a long time.  I remember with Jerry, we'd been together oh, about two years or so and by that time the newness of togetherness had gradually set aside the endearing annoyances allowing them to turn into irritations. You know what I mean- that new shine on the relationship often dulls a bit and you come face to face with choosing to love, rather than clinging to a lost infatuated new car smell… uhm… new relationship smell? Nah, not smell, but you know what I mean, I know you do. Newness gives way to familiarity in relationships and sometimes what was once considered cute and a little funny, might turn into being not so cute or funny any longer. 

My memory was one of those things. Being the forgetful sort (all my life) I'd often have to apologize when I forgot to do things, truly never intentionally forgetting. When I'd finally forgotten one too many a thing over the course of time, Jerry grew a little upset with me and told me, "If you loved me you wouldn't forget."  Of course I was heartbroken! What did my loving him have to do with remembering things?! I was forgetful! No one else had ever equated my forgetfulness with my loving them! You see, the thing is, Jerry had a SUPER memory. Jerry DID NOT forgot. I'm not kidding. I'm very serious. I really am down right telling the truth. For most of our relationship Jerry's memory was a thing of amazement to me - Mrs. Forgetfulness.  

So you can understand when he came face to face with someone who didn't have a super memory, but rather a very faulty one, it boggled his mind. He couldn't fully comprehend my ability to forget, and took it as a personal affront.  

I told him that my forgetting to do things had NOTHING to do with loving him or not loving him. I explained my history of forgetfulness. And of course he gave me the benefit of the doubt and then told me that I shouldn't say I will do something if I'm not going to do it, no matter what. That I should write myself notes if I didn't think I could remember whatever it might be that needed remembering. 

From that day on, right up until His passing, I never again told him I'd do something-- I always replied-- "I'll do my best to remember."  Did I write notes? Sometimes, but not always. Did I always remember stuff from that point on… NO.  Did I ever intentionally not remember to do something I'd said I'd try to remember to do? NOPE. 

It eased something inside of Jerry to know that I recognized giving him my word on something, saying I do something was important, HE was important to me, His love was important to me, and I didn't disrespect that love by going back on my word simply by forgetting to do as I said I would do. Once I gave Him that knowledge of my loving him meant I would always TRY to remember out of that love, He accepted that. It WAS enough for Him, His heart was reassured that this bizarre faulty memory I had was not a slight towards Him in any way.  It never became a huge issue again in our relationship. It could still be exasperating for Him at times, but He knew when I did forget and I did apologize for forgetting, it was a sincere, heartfelt apology, an apology of love and respect.  

No, ours was not a perfect relationship- those do NOT exist. Ours was a very down to earth relationship- hills and valleys, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and all that good and bad stuff all of us humans deal with in our lives.

So, why all this talk about memory?  God wants us to remember Him and all too often we forget to include Him in our everyday lives. A Bible verse I read today remind me of memory. Often we exclude Him from the majority of our day reserving maybe one day out of the week for a bit of God recollection. Or perhaps a moment in the morning, a bit of time before bed- we might remember Him in our lives.  God wants us to remember Him in all we do, to be a part of our lives as we live them. God wants us to hold fast to Him because He is the best part of our lives. God gives and God takes away, I know you all know that. God allows and God doesn't allow, and in all of that God knows that He's set before us eternity. As soon as eternity is set before us we are no longer expecting this temporary life to be a thing of ease in any way. Yes, there can be ease in our lives, and we call them blessings, because they aren't promised to us at all- eternity is our promised land, our promised home, our promised hope. We need to have a memory that holds fast to the truths in God.  

Do I have the Bible memorized?  Ha! You're talking to Mrs. Always Been Forgetful -- remember?  I don't have it memorized but that's not going to stop me from praying to never forget my Lord and Savior, to never forget the love of my God, to never forget the gospel hope of eternal life through forgiveness for all my sins, all my shortcomings. I long for the day of my Savior's return, I long for the eternity to come and the memory of life everlasting. With Jesus in eternity I have a belief I'll never forget anything again. All in HIS LOVE, my blessed Savior! 

1Co 15:1  Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; 

1Co 15:2  By which also ye are saved, if ye KEEP IN MEMORY what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain. 

Pro 3:1  My son, FORGET NOT my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: 

Pro 3:2  For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. 

Pro 3:3  Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: 

Pro 3:4  So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. 

Pro 3:5  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 

Pro 3:6  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 

Pro 3:7  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. 

Pro 3:8  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. 

Pro 3:9  Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: 

Pro 3:10  So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine. 

Pro 3:11  My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 

Pro 3:12  For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. 

Pro 4:13  TAKE FAST HOLD OF instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.

Pro 6:20  My son, KEEP thy father's commandment, and FORSAKE NOT the law of thy mother: 

Pro 6:21  BIND THEM CONTINUALLY upon thine heart, and TIE THEM about thy neck. 

Pro 6:22  When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. 

Pro 6:23  For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life

Pro 23:23  BUY THE TRUTH AND SELL IT NOT; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding.

Col 1:23  If ye CONTINUE IN THE FAITH grounded and settled, and BE NOT MOVED AWAY from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister

Heb 2:1  Therefore we ought to give the MORE EARNEST HEED to the things which we have heard, LEST AT ANY TIME WE SHOULD LET THEM SLIP

Heb 3:6  But Christ as a son over his own house; whose house are we, IF WE HOLD FAST the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope FIRM UNTO THE END. 

Heb 3:14  For we are made partakers of Christ, IF WE HOLD the beginning of our confidence stedfast UNTO THE END; 

Heb 3:15  While it is said, TODAY if ye will hear his voice, HARDEN NOT YOUR HEARTS, as in the provocation

Heb 4:14  Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, LET US HOLD FAST our profession.

Heb 10:23  LET US HOLD FAST the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) 

Heb 10:24  And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 

Heb 10:25  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. 

Jesus, Remember Me!

 Take up your cross daily. You've heard this before, you've read it for yourself, you comprehend what it means and yet, can you even find that cross you're supposed to be taking up? What's it look like to you? Jesus knew the cross He would bear, bleed upon, and die hanging from. The people in Jesus' day knew what crosses were. The crosses were visible, literal and stained deeply by the blood of many a man. Were they all innocent, no, not by far. Were some innocent? Perhaps some were crucified unfairly, but we do know for a fact that One of those who hung upon a cross, was crucified horrifically and was completely innocent. 

We are not innocent. If you say you are, then you're sadly mistaken, in fact you are deceiving yourself. 

The cross we are to take up daily obviously isn't a literal cross- if it were we couldn't take it up more than once, right? And this cross Jesus speaks of is one we are to take up daily.

We are to deny ourselves and take up the cross. 

Two thieves hung on crosses one on each side of our Savior. One thief mocked Jesus, the other confessed his own guilt and sought forgiveness. One thief was full of self, the other was denying self. One ridiculed the Savior, the other pleaded with Him. 

The figurative cross we take up daily and deny ourselves must first and foremost be equal to the cross of the thief that denied himself and uplifted Jesus as His Savior. We have to recognize our INABILITY to save our guilty selves. That thief had no hope, he was going to die that day. That thief knew Jesus preached of a kingdom in heaven- the gospel that had spread far and wide. Jesus was the 'talk of the town' at that time, very few, if any, did not know who He was, who He claimed to be, and what He claimed He could do. Raising the dead, bringing them back to life was unheard of then and still today. Jesus - the Son of God, promised He'd come again, that He was going to prepare a place, that at the last trump He would return to raise the dead from their graves and change those still living to immortal beings. The promise of life eternal was what Jesus preached to the masses. The remorseful thief knew of Jesus, just as the unremorseful thief knew of Him. 

Unable to save himself the remorseful thief turned to the only one who could give him hope. Unable to save himself the unremorseful thief decided to criticize his only hope, choosing not to believe any of Jesus' promises.

We all have a cross to bear, but we all do not deny ourselves. We choose to deny Christ, rather than self.  

