While I Was Weeping.

 From a seed to a seedling, my daily vigil witnessing the miracle of gardening, I took you along with me on my journey.  It was never trivial to you. You shared my happiness over the blooming Sunflowers, the Morning Glories- you were there when I lamented of them ever flowering, and you were there when their purple wonder opened on the long vines. You laughed when I told you the Morning Glories were taking over the garden, and I can still see your smile slip away when I mentioned how much they were even enjoying the okra stalks. Okra plants were sacred to you and their being invaded by the Morning Glories was frowned upon. Still, you didn't mind, not as long as your okra blossoms in their glorious yellow and deep purple flourish alongside the invader vines.  

This year you were looking so forward to the okra, and I praise God you were able to enjoy it a few times as it started to produce. There we were, sitting around the dining table once again- and you asked after the okra a week before you left us. I told you it was finally starting to get taller, you mentioned the summer rain is when it will really take off. I said, I really like the tall okra, not the short stuff- you see- I bought various kinds okra seeds- trying them all. You readily agreed that you too liked the tall okra, the taller the better--   we shared a smile. We were waiting on the taller okra… we were waiting on the summer rains…  they came while I was weeping.

I'll continue to watch the okra grow, and the tallest stalks will be a constant reminder of you, of me, of us.

The Zinnias out front were so small, you were waiting for them to bloom. 

They too, as I wept, dared to keep on living, keep on growing, budding and yes, now blossoming-- their beauty marred only by my being unable to share it with you. I know though, I know you'd smile and I can see your smile etched in my heart. Sleep on love, sleep on as the world continues to turn, as the flowers continue to blossom, the okra continues its ascent towards the sky. Sleep on, in the peace of a rest deserved after so much pain. Sleep on for now. I love you. 

*******

"…not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit saith the LORD of hosts."  Zech. 4:6

By the Spirit of the LORD,  I live.

"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." Heb.11:13

I am persuaded of the future promised resurrection, the future promised new earth, until then I confess I am a stranger and pilgrim on this sin filled world.

"But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city." Heb.11:16 

I desire a heavenly country prepared by God unashamedly. My God prepares.

"Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward." Heb. 11:25,26

Suffer now, refuse sins pleasure. Christ worth more than anything this world has to offer-- anything! No earthly treasure is greater than Christ, not a single one! All the suffering of living now worth the joy of Christ eternally. 

All by the grace and mercy of the Lord, Jesus Christ, my Savior now and forever! Amen!

Twenty-One Days Ago...

 Twenty days tomorrow, how is that possible? How? Twenty-one days ago you were still living. Twenty-one days ago at this very moment I was sitting in my chair in our bedroom, and you were sitting in your wheelchair near me. I say near me but truthfully, there was too much distance between us- wheelchair dictated distance, along with an injured shoulder on my part -I could no longer pull my recliner close to you. Prior to your surgery way back in May of 2021, we sat next to each other every night and we'd hold hands. 

No not the entire night, but from 11pm to 1am, it was our ritual of intimacy. A ritual that slipped away as you slipped away from me. I didn't know, I couldn't know that part of our lives was slipping away never to be recovered, we always kept recovery's hope for our future, always. 

The distance between our two chairs wasn't meant to be forever. Our lives changed, and while the ritual of intimacy altered it wasn't completely gone- not a single night went by without a kiss, a hug, and an, "I love you."  

Twenty-one days ago you were watching your television shows, the shows you watched without me. Why without me? Because it was the Sabbath still.

You didn't let the Sabbath separate us though. You still wanted me near you. I would put on headphones and start listening to my Christian music, or sermons and the occasional Christian movie. The majority of time I would be immersed in my worship through song and study, and as I'd get caught up in the music I'd sing out loud and you never censured me, never told me to be quiet, never told me to stop singing, never once told me to leave the room. Even when my worship songs had me singing at the top of my lungs, you just carried on as if it wasn't a problem at all whatsoever. Why? Why did you choose to have me there with you, in the room as I worshiped in song, rather than send me out to another room where you didn't have to hear any of it at all? I offered, more than once, I offered and you always said no, you wanted me in there with you. Even though I was a million miles away in my worship of God, you wanted me there with you physically. I asked why, but I know why, I do…  you loved me and didn't want that distance from me not even for a single night. 

Twenty-one nights ago you were with me, as the Sabbath ended you turned to me and asked if it were over. I told you, yes, and we began to watch our shows. Even as you would play your Mahjong on the computer and I'd continue with my studies, or other things- we would watch our shows. 1 o'clock came along, I went to you… I kissed you goodnight…I hugged you… I told you I love you…  you kissed me goodnight… you hugged me…. You told me you love me…

….for the very last time. 

Oh, those words! For the very last time! My days are filled with those words! You did this for the very last time! You did that for the very last time! It was the last time you had that! It was the last time you said this! For the very last time you laughed! For the last time you looked at me! I remember, oh, I remember that last look! I remember…your eyes were filled with shocked surprise, and mine mirrored yours, our last look… for the very last time…

…until eternity.

Twenty-one nights ago you were alive loving me for me. You didn't let our spiritual differences separate us, and I know you could have, but you didn't- you loved me so much. Stripped of that love is it any wonder I'm wandering aimlessly grasping at the past trying to gather as much of that love as I can. This patchwork quilt of memories I wrap daily around my heart just to keep it beating…just to keep yours beating with mine for as long as I can.

Why am I sharing our love with others, why am I letting them gaze through this window of our lives, of our past? Because, my grief is bleeding through my words, my mourning pouring out of my soul, each letter a tear. And, I can't seem to quiet this desperation inside that wanders the hollow halls of my life empty of you. 

Psa 56:8 … put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? 

Psa 39:12  Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were. 

Psa 39:13  O spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more

Isa_25:8  He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it.

Rev_7:17  For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

Rev_21:4  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Because He Lives- 

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus

He came to love, heal and forgive

He lived and died to buy my pardon

An empty grave is there to prove my savior lives

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living, just because He lives

How sweet to hold a newborn baby

And feel the pride and joy He gives

But greater still the calm assurance

This child can face uncertain day, because He lives

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living, just because He lives

And then one day, I'll cross the river

I'll fight life's final war with pain

And then, as death gives way to victory

I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He reigns

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living, just because He lives

I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living, just because He lives

I Will Meet You In Eternity.

 2Co 4:17  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory

Every awful, heavy weight designed by evil to crush our very existence is a LIGHT affliction.

Every pain, heartache, devastation meant to steal all our hope now and through eternity's endless time- is but a MOMENT in light of the infinity of life.

All the horrors of life ARE WORTH the eternal weight…the glory of our God, our Lord, our Savior. 

2Co 4:18  While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for 

the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Unseen eternity- let us look to the unseen.

Unseen eternity- life beyond this life.

Unseen eternity- our hope.

Unseen eternity- we will meet in eternity when that very last trump sounds. When my Lord appears in the sky! When He calls us to meet Him in the air! Then… then I will meet you in eternity.

That which is unseen will be seen.

I'm not looking at what is seen.

I'm looking for the unseen.

The hope of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

The hope of the unseen you.

The day you awake from death's sleep.

The day we meet our Lord together.

The day our eternity is realized.

Hope is unseen.

Hope is reality.

I know hope, I know Jesus my Savior.

I know you.

I will see my Savior.

I will see you again, Jerry.

Sleep my love, our Lord is awake.

Our Lord will return.

Our Lord will wake all the dead.

Our Lord will change all the living.

I will meet you in eternity, whether I'm living or dead when that glorious day arrives.

All by the grace and mercy of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, now and forever! Amen!

*******

2Co 4:1  Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not

Mercy. I faint not.

2Co 4:2  But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

In the sight of God. 

2Co 4:3  But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost

Hidden to the lost.

2Co 4:4  In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them. 

Blinded from, not by, the light of the glorious gospel of Christ!

2Co 4:5  For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake. 

Preach Christ Jesus.

2Co 4:6  For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 

God commands light into our dark hearts.

2Co 4:7  But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. 

We CANNOT put the treasure in ourselves, we have no power to do so.

2Co 4:8  We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair

Troubled- so many troubles.

Perplexed- so much perplexity.

No distress, no despair- trust in God.

2Co 4:9  Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed

Persecuted.

Cast down.

Not forsaken, not destroyed- trust in God.

2Co 4:10  Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 

Willing to suffer - to believe.

2Co 4:11  For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. 

Willing to die-  to believe.

2Co 4:12  So then death worketh in us, but life in you. 

Sharing Christ, willing to die to give the knowledge of life everlasting. 

2Co 4:13  We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak

We believe-we speak.

2Co 4:14  Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. 

God raised His Son! God will raise us up- by His Son! 