Daily let's pick up our cross, denying self, recognizing Jesus as our Savior- every single day, don't miss a day of self-denial- to do so is to miss a day of recognizing Jesus Christ our Lord, the giver of our lives now and for eternity if we choose. Think of the remorseful thief there next to our suffering, dying Savior, pleading to be remembered.  We must plead to be remembered, not boast of our own goodness in any way, just our need, our complete need of Jesus.                 All by His amazing love! His mercy! His Grace! His Forgiveness! All through HIM now and forever! AMEN!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Luk_9:23  And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

1Jn_1:8  If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

Luk 23:39  And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. 

Luk 23:40  But the other answering rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? 

Luk 23:41  And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. 

Luk 23:42  And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. 

Luk 23:43  And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee to day, shalt thou be with me in paradise. 

Psa 51:1 …Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 

Psa 51:2  Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 

Psa 51:3  For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. 

My Own Dance With Grief.

 A hair. A teeny tiny, maybe a quarter of an inch (if that) hair. Your hair. Remember, I thought I'd cleaned them all up. I thought I'd seen the last of your hair, but I should have known better. Hair isn't something easily gotten rid of as anyone who has had to clean up can attest to. Jerry's hair was dark originally but as age does to all, the gray began to creep in and take over. Keeping his hair cut very short the gray was still noticeable, but not glaringly so. 

The tiny hair was found when I moved a green scrubbie up off the light blue ceramic dish it sat upon. Just a single dark hair there on the otherwise clean dish and it was larger than life in my heart. I didn't know if I would cry or smile, and then I was somehow managing both.

I miss you! Tears.

A little reminder of you! Smile.

My heart aches! Tears.

The memory of the softness of your hair on my fingers, my lips. Smile.

To never caress your cheek, or trace my fingertip slowly along the shape of your ear, never to tease the hair on the back of your neck, tickling you. Tears.

Tears.

Tears.

Just tears now as all I've lost in losing you sweeps over any ability to smile. The trigger was a lone tiny hair, the result- a mix of emotions as grief began a gentle war against the tentative peace my heart had found. A passive war for mere moments because once the tears began in earnest my heart squeeze tight on the flimsy dam erected to keep them at bay. 

The roar of pain created by the river of weeping flooding my soul was silent except for the gasping anguish made with each breath I tried to take. Stop! Just stop! It hurts too much! It's not supposed to hurt this much still!

They tell me to stop!

They tell me to be strong!

They tell me they understand, but do their hearts bleed with the cutting tears of sorrow's razor sharp knife!? And if so, then they know! They… know… the pain and are a testament to its rise and..

to its fall.

They know the dance, the moves so reminiscent of an unscripted, unknown chorography. This dance of grief is one we must create out of our own music of mourning. I may waltz in the pain holding the memories tight, I may sway languidly as those memories ease so I can live in tomorrow's memories of today. A frenzy of passion may seize my entire being as I twirl between the whirlwind of the past and present. It's an ongoing dance all my own and to each- to everyone's - own.

Death, grief, mourning, a daily occurrence for all of us. We may remain untouched by death's intimacy for many years, or it may haunt us from a young age. Children losing parents, parents losing children, young, old, it greets us all differently. 

Right now I grieve a loss bitter, sorrowful, aching to me in a way no prior death I've encountered has touched me. 

Let me grieve.

Let me share my moments of grief with you.

Also, let me reassure you…

I smile. I laugh. I sing. I pray. I worship. I rejoice. I have the peace of my Lord… all of this… and yes, moments of the deepest grief. 

I'm not living in darkness, but I descend to the darkness of grieving as a part of my dance through life, only to ascend from that momentary descent to… 

get on with living without my husband, without Jerry, with his love, without his touch, without his kiss, without his beautiful eyes smiling their knowing brilliance into mine, along with the cutest grin of his lips. I miss you, Jerry, I miss you so much.

*******

Isa 51:11  Therefore the redeemed of the LORD shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

2Co 4:17  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 

2Co 4:18  While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

Mat 5:4  Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted

The Nature of Jesus' Flesh.

 The conception of Christ. Now that isn't a topic you read about every day. We give too little thought to the conception of Christ. Why? Because it is ultimately a great mystery. So why bother about it at all? Mystery solvers might be able to give us a hint about the why, that old 'thrill to solve'. Is this really a mystery that needs to be solved though? Shouldn't we just say- the Holy Spirit did it, and leave it at that? I'm not going to, not today and maybe not tomorrow, we won't bother about the day after that though- it's too far into the future for my liking.

Most of the people reading this already understand the human conception process. From a laboratorical, laboratorish way, in the manner of scientist-- it's when a seed from a male and an ova from a woman are joined together. Even then in this day and age they are messing with seeds and ova and taking bits and pieces of them and altering things so that they can manipulate the outcome. That, however, is a thought for a whole other day.

In simple terms - the seed and the ova have to begin a process of cell dividing by joining together either from a natural process or an artificial one. We cannot have a human being without this process, it just won't happen. Before scientists took over things in their attempt to help infertility and the like- the only process was a natural one and this process was used for the majority of human existence. Most assuredly in Jesus' day it was the only process being thought of.

Having said all that, we now have the miracle of a virgin birth- meaning a birth coming from absolutely no man and woman joining process taking place. There are some species of creatures in our world - most notably frogs (thanks to one of the most famous dinosaur movies a lot of us know about this already- spontaneous reproduction). These species of creatures thought to be all one sex just happen to have a hidden switch that can spontaneously make them another sex in order to keep their species in existence. 

Are you still with me here? Humans have never had this ability for spontaneous reproduction, never- we lack whatever it is that causes such a thing. There was only one way for a human to get pregnant WITHOUT any human process back in the day of Jesus and that one way is called a…Miracle. 

Do we stop studying the subject now because we've mentioned the word miracle which automatically tells us it's beyond our ability to truly comprehend? No, I'm not going to stop studying it, not yet. Knowing the whys and wherefores of Jesus' conception is very important for a reason. Read the following verse-

1Jn 4:2  Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: 

Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:

1Jn 4:3  And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh

is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world. 

You might be breathing a sigh of relief at this point because you already believe Jesus came in the flesh- end of story, close the book you are not of the spirit against Christ. Wait a moment though, just a moment. Ask yourself this question, do you know anyone at all who doesn't think Jesus was made of flesh? There isn't a single person I know who thinks Jesus was made of anything but human flesh. He had skin like us, He bled like us, He lived like we live with all our human bits and pieces. When He was born- He was born in appearance like every other baby born- no one claimed He was born with anything but flesh. So if NO ONE is saying Jesus had some weird alien flesh, then why would we need to read the above?  Jesus came in the flesh and is of God. Aren't we all of God?  Aren't we all alive because of God? There isn't a single person in existence that isn't born because God willed their birth and made it possible. Every spirit that confesses NOT that Jesus Christ is come in the FLESH - is NOT of God.  Everyone agrees Jesus Christ was born with flesh, they just don't all agree He was actually the Son of God. So why this verse about the flesh? Was it really necessary to put flesh in there? Yes. 

I have to ask a question, it begs to be asked- the flesh Jesus Christ was born with what kind of flesh was it?

If you're shaking your head and thinking me crazy for asking I understand completely. The thing is, some people think Jesus was born with a super, reinforced, holy kind of flesh. They think this special flesh kept Him from any and all ability to sin. Others think Jesus came with the flesh that the first created human beings possessed, again with a special protection that had nothing to do with inclination towards sinning. Remember, when Adam and Eve were created they inherited no nature of sinful flesh- that stuff they passed down to us. And then you have other people who believe Jesus was born with flesh just like you and I possess, you know the kind I just mentioned.  Flesh of a sinful nature, a nature that had us being born naked. Think about that for just a few moments. Before Adam and Eve sinned they didn't even know they were naked because they were covered in the light of God's presence in their life. They were pure, they were immortally kept, they were living in innocence. In their being told to - 'Be fruitful and multiply' they were going to have children and those children were not going to be born into a situation of nakedness if those two weren't even aware of their own nakedness. The first human being born after sin entered humanity was born naked, not covered in the light of God's presence of purity. Does that mean the babe was born evil? No. It means that the babe was born with a nature much different than the one Adam and Eve were created with. Jesus was born naked so He could not have been born like Adam and Eve were created. Jesus was born vulnerable to all of sins assaults.  Adam and Eve were created and lived in a perfect garden knowing absolutely nothing of sins assaults.

Bringing this all back together a bit here, the reason we need to know more about Jesus' conception is because we need to know what flesh He was born with and have that truth settled in our hearts so we are not deceived. If you think I'm nitpicking things that it doesn't really matter if we understand all this, please, stop reading and go about your business. When I read in God's word that some people are not going to believe Jesus truly came in the 'flesh' and they'll have the spirit that is against Christ (antichrist) I have to pay attention. Satan is a great deceiver, the best in fact, and he will stop at nothing at all to get us to fall for his deceptions. In the day Christ returns and calls His people to meet Him in the air- there are going to be a whole lot of people who think they belong to Jesus who aren't. That's SCARY, yes, with all capital letters scary! They are going to cry out they did all sorts of things in His name, they are His! But He is going to tell them to get away from Him, that He doesn't know them!  How frightening that should be for ALL of us to read. It should frighten us enough so that we examine our relationship with our Savior with a fine tooth comb. If we don't think our relationship with Christ needs a fine tooth comb, then what in the world deserves the examination with a fine tooth comb? 

We need to study to show ourselves approved unto God, rightly dividing the word of truth. Those aren't my words, they are GOD's. Do you remember the Bible verse that has been made very popular- John 3:16- For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Our walk with Christ doesn't end with simply believing in a single moment like some people want to imagine it does. 

Jas 2:19  Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. 

The first step IS believing, without believing there is nothing. Believing is forever first and foremost. There can be nothing more without belief. There is nothing we can do to merit salvation, that is a gift we are given. Jesus died to give the gift of salvation to all! Jesus never told a single person to believe once and no more. That belief was a living belief, a forever belief, a belief reflected in our lives. Being a Christ follower was a way of living, not a part of our lives tucked away into a corner pulling it out only when needed. A Christ follower lives for Christ. A Christ follower lives for the eternal life in Christ. Eternal life's gift isn't that we live forever, it's that we live forever WITH CHRIST! 

Yes, we have lives that call on us to do many things - many everyday things- and in all of them our Savior is a part when He is our life, when we've accepted Him. 

Does it matter what flesh our Savior took on? Yes. Because there are many FALSE Christs, many. People throughout history since Jesus lived and died have been creating their versions of Christ to worship- versions convenient to their lives. Satan has been setting up false Christ's ever since Christ died and Christ knew he would!

Mat_24:24  For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

2Jn_1:7  For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist.

A deceiver. So yes, the flesh our Savior possessed is of importance. Which did our Savior truly have-- our flesh, holy flesh, Adam's Pre-Fall flesh? 

Was the Christ you follow touched with the feeling of your infirmities?

Heb_4:15  For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Was the Christ you follow tempted like you are- yet without sin? You read that right- tempted LIKE YOU ARE. 

Holy flesh, flesh pre-fall absolutely CANNOT be tempted like we are- it's impossible. 

Jesus was born with flesh just like ours. Upon conception the Holy Spirit facilitated the needed seed to join with the ova. How this was done- well, just like Abraham's Sarah, and John the Baptist's mother Elizabeth, as well as Hannah, Samuel's mother and Rachel who bore Joseph and Benjamin … all these women were worked upon by the Holy Spirit and yet none of them knew how the actual work was done, just the results of that work. God who spake the world into existence, God can speak into existence all that needs to be done and that word He speaks can be spoken silently. God the declared Son of the Father, gave up His form suitable for divinity - He removed the light of holy presence off of Himself, allowed Himself to be formed into the seed of fallen human man. He allowed Himself to be a human seed joined to another human ovan order to grow and multiply just as every other human being born to mankind has had to do. Why? Why did He choose this path to bring us salvation? If He were simply going to use His God power to save us He could have appeared just as He was in Heaven. He divested Himself, He emptied Himself in order to become one of us! We like to imagine He had some power of His own to use and that was the only reason He could keep from giving into the temptations He faced as a human being in our sin inclined flesh. The truth of the matter is, IF He had this power to use then HE WAS NOT LIKE US AT ALL! And again, if He was not like us at all, why bother with all the theatrics of being born a human being? Jesus was faced with choices from the moment He was cognizant enough to do so as any developing child and He made the RIGHT choices not through any special power of His own. God the Father in heaven was the power Jesus relied upon!  

Satan would have had a field day crying foul as loud as he could for all the universes in existence to hear if Jesus had saved mankind with an unfair advantage. It would have proven NOTHING for Jesus to use His God power to save mankind. It would not have shown at all that humanity is capable of choosing God, following God, loving God with all their hearts, minds and souls! Satan caused sin to enter mankind's world and he wanted to lay claim to mankind as his forever, triumphing over God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Satan wanted to prove humanity was a failed creation act of God's completely unworthy of any redemption. Satan tried as hard as He could to get Jesus - the God who laid off His divinity and became human- to sin. Satan tempted Jesus beyond our ability to fully imagine in an effort to prove humans were unable to be save. IF there were no chance for Him to best Jesus, he wouldn't have bothered trying- he would have just proved the plan of salvation was all a lie and nothing more. 

Do we comprehend the true nature of Jesus' flesh? We need to. There are so many who have made Jesus a liar and a cheat, a deceiver greater than Satan himself, when they give Him an unfair advantage as a human being. That's not trivial at all, and everyone who does this horrible thing will not be known of Jesus, how could they be? They've chosen to pull comfy wool eyeshades down over their eyes refusing to see truth because it might spoil their chosen way of life. God help us ALL to see truth and only truth!!!!!!!

May God bless this study of TRUTH and only TRUTH, in Jesus Christ our Lord, now and forever! Amen!!!!!!!

You're A Life Preserver.

 Our lives are in a state of constant change whether we notice or not. Constant change, never ending change, change without end- ah yes, I've said the same thing enough now that you know what I'm hinting at. Change can be good, bad, or neither- it can just be neutral, you know that unnoticeable kind of change. I think we mostly prefer the neutral change even more than a good change. How can I say that? Because even 'good' changes are in fact changes that take us out of that neutrality we seem to crave in order to continue our lives on an even keel, and who doesn't like that even keel? Smooth sailing, sailing without any hitch in the giddy-ups. Sailing and horses, who would have  thought they'd go together in any sort of metaphor? We don’t like too rough of waters, we don't want to be without wind in our sails (especially when we are motorless), and we absolutely do not want any hitches in any of our giddy-ups. No details there, we all have giddy-ups and a hitch in them only spells trouble. Change, good or bad can produce hitches and uneven keels. We may love the fact we've been given good news- a new job, a new home, a new car, a new love, a new baby- but with each of those things comes change (you can't get anything new without altering the old in some way, giving up at least a part of it). Giving up the old can be like leaving a best friend behind, giving up a family heirloom, having to start twelfth grade in a brand new high school, and so on and so forth. Our excitement for the 'good' change is often tempered by the anxiousness of change itself. Anxiety is so incredibly common it exists in the majority of people on some level. People will go to great lengths to ease their anxiousness, wanting the even keel experience of life that gives us the most calm. We take pills, drink, smoke, eat, exercise, meditate, pray… yes, there are many ways we seek calm water throughout of lives…many, many ways and a lot of those ways are not good ways, but a lot are also actually good too. It's all a part of us trying to bring peace into our ever changing, anxiety producing lives.

Change. Some people go through life saying they don't like change. Others go through life craving change- they can barely handle the smooth waters, to them they are just too calm, too boring, too mundane. Then there are some people who live on that middle ground of change- they want it slowly, on their own terms, just enough to keep their lives interesting for them. 