2Co 4:15  For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. 

Grace given! Thanksgiving raised up loud! All to the GLORY of GOD!

2Co 4:16  For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. 

We perish now… but we will be renewed in Christ every day!

The Song of Jerry.

 The silence. You weren't loud, so why is the silence so deafening now? Just your presence was noise, how couldn't I have known that? I should have known. For eleven months you were in and out of hospitals and rehabs, I spent many hours without you here at home with me- but the noise of you was still here with me. Noise is so much more than sound did you know that? Your entire living being was its own sound. The sound of you. The knowledge of you alive even when  you were miles away, was its own music in my life. The background melody of my own song. The melody didn't fade away slowly, it was cut off abruptly. Yes, you were in poor health, but for so long we lived with that as the tune you played. The skips in the vinyl we constantly reset, even when there were more scratches than smooth playing. It was your song being played and I thought we were on the same recording, I never realized we were on two separate players, and when yours stopped, mine would keep going. The song of you has ended and my song keeps reaching out for yours…only to be met by silence. 

The first of many days throughout a year that we held as being special, was today- my birthday. I can still picture your face, and hear your voice as we were talking around the dinner table- you, me, the kids and you asked, "So, what do you want for your birthday?"  I didn't know, I couldn't have known then you'd be gone on my birthday. I told you I didn't want anything, but we both knew my wheels were just turning as I tried to figure out what I'd eventually tell you I wanted. I never got to tell you the things I was mulling over…  Was it better that way? You not knowing, not ordering something, not having that last gift from you after you were gone? I don't know. What I do know is I have many years of birthday cards, many years of birthday memories to hold on to, I have our birthday songs.

The silence of you on this day, when birthday traditions came and went without being met, was broken by the love of my children, my family, my friends with all their birthday greetings for me, their phone calls, their messages, their love.  I am blessed.

In my new found solo recording, I can hear the still small voice of God. 

1Ki_19:12  … and after the fire a still small voice.

Thank you, Lord for keeping me from singing alone. You aren't the song of Jerry, but You created Jerry's song for my life, You created my song, and Your still small voice united our songs together. Your still small voice separated our songs. Your still small voice is a voice of love, of promise for a day when all our songs will be reunited once more in eternity with You. 

All glory, praise, and honor to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Now and forever. Amen!!!!!!!

Ashes of My Beloved.

 The call came, not to me but to my sister Beth. They tried to reach me, but I didn't answer. They tried over and over and finally they called the other number they had- my sister's. I didn't purposely ignore their call, my cellphone was in my purse, neglected because that phone and I have never been close friends. To some, their phones are an extension of their arms, their lives, I use a laptop/tablet for my online life. So, yes, my cellphone was in my purse dead for all intents and purposes, the battery life - zero. So, I didn't get the call, as I said… my sister did. 

The blessing that my sister is to me, she knew better than to call me with the news, she came over to my house, sat down with me, talked with me a little bit and then she said…

"The crematorium called, Dorene, Jerry's ashes are ready to be picked up." Her voice was soft, filled with compassion, her eyes already brimming with unshed tears for me, for her, for the whole of all those who are mourning the loss of my husband.

My reaction to the news? Honestly, I don't know what I said. I do know I heard my sister ask me more than once, "Where are you, Dorene? You're not here with me."  I was zoning out, I was lost in that numb world of those who mourn, the void so large it truly is easy to get lost inside of it and have no outward reaction at all because for the moment it's all too overwhelming.

Then the tears came, and the howling in my heart was so loud, so internally deafening, I zoned out again. That tiny spark of unreality, that teeny tiny bit that longed for none of this to be real, that there'd been some awful mistake, that Jerry was really alive and would be coming back home - that almost non-existence unreality of a thought was crushed by the heel of that call, ground down into nothingness, everything was all too real- Jerry was gone, real, real gone…  

And one of many songs Jerry loved by Van Morrison - his favorite singer - just echoed in my mind- because he used to sing it to me… I was His love, He was real gone on me… but now when I hear those words-  real, real gone…my mind trips over their meaning… and changes it to Jerry being real, real gone. 

This thing called grief is huge! This thing called grief twists reality- taking what you knew to be your normal and smashing it to pieces all the while offering you tidbits of itself because you so desperately want that life back! You grasp at some of the old normal, but the lingering newness of even the old normal actions are now tainted by the new truth of the new normal.