Forced change, this is the worst kind of change we experience. When we say to someone who has experienced a forced change that it's all part of life, don't be too upset, get over it, don't dwell on it, move on, think of better days, time will make it alright, don’t worry, we've all been there… need I go on? No, I don't think I need to go on, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The tragedy of forced change is that it tips the boat over, capsizing it, barely keeping it afloat enough to preserve life. Forced change hitches the giddy-up so that there is absolutely no giddy-upping at all, there is barely a limping slow walk. Forced change can be anything from the sudden loss of a job, the loss of a home through fire, foreclosure and so on, the loss of…  you know what I'm going to say because it's what I've been dealing with for a little over two and half months now.  The forced change of losing a loved one- be it a parent, grandparent, child, sibling, friend, fur or furless animal friend, or a spouse, any forced change through the loss of someone you love is awful.

Through my fifty-nine years of existence and the hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands- I'm not going to say millions, I'm just not, of changes that I've gone through - the tiniest to the biggest- this loss of my spouse is the absolute worse. (Let me say right now that it probably isn't the worst loss a person can experience- just my worst at this point in my life.) 

I WANT to get used to it. I WANT to get over it. I WANT to accept it. I WANT to feel better. I WANT to get my boat back on an even keel. I WANT the hitch to get out of my giddy-up. I WANT time to heal me. I WANT all those lovely, truly well-meaning, genuinely good-intentioned wishes that are coming right from the very hearts of my loved ones- family and friends, to be realized in my life and you know what, I KNOW they will happen, they just haven't happened yet. 

It's different for everyone, you never really get over it, some days will be better than others… these are all the things that people who have experienced this forced change have told me… and I BELIEVE them. 

I CHERISH each and every prayer spoken for me. I CHERISH every thought given on my behalf. I cannot tell each of you personally just how much I LOVE you and I mean that, I'm not just saying it flippantly. I LOVE that you have blessed me with your kindness even for a single fleeting moment in your lives. Those well-meant words are the way we tell someone we CARE for them, and caring for another person is something we need to truly appreciate at our very core, it's all a part of loving one another as we need to do, as our Savior would have us do.   

Please, if you've read this far through all my same ol', same ol' as I dredge through my need to write as if it might, just might help me in some way… please, don't stop giving me all your well-meaning words, I need them. The verbal/visual arms thrown around me hugging my very soul with each 'like', 'love', 'caring' and all the comments keep me grounded in a way I can't explain. Maybe because you are all life preserver for me in my stormy sea and I can cling to your presence and know none of you will let me drown. Thank you for that, thank you for not letting me drown.

Please, say a prayer for me if you can- my boat is on a very stormy sea right now, and that hitch, well, that hitch has my giddy-up gone at the moment and the horse is refusing to move except for the occasional pawing at the ground, and a shifting from foot to foot. 

Change If life is constantly changing, I so long for a better tolerance to it all. May I receive the peace that passes all understanding that only God can give me- as I go through this very rough change, and all changes to come. Jesus, leaves His peace with me….

Joh_14:27  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for Your peace!

And thank you, family and friends for your love, for being life preservers I can grab hold of just by knowing you're there.  Loves!         

Be 'Of' God.

 Job 1:1  There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil. 

Gen_6:8  But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.

Exo 33:17  And the LORD said unto Moses, I will do this thing also that thou hast spoken: for thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name. 

Noah lived in a world of such sin that it needed to be destroyed. Noah alone of all the people living then was worthy to be saved from the destruction. Do you imagine that Noah's life was one of ease? I don't. And Job, we know that Job for all his perfection lost everything dear to him in any way, and even his good health was taken from him all very swiftly and devastating. Moses' life was one of great hardship as well. If you name every single Biblical man and woman of God with any sort of history to them- you would comprehend that these people of God had HARD lives. Not a single person is portrayed as having it all nice and easy. Even Solomon, the wisest man to ever have lived (other than our Savior) did not have a perfectly wonderful, easy life.  And let's talk more about our Savior's life. We don't know too much of His life before He started His ministry, but we know a lot about after He began. Was our Savior's life one of ease for those three years leading to His crucifixion? No, not at all.

WHY do we expect lives of ease? Why? WHY!? Yes, I'm screaming. We get it stuck in our heads that we have some 'RIGHT' to happiness. We bemoan lives of pure hardship- not that I've had one, because I haven't. I have been blessed beyond measure in many ways. That's not to say I've had a life of ease, I haven't- though compared to some (probably many) I have. 

We have no right to happiness, no right to a problem free life. The men and women closest to God were NOT perfectly happy all the time, they just weren't. If we make our happiness a prerequisite to belonging to God then we will be entirely lost. If we make having perfect lives a sign of belonging to God we are in for a big surprise, and not a good one. Satan loves to give happiness and lives of riches and ease if it suits his ultimate agenda.  That's not to say a person with a Job-like experience in their lives are automatically God's, there is just no perfect formula for anyone to measure against to know whether they are favored by God. 

Yes, in the Bible there are many men and women of God we are told about, and yes, we would LOVE to be numbered among them as being 'of God'. We just have to realize that no matter what our life's circumstances- good, bad, horrific, or fantastic it just doesn't tell us anything at all. We are God's by faith, not by our human measure of being blessed by Him with ease in life. We are God's if we choose to be God's in all sincerity of heart! We are God's through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He died for ALL! We choose if we are willing to accept the Sacrifice He made for us, no one is forced to choose Jesus, no one is forced but all will have to make a choice. Just please, don't look on your life of utter horror (if you've lived one, or are currently living one) and believe you are hated by God, you are not. 

God has your life of perfection in His love waiting for you. That gift of eternal life is waiting for you to experience when Jesus returns for you. That is an undeniable promise that will be fulfilled no matter what your life is like from its beginning all the way to the end. This world does not offer us a problem free life not from the moment were born until the moment we die. We need to live our lives for eternity's promise in Christ. May God help me to keep eternity in my sight, to keep Jesus in my life always. Jesus came to give us the Good News of Salvation through Him, Please, please! Accept Jesus's gift! 

All through His love Always!!!!!!! 

Temporary Living- Forever Hope.

 Warring not against flesh and blood. The snares of the Devil are a very real thing that most people would rather not discuss, at least not in any serious sort of way. Let's regulate the Devil to fantasy and horror, and keep him out of our real lives because to believe in him as a reality would be taking things much too far. The horror movies and such have done a great job at portraying the Devil as a demon with monster status while at the same time making him into some likeable, very personable fellow that you'd want protecting your back. A misunderstood sort of guy who really does have a heart after all and only does what he does because he has been maligned and given a bad break- he has in fact been given a bad reputation, undeservedly, or say he'll lead you to believe. Yes, the Devil will take on any persona at all whatsoever so long as he can deceive and, yes, he deceives in ways beyond our imagining.

When we realize that the Devil would just as soon offer us wonderful things as well as destruction in all parts of our lives, we comprehend that he is powerful in his own right and able to deceive so completely we need the power of God to defend us, to keep us, to protect us. 

The good in our lives, as well as the bad- if we love God truly will work out for our good in ways beyond our comprehension. And not for our personal good alone, but for those in our lives. Tragedies happen all the time, every single day, awful tragedies. They befall those who are outright evil, and those who are God fearing in every way possible. There is no respect of persons when it comes to so many aspects of our lives- we all suffer.

We are all simply human beings given life to give God glory. When we realize  that we live to give God glory throughout our lives in all the good and all the bad, we understand a sliver of love. All that is hopeless is of the Devil, all that is hope is of God. In the tragedies of our lives, and there are going to be many, so many, in each of them, in the worst of them, hope is our only strength.

How could anyone who claims to love another human being with their whole heart not comprehend the hope you need to have should they perish, that you will one day be reunited with that love? That hope is only found in our Lord and Savior, the God of all hope, the God we give glory. 

Your life may be filled with only heartache, deep heartache, but you know, as we all should know- this life is temporary.  The older you get the faster you spin around in the funnel of life - time running out the closer to the bottom- faster and faster time goes and the inevitable end of life is upon you. We are allowed hope, but only if we choose hope beyond the temporariness we know. 

Rom 8:28  And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 

Loving God, we must love God and loving Him means believing in Him and the Hope He has given to mankind.  The Hope is there for the asking, it's a future- it's faith.  It's unseen but known as a reality. Our Lord and Savior has promised us this Hope, Jesus Christ our Lord! How cannot we not love when we are given Hope, such a precious gift. All glory, all thanksgiving, all honor to our God, now and forever! Amen!!!!!!!

I Have Questions.

 I have questions.

You have taken my answers with you.

I have questions.

Silent tears hold no clues.

I have questions.

They won't stay silent.

I have so very many questions.

You tried so hard to give me all the answers.

I have questions.

You wanted me to listen.

I have questions.

You wanted me to remember.

I have questions.

You were supposed to be here to answer.

I have questions.

Screaming anguish filled cries, I have questions.

No answers.

Breathless, I have questions. 

No more answers, not from you, my Answer Giver.

Silent agony, silent emptiness, silent answers, no answers.

I have questions, Jerry, so many, many questions.

Your absence is so much louder when I want…when I need, answers, your answers. 

Answers. Who do you usually turn to when you want answers? Most likely it would depend upon the question, right? That's logical. You wouldn't go to a child and ask a question only an adult could answer.  

Today we have our cellphones, tablets, laptops, Siri, Echo and so on to give us all kinds of answers to any question we might have. These impersonal answers -for the most part- even when it's a video of a person giving you information, or a live chat and that person is right there in real time talking with you- it still lacks something that an in person back and forth discussion entails. I'm not knocking those who believe that way to get answers is just as good, I will admit that kind of interaction is a lot better than no interaction and if you have no other recourse it is amazing. Right now I'm in a place in my life where I've been deprived of my main source of in person contact, deprived of my Answer Giver, and I have so many, many questions! Siri can't tell me what to do with the little gadget in the garage I have no clue about. Google might be able to give me a hint if I put in the right key words. I could even get a friend or two on face time and they might have the answer, but… I don't have MY Answer Giver any longer, He's gone. 

I have a thought, and from that thought springs a larger idea, and from the idea I'm bombarded with questions and then I'm slapped in the face hard enough to mentally jerk me back a few steps, He's not hear to ask! With Him I didn't have to worry if my thoughts, ideas and subsequent questions were a bit out there, He knew me from head to toe, from my craziest thought to my sanest moment and all those weebly wobbly moments in between. When my question  seemed to be ludicrous He would let me know without any wasted time sparing feelings, then He'd indulge my ideas, thoughts and questions patiently enough. Often my lack of knowledge was a source of amusement for us both. My Answer Giver had so much knowledge, so incredibly much.

You may know someone who is smart, you may be that person who is smart. I've run into a few truly smart people who reached a level of brilliance that had them believing in all sincerity that ALL people should be as smart as they are. I've probably mentioned this already, but I don't care, I need to mention it again. My Answer Giver was often amazed at my lack of knowledge because He didn't recognize His own uniqueness in his intelligence. 

Perhaps some of you reading this who know Him may scoff at what I'm saying. Some may laugh and say that He was full of Himself and not smart at all. Others may think I'm downright putting Him on a pedestal because I love Him and I'm using super thick rose colored glasses to look at Him with. I don't care, I know, what I know.  I knew one other person like Him and she didn't understand her own brilliance either and couldn't comprehend the lack of brilliance in others. She was quite shocked when I pointed out to her that most people are NOT like her, she was in the minority. My Answer Giver was in the minority too, often much to my chagrin. 

*******

We are to ask all the questions we can while our loved ones live. 

Would I have asked more questions of Jerry had I known the day of this death?

Yes, a thousand times, yes. 

At least, I think I would if I could have come to a place of belief in that knowledge. The truth is, we don't usually know the day of a person's death. I say usually because some people die very slowly and do have time to answer questions. My mother died very slowly. We knew she had terminal cancer and Alzheimer's both and that her time of mental clarity was growing shorter, and physically she would leave us in just a matter of a year, year and a half from diagnose.  Did I ask my mom questions? I did. My younger sister, Elizabeth asked her a lot of questions about her life, a lot. We asked questions of a woman who meant so much to us as our mother. A loving mother, one we could not have ask for better. She raised us with love- unconditional love. She raised us as best she knew how. She gave us so much, taught us so much, loved us so much. I had questions, but….  Yes, I have to add a 'but'… because those questions were not the questions of a wife to a husband about their entire life, and a future alone. Jerry tried to prepare me by giving me a list of his tools and such and prices to ask for them should I need to sell them. He told me not to grieve more than three days and most certainly not more than a month- ahhhh, grieving is a lifelong process in this case more than any other I've had to face.  Jerry tried to prepare me a bit, without conceding to any reality of a nearing death. We still talked of the future together that we thought we'd have. We talked of next spring…and getting a load of fresh compost for our garden… next spring, there will be no fresh load of compost, no garden. I still don't know if I'll even be living here. 

Talk to your loved ones now without believing it's morbid to do so. Talk about that gadget in the garage and hey, even write the answer down somewhere because people forget- I've forgotten so much He tried to teach me, so much.

I have questions.

Ecc_9:10  Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.

Redeemable In the Eyes of God.

 Faith is Hope. Heb 11:1  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 

Faith is the substance- this means faith is made up of, composed of--  things, but not just any old things. Faith is made up of things we hope for. Faith and hope, you cannot have one without the other it's an impossibility. It's through this hope comprised faith we hold fast to it as evidence for things we haven't experienced yet. 

When we talk about losing our faith, what exactly have we lost? We've lost our hope in the things we haven't yet seen, we no longer have faith as the evidence of that hope. 

We no longer hope. 

Hope is a precious gift, so incredibly precious. To have hope inspires so much in our lives. If I ask you if you have faith in someone, I'm basically asking you if you have hope in that person to be the person you believe them to be. How many people have had faith in others only to have that faith misplaced? People disappoint each other on a constant basis. How hard it is to give up hope in someone you love. You continue to hold on to having faith in them beyond the disappointments and setbacks. Even when all seems lost you a still have faith in someone- in the potential of someone. One of the most incredibly hard things to do is give up all faith in another person. It's hard to give up that faith and it's hard to be the one who has been given up on. 

Have you ever been given up on? Has anyone ever washed their hands of you? The knowledge that a person no longer has any hope for you can be devastating. I have firsthand knowledge of this situation. I've been in the shoes of being one who others have given up on, the one who others have lost all hope in. I've had people turn their backs on me as they've considered me a lost cause, irredeemable beyond any hope. If you're someone who knows me and you're reading this (truly, I don’t know if anyone reads these things I write and that's not the point), if you know me and you just read what I wrote you may or may not know of the circumstances involved in others losing all hope in me. The circumstances are irrelevant beyond a need to satisfy a curiosity, which I'm not going to satisfy. Suffice it to say it's an awful thing to be given up on, to be deemed unworthy, to be thrust out of a person's life so completely and permanently all based on their loss of all hope in you as a person worthy of their continuing to know. To know you've been a part of something that made you hopeless in another's eyes is, for me at least, heartbreaking. We don't want to believe we can be lost beyond any hope- we just don't. 

People will tell you that God will never give up on you, but the truth of the matter is, when we choose to give up on Him, He has no choice but to ultimately give up on us. 

Faith gives us hope. We can hold on to our hope even when things seem to be their very darkest, in fact, it's imperative that we do hold on to our hope especially in the darkest nights of our lives. 

People can give up on each other. We can be the ones giving up on others, or they on us for whatever reasons (usually they are reasons of worth.) People can give up on each other, but no one is irredeemable in the eyes of our LORD. We may be irredeemable in the eyes of one another, but that just goes to show us that our God is so much greater than any other, God first, then our fellow man.  And when another deems us unworthy and does not extend their forgiveness towards us seventy-times seven time (perfectly countless), then that is something they have to live with, and it's my prayer they are forgiven for not forgiving. They aren't God, none of us are. We are so unable to love with a perfect love, it gets so clouded with our self pursuits. 

Faith is hope. Hope in all the promises our God will never fail to fulfil. Our God gives us hope that we can CLING to tightly. Let the naysayers tell us our hope is silly, and without foundation, I know my hope in God has the greatest foundation in existence. 

May God bless us all with His everlasting love, may we choose to accept that love! May our hope remain firm in Him, and may we NEVER give up and lose hope in GOD, He will not lose hope in us first… never. When we give up on Him, He still hopes-- but only to a certain point. 

Mat 23:37  O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! 

Mat 23:38  Behold, your house is left unto you desolate. 

Jesus said those words-  your house is left unto you desolate. As a corporate body the Israelites, inhabitants, rulers of Jerusalem, rejected all that Jesus offered and He told them… Behold your house is left unto you desolate.  He wanted them to know Him, to know love, but they refused. 

There are many accounts where the people of God were given opportunities to repent and return to Him, but they often neglected those opportunities and were destroyed.

We destroy ourselves when we have no hope, no faith in our Lord and Savior to save us. It's a salvation that is beyond us, a salvation only He can give to us. His love is everlasting and eternal, but there are right now and until Christ returns-  wheat and tares living together. If we doubt there can even be tares that will be cast in to the fire and burned to nothingness like ash blown to the wind, then we doubt God's word, God's truth. We must pray to be among the wheat gathered to Him, and not the tares to be burned. WE CHOOSE. He doesn't FORCE. We choose faith the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. WE CHOOSE.

Choosing to hope, to believe is an amazing gift of God, faith. May our faith ever grow stronger and stronger even when we may be put into situations that scream at us to give up on God and all hope. Satan will stop at nothing to get us away from God, to make us give up all hope, to believe that our belief in God is a hopeless belief. We can't forget that this is a battle we are in, a fierce battle. We can't believe that life's rug won't be pulled out from under our feet over and over again, it will be. Sometimes that rug is yanked so hard we do backwards somersaults and end up with cracked skulls, all in an attempt by Satan to get us to denounce God. Satan will stop at NOTHING.  God has already given us EVERYTHING, we just need to believe- to have faith, to continue to hope to the end!

All by the grace and mercy, the love, the everlasting kindness of our God, of our LORD and SAVIOR, and through the great COMFORTER now and forever and ever. Thank you for NEVER giving up all hope on me LORD, all praise and thanksgiving to YOU. Thank you for my not being beyond hope, beyond redemption in YOUR eyes, the ONLY EYES the MATTER, for YOU come first GOD, you are MY GOD! And while I'd love nothing more to be considered redeemable in the eyes of mankind as well, I know my HOPE has to be in YOU first! I love you, God! I love you. Thank you, Jesus.   Amen!!!!!!!

Undercurrent Death- The Air I Breathe, Jesus!

 We walk through this world with an undercurrent of despair. I said, undercurrent and I mean undercurrent. This isn't something that is on the surface but rather it lies deep beneath the surface of every single life. Like seaweed tickling your toes as you wade out into the ocean, you can feel it sometimes barely, but other times you jerk your feet away as the slippery tangled vines seemingly alive through the undercurrent try to slither up over the tops of your feet and even dare to flick at your ankles. 

This despair that lives for the most part beneath the surface of our lives is the knowledge of death. This inevitability of death is a fearsome spectre which lives within us. We live day in and day out with this vile aspect to our lives and for the most part- we are accepting of its existence. We find it quite easy to live with actually, just so long as it isn't interfering too much with our lives.

As I grew up my first touch with death had to have been my paternal grandfather. I was 19 days shy of 7 years old and I still remember that day vividly. I can picture the house, the living room, the kitchen and all of us in a state of confusion because something terrible had happened. We were taken aside and told by my mother that Grandma called Dad in the middle of the night and said she couldn't wake Grandpa up, so Dad went out there to be with her. Later we were told Grandpa had died. At almost 7, I was old enough to comprehend death to a certain degree but I hadn't recalled any other people I knew in my entire short life who had died. I knew this man I called Grandpa. I knew him and loved him. He was only ever kind to me with a wonderful soft, gentle smile and a ready laugh. I didn't see him on a daily basis, maybe more of a every couple of months situation- they did live quite a distance from us. As a child it seemed like that distance was a couple hours long, but in reality it was only a half an hour, but still, far enough away that it wasn't a trip we'd make all the time. Death.

Death no longer lived beneath the surface for me at almost 7 years old, it had popped up and curled it's seaweed all around me capturing me right up to my chest, squeezing but not pulling me under. My world was rocked violently but not in such a way as I would come to know death's evil grip. And it does have an evil grip! It does!

Death is EVIL.  Don't let anyone try to placate you with how normal it is, how it's just a part of this great circle of life we are all a part of. It's NOT just a part, it's a huge, evil part! 

This is why death lurks as an undercurrent in our lives, ever there, ever waiting, it's evil showing off its teeth and talons, its victory- even if it's only temporary, it's still a victory of evil's making.

Death is inevitable but part of us knows, we KNOW, that death isn't how things are supposed to be. We know something went terribly wrong somewhere and death was a result.  You've seen the horror movies where plagues devastate society- something went wrong in some lab somewhere and the result was the almost extinction of humanity. The sense they try to portray in those movies is something going wrong to cause this to happen. I'm going to scale it way, way back to not an all humans gone at once scenario, but the horror story of the slow extinction. Every hundred years or so the earth has an entirely new group of people living on it except for a few oldtime stragglers holding on to 101 years, 102, and so on, but surely not more than 120 years at any given moment.   A hundred years ago today, the majority of people born are now dead.  And it will be the same tomorrow and the next day and the next. 

This was NOT how humanity was supposed to be.

Living with an undercurrent of death is how it is though, meant to be or not. That undercurrent can be swift or slow, rising or deep but it's there all the time. Part of us becomes immune to the true awfulness of death until we are caught in that undercurrent with our loved one only to survive while they perish. Part of us can die with our loved one, we may have survived the horror of being swept away, but we are never left unscathed.

Death is the undercurrent of our lives, but Eternal Life is the air we can breathe, the hope we leap for, the knowledge there is more beyond the awfulness of death. Eternal life, where death is annihilated completely and never a part of our existence ever again. Eternal life, how we were intended to live. Eternal life all that keeps the darkness of what death tries to be at bay. 

When we've lived through the evilness of death's existence in our life brought on by the great deceiver, the evil one, the Devil- we know that touch of evil intimately. We can THANK God through JESUS CHRIST that death will be abolished! There will be a victory over ALL death! Yes, I believe this with my whole heart for as touched by the evil it has been - it has been sealed with the love of my Savior for eternity, He is my everlasting hope. The undercurrent of death will be taken away entirely, wipe from our existence once and for all. There will be no more seaweed tickling our toes and inevitably threatening us with entanglement. That joyous day of Christ's return, that wondrous day of eternal existence with Him bodily, is hope, is love, is evil's complete and utter end promised in a glorious new way. 

Come, Lord Jesus, come soon! All through Your amazing love beyond my ability to fully comprehend! Thank you! All glory, praise and honor to You, Lord, now and forever! Amen!!!!!!!

Rom_12:12  Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer

Rom_5:2  By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Rom 8:24  For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? 

Rom 8:25  But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. 

1Co 2:1  And I, brethren, when I came to you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God. 

1Co 2:2  For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.

1Ti 1:15  This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. 

1Ti 1:16  Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting. 

1Ti 1:17  Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen. 

Joh_4:14  But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

Joh_5:24  Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.

Joh_6:27  Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed.

Joh_6:40  And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.

Joh_6:47  Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

Joh_12:50  And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak.

That I May Know Jesus.

 That I may know him. That I may know Jesus. How many of us come to know fictional characters in the books we read, the shows we watch, the movies we're fans of? There are Fanatic - fans who know intimate details of these fictional characters- not the actors portraying them- if they are from a show or movie, but the character, the made up person. People fall in love with fictional characters and mourn their passing should that character be written to die. Some go so far as to write angry emails demanding their character be miraculously revived- that it was all a nightmare sequence in the story read (show watched- you know what I mean).  That we can come to know characters that aren't real so well that they become a part of our lives is a sign of what? A good imagination?  A slight mental/emotional instability? Just part of being human? Who among us hasn't cried bitter tears at the death of a beloved character in one form or another? Sure, there are probably some who could say they never have and I believe them. Some people simply aren't born with an emotional ability to that depth, I've known at least one person like this in my circle of life. Others cry constant tears at attachments they've formed to fake…er…uhm…fictional characters, because they can attach themselves all too readily. In the span of a single- one hour tv show without knowing anything previous to a character- some can cry at their plight whatever it may be. We are humans who feel deeply. We even cry at two minute long television commercial characters. We do.

If we can invest that much emotion into a fictional being that isn't truly even real, why is it so many refuse to invest that much emotion in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ- a REAL man, a REAL God? (Before you tell me He's not real He is fiction- Read the book- Case For Christ- this author (man) spent two years as an investigative reporter trying desperately to prove that Jesus Christ wasn't real, and what happened at the crucifixion and resurrection wasn't fact. Seriously- do yourself that favor and watch the movie based on the book if you don't want to read the book.)  

Jesus a REAL human being! Jesus who promised YOU and ME a comforter- the Holy Spirit to be in our lives right now while Jesus ministers in the Most Holy Place in Heaven. It's a real promise from a real man!

Are you invested in Your Savior? You should be, He's in a daily show called- 'Your Life.' You can make Him as real as any character on tv etc. in fact, you can make Him much more real- He is real.  We act as if He's not knowable, but He is, He really is. 

Php 3:10  That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; 

Php 3:11  If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

That I may know HIM.

I want to know HIM. I want this loving God in my life! I want to know HIM. I want to comprehend His workings in my day to day life. 

Joh 16:7  Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you. 

Joh 16:8  And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: 

Joh 16:9  Of sin, because they believe not on me; 

Joh 16:10  Of righteousness, because I go to my Father, and ye see me no more; 

Joh 16:11  Of judgment, because the prince of this world is judged. 

Joh 16:12  I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. 

Joh 16:13  Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. 

Joh 16:14  He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall shew it unto you. 

Joh 16:15  All things that the Father hath are mine: therefore said I, that he shall take of mine, and shall shew it unto you. 

WE CAN KNOW HIM! Please Lord, let the SPIRIT OF TRUTH come to us as individuals seeking to know You and Your truth. Please let us see with spiritual sight all that You are in our lives. Give us the Comforter, let Him come to us! We would know YOU, really, really know You, LORD JESUS, and in knowing You we will know the FATHER and we will know the Holy Spirit! All though YOUR love, now and forever! AMEN!!!!!!!

The Royal Law- Love.

 What is sin? The transgression of God's royal law- the Ten Commandments. What are the Ten Commandments? They are the written laws of love. People don't like to think of them that way. People would much rather consider those Ten Commandments as being done away with and old fashion. They don't want to comprehend the love in the Royal law because to do so would mean having an accountability to them.

Love.

Loving God and Loving Mankind.  

Loving our Creator, our Redeemer. If you're reading this and you do not believe in God as your Creator or Redeemer then there is nothing here for you. Seriously. There isn't a single thing I could say that would make you change your mind to believe in something you've chosen not to believe in. I could go on and on about my own belief and why I believe and still that wouldn't be enough. The reasons for your own unbelief will rear up as a bear on its hindlegs ready to intimidate an opponent before charging into a fight. I'm sure that's what your unbelief will do because we tend to cling tenaciously to our personal beliefs believing they are what makes us who we have become. To deny our beliefs even in the face of indisputable facts would still rip some vital core inside of us and make us vulnerable to our made out of clay status. We do NOT want to believe we were made from the dust of the ground, that we were shaped as clay vessels by a Creator- it makes us feel small, and insignificant in some way that repels our sense of self. We hold ourselves to be brilliant beings all on our own without any help from some old Creator. 

Then there is the whole 'IF' about the Creator -- if He really exists why are things so horrific.  That's a long, long talk that I'm willing to have but not right now.  Right now I just want to say that sin is a transgression against love.

Sin is harming God or harming one another in some way.  When you choose to harm God or another person you sin. If you sin you are in need of forgiveness. If you enjoy harming God and others, you truly are a child of sin's author- the Devil. Ah, did I lose you there? Have you gone and closed the window…maybe not quite yet if you're still reading this. We need to love. 

Jesus will end the Devil once and for all, it will happen of that I'm sure. Sin will end. There will be love, only love. If this isn't something you want to hear or believe I pray the Holy Spirit touches your life and you yield to that touch and accept Jesus Christ as Your Savior. Accept Love.

*

Rom 16:20  And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen. 

Gen 3:15  And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. 

Isa 25:8  He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it. 

Isa 25:9  And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this is the LORD; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation. 

Rom 8:37  Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 

Heb 2:14  Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; 

Heb 2:15  And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. 

1Jn 3:8  He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. 

Rev 12:10  And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night. 

Rev 20:1  And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand. 

Rev 20:2  And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years, 

Rev 20:3  And cast him into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal upon him, that he should deceive the nations no more, till the thousand years should be fulfilled: and after that he must be loosed a little season. 

Just A Box of Tissues

 A Box of Tissues.

It's not a box of gold to treasure. It's not a container of trinkets to cherish. This box of tissues sitting there on the bathroom counter, right there near the window sill, right there where he liked it to be, it isn't worth anything at all to anyone- but me.

So many things have been taken out of their place- it was inevitable because one of the ways I deal with uncertainty's unfathomable stress as it bombards me is to move things. You know you can't see stress, but you feel it's affects in your life if you take a few minutes to recognize them. I don't feel like a wind-up toy ready to be released the instant a fingertip moves from my string. Yet, underneath the surface of my skin it's there, this odd vibration telling me my life is out of sync. There is a strange energy I need to expend and believe it or not most of the time I'm not even aware it's there. That's stress. It hides inside us playing its special music unique each of us. The silent tune resonates through my life right now fixed in me for the time being and I sing along with it by moving things around. There's a purpose to each move, it's not random and chaotic. There's a thought process involved.  When Jerry was in and out of rehabs and hospitals for almost a year it first started - that invisible thrumming of stress. When it became apparent he would eventually come home different from when he left, that things would need to be moved, my newly strung internal instrument of stress found a source of sweet, yet brief, release.

Things had to be moved, and moved they would be.

You know that too wide dresser had to be replaced by a thin shelf. A too big of a chair exchanged for a smaller chair. A desk in slow decay- gone for another used desk, but only at the beginning stages of its decline. A sleeping chair made way for a hospital bed.  All these many changes resulted in many moves. First things had to be rearranged this way and that way just to see if we could manuver with a wheelchair moving about- that was a lot of moving involving many days and nights (it varied) of doing so. Of course, all the moving of things really meant little until Jerry could come home and test run through it all. My feeble attempts to mimic his invalid state never got it quite right. 

I could wheel around through the room this way and that way, I could reach this and that, I had access to this thing and that other thing… all in a wheelchair… but it wasn't the same not one bit. I wasn't weak through muscle atrophy. I wasn't wracked with pains- sharp, dull, and everywhere in-between. You can't truly imitate the reality of another's existence- but - you can try.

You could ask my son about this little moving stress monster inside me- he'd come home or wake up and see the daily changes and shake his head, voicing his concern with his oft repeated words-- "Don't overdo it, Mom, please." My mostly mute stressling inside me would choose this time to speak for me. "I won't." I'd reassure Matt, and of course I never ever moved things with the idea of overdoing it, I can't speak for Stressling though. 

Now in our lives, with Jerry no longer here, on a whole different level things are being moved constantly, almost daily. The upheaval of my life demands it because of my lack of financial security. I don't have time to rest and grieve, I have time to move and mourn. My stress simmers inside sometimes buried deep, other times in ripples under my skin. But isn't that the way it is for a lot of people? Worries, stress, this isn't unique to me or you, it's just life. 

Let's return to the unmoved tissue box that has managed to escape the constantly moving household landscape of my life. I had an awful revelation today as I plucked a single tissue from the box and realized there were only a few left… 

How will I use the last tissue from the very last box of tissues we will ever have shared? 

It's only a tissue box, it's only tissues, but they were our tissues. He touched that box, he used the tissues that came before. Ah, the things that stand out as I move and mourn, silly little things. The question remains unanswered, I don't know if I will use the last tissue from the very last box of tissues we shared. I just don't know.

*******

C.S. Lewis quote- "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world" "Always keep alive an eager longing for the next." 

'Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.' Romans 8:28

George MacDonald quote- "The Christian life is a constant fighting. You think that Jesus Christ came to save you from any suffering and to do you good. He came to save you from your sins, and until you are saved from them He will step between you and NO suffering." 

'As many as I love I rebuke and chasten. Be zealous therefore and repent.' Rev. 3:19 

Zec_13:9  And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God

Jas 1:12  Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

So Many Have Died For This.

 Written aforetime.

Written for our learning.

Written for our admonition.

Written for our doctrine.

Written for our reproof.

Written for our correction.

Written for our instruction.

Written for all.

Written by those moved by the Holy Spirit.

Yes, I'm talking about the Holy Bible. This awesome book comprised of 66 individual books. Well, you know all about it, don't you? It's a book that ever since it's widespread availability (even in just mere passages from a single book) have been the cause for others to kill those reading it. You read that right. People who were found to have a single passage from the Bible have been murdered for being in possession of it. MURDERED for possessing words! I'm not talking a fluke murder here and there by a deranged psychopath bent on killing a few people for having these words. I'm talking widescale manhunts searching for any who might possess these words and then publicly murdering those who have them. This happened, it's HISTORY, and wait, there's a bit more…  it's recent history as well as ancient. Yes, it's true. I'm not making this up. This isn't some lie to deceive you into thinking a darn thing! These are facts and if you are too blind to facts to let them sink into your conscience in any way, then so be it. We, as individuals, have been given a mind that allows us to believe whatever we ultimately choose to believe- right or wrong, and no one can force us to change those beliefs (without the aids of drugs, torture, etc). People can destroy our minds to change them, but left without that destruction or manipulation, people are free to choose to believe as they want to. 

Murdered for possessing written words. Why? Why is the fear of people having those words so great they need to be silenced? Why is the anger over people having those words so vile they have to destroy people to keep the knowledge from spreading. Why? For thousands of years this has been going on. Right now those written words on paper in book form are in my house, all over my house and for some that would get them killed! It's horrifying, truly horrifying. 

These words are power filled words that can bring eternal life, is it any wonder the One who brought death wants them destroyed or ignored- either suits his purposes.  Go ahead, ignore the words of life. Go ahead consider them mere fairy tales but know this- many have died horrible deaths and still die horrible deaths for that book of what you believe are lies and fairy tales. 

This is TRUTH. Face it right now, don't hide from it! Don't turn a blind eye to what is real! Don't shove it under your conscience's rug just so you don't have to feel anything at all about it but contempt or boredom. Simply don't do it because in this moment you have a chance to comprehend that there is importance in something that people throughout history are willing to die for possessing. It's not some passing crazy cultish scheme that is around for a few years and dies out. We're talking thousands of years-- thousands! It's not about ANY one denomination, but it is the religion of Christ. 

Rom 15:4  For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. 

1Co 10:11  Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come

2Ti 3:16  All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 

2Ti 3:17  That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

2Pe 1:20  Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. 

2Pe 1:21  For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. 

May God guide us to ALL truth! May we be blessed as we read His word to us, His truth! May we be thankful for being able to read the Word freely, without FEAR of death! All glory to God, who will reward ALL those who seek Him in sincerity of heart, and that reward is beyond our ability to fully comprehend, it's perfect love in eternity!

All through Jesus Christ our LORD and SAVIOR now and forever! 

Amen!

Our Deeds Are Manifest.

 Joh 3:19  And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 

Joh 3:20  For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 

Joh 3:21  But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

Do you have something to hide? Our sins can often be things we don't want to face, we'd rather hide them, ignore them, pretend they don't really exist. We justify ourselves by saying, the whole world believes differently therefore they must be right, my sin isn't sin any more. We don't like to call sin - sin. That implies a wrongness, an evilness. Why do you think we came up with the term "white lie"? To appease our conscience, to hush that still small voice whispering into our moral fiber that we might be sinning. White lies are okay, that's what we are told. What makes them white? They are harmless. White is often a symbolic color of purity, and as such our lies when made white are pure and harmless. No one wants Mr. or Mrs. Bluntspeaker to blurt out all sorts of things simply because they abhor white lying. "How are you today, Mr. Bluntspeaker?"  "Just awful, I woke up with a headache, my back hurts, and I have an ingrown toenail to boot. And how are you?" A simple, 'just awful' without any explanation would have sufficed, but saying you're 'just awful' is usually considered a precursor to details, whereas saying 'just fine' is in itself usually enough-no explanation needed. "Hey, Mrs. Bluntspeaker, how do you like my new haircut?"  "It's hideous. I bet you can't wait until it grows out." Again, a simple, "It's hideous" would not do at all, but neither is the rest of the reply appropriate. How do you get out of lying in that situation, when you truly think your friend's haircut is atrocious? "It's not my particular favorite style for anyone really, the important thing is that you like it."  You're not outright saying it's horrible, but you're not lying by saying it's wonderful. Will your friend still take offense, it's possible. We live in a world that has us excusing sin from the white lies to the many blatant sins that less than a hundred years ago would have people shunning those who commit them. Today sin is largely called good and if you oppose that, why there is something really wrong with you and you just better not try to take us back to the dark ages with your high and mighty thinking. 

Truthfully, there has been a lot of sin throughout our entire history as a human race except perhaps for a period of unknown time in the very beginning of Creation. 

Even when a high moral standard was upheld, a lot of those doing the upholding were secretly sinning, and taking on a greater sin of self-exaltation, self-serving and so on. A scene from the book/movie by Charles Dicken's - 'Oliver Twist' comes to mind. There in the squalor of an orphanage/workhouse were starving children while the head of the orphanage and its associates were feasting and fat- yet they dared to punish a starving child for wanting more. The blatant contradiction as the orphanage leaders proclaimed their Godly status in taking in orphans only to abuse them was a basic theme of a seedy society. In many ways today, so-called Christians are using their supposed god-fearing beliefs to wreck havoc among mankind. Am I advocating sin, saying we need to accept it? NEVER.  I'm saying we need to LOVE above all and that includes any sinner. We are not to conform to any sinners way, but that shouldn't keep us from loving them. 

Ahhh, I know I'm fighting a battle that isn't winnable in the sense all of society will one day be at peace and no one will sin- and by sin- I mean no one will be separated from God's love. That will never occur for us human beings governing ourselves, never. Christ will return as our conquering King of Kings, and only then will we eventually behold a world at peace- His world above and eventually our world below will be wiped clean of all sin.

May we not be found among those who hate the light of truth. May we forever be ready to seek truth in all things, loving truth and despising evil. Let us govern ourselves in this first and foremost being very careful of taking on an air of superiority - a huge beam in your eye- way of seeing things. Be humble to all without exception. Look to your own self before you open your mouth to expose another's life in anyway as being sinful. Seek forgiveness, love even your enemies- do good to those who hurt you terribly, love with the love of Jesus. Leave ALL condemnation to Him, all of it!  Watch your own life, your own actions, answer to God for your way of living- and let others see to theirs. Chances are 99% of those who hate light and only want darkness to cover their evil- know their own sinfulness and your pointing it out will do nothing.  Call sin, sin, but leave it there unless God truly directs you otherwise- but don't call out the sinners in a personal one on one, unless it's to love and not condemn, unless it's not condoning while not condemning another's eternal life. 

Joh 3:19  And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 

Joh 3:20  For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 

Joh 3:21  But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

May we do truth and come to the light so we are unashamed because we live for God. Our actions should be wrought only in God.  May God bless us and keep us in HIM always- through Jesus Christ our LORD and SAVIOR now and forever!!! Amen !!!!