I wasn't this way with my mother's passing! My mother wasn't cleaved to me, my mother wasn't one flesh with me- Jerry was one with me- my husband by the grace of God, in the sight of God, we were joined. Now…now…there is a void. In that void my Lord God promises me protection, promises healing, gives me hope, peace, love. 

Jerry's ashes were there on the counter of the small office, and I reached for them, he was mine to hold. I held the box with what remains of him physically in my arms all the way home, and he sat on the table with my arms, my hands around him for a long while. I carried him to another room with me, and then yet another, then I knew… I needed to put Him down- I couldn't keep carrying him with me, he wouldn't want me to.  I walked over to the chess set he'd made a few years back, a chess set he proudly showed off and rightly so - it's a thing of beauty- and I made a place for him there on top of it. So there his ashes are for now. My heart is filled with pain, yet love; anguish, yet peace; grief, yet hope. The mourning goes on for now, and as my oldest sister who also lost her beloved husband, Ben, has told me- the mourning never stops entirely- it just lessens. The loss is never forgotten, but the pain grows dim. From time to time it will rear up and take the breath away, but it won't be like it is right now- a constant battle to breathe.  I will hide under the wings of my Savior, I will let His feathers cover me, He will be my shield and buckler through this spiritual, emotional, physical war of grief. 

Psa 91:4  He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 

*

Psa 91:1  He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 

Psa 91:2  I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 

Psa 91:3  Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. 

Psa 91:4  He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 

Psa 91:5  Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; 

Psa 91:6  Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. 

Psa 91:7  A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 

Psa 91:8  Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. 

Psa 91:9  Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 

Psa 91:10  There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 

Psa 91:11  For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 

Psa 91:12  They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 

Psa 91:13  Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. 

Psa 91:14  Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 

Psa 91:15  He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 

Psa 91:16  With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation. 

My Personal Belief.

 I long for the return of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I long for the day that those who have died will rise from their graves to meet Him in the air. What a glorious day that will be. I long to see my husband who so recently entered death's sleep rise up from the dead when Jesus returns. My husband, my mother, my father, and so many loved ones I long to see again. 

 I know my beliefs aren't the typical beliefs that most people have about those who die, but they bring me great solace. I'm of the firm belief that God knows our hearts each and every one of us and in knowing us, He knows our faith.  There are many who live in other countries who believe in reincarnation- that the dead come back as another being, or another form altogether, and still others believe there is absolutely nothing at all after death- no resurrection when Christ returns, that it is just an end. People have many, many beliefs and I would never judge another person's eternal life, never, that is for God alone. 

The following is an excerpt of something I wrote a few months back, I just felt the need to put it here again. 

God help us all to only seek Him, His love, and His truth, may our hearts belong to Him.

All through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, now and forever!

*******

"Everyone believes we go to heaven when we die, or… you know, to hell. It's just what everyone believes, or most everyone, any Christian anyways. What are you saying happens?"

"I'm saying when you take your last breath then that life giving force of breath returns to God and you fall into death's sleep. Death's sleep is the end of all thought. The Bibles says 'Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.' Think of is as a form of suspended animation- for all that makes us who we are. That breath of life holds our very essence, this is the miracle of life. Adam's body was nothing until the breath of life from God was breathed into him."

"Are you crazy? Suspended animation, uh, don't you need a body for that?"

"Do you? I mean you're saying a spirit comes from our bodies and is that any less crazy than a spirit essence being in suspended animation? Why? When God translated Elijah to heaven He took him along with his body. When Jesus rose from the dead it was with His body and with His body He returned to heaven. In fact when Jesus died and rose many were raised from the graves…"

"Wait, what?" 

"Read it- 

Mat 27:51-53 "And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,  And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many. "

"Yeah, so?"

"These people that had their graves opened came out of those graves after Jesus rose from the dead, tell me, if they'd already had their spirit's taken from their bodies and they were in heaven from the moment of their deaths, what in the world was Jesus doing? Why would they rise from the grave and go into Jerusalem and appear to many? Why? If they were these spirit ghost type beings from the moment of their deaths they didn't need to rise from the grave to appear to others, right? Do you see, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever if you believe that happens. If you believe those dead were sleeping in death's sleep and when their graves were opened and Jesus rose, calling them from those opened graves they awoke from death's sleep with their body, and obviously not a decayed body. They were resurrected mind, body, spirit every part of them as a whole person was raised and that's what's going to happen to us too, when Jesus returns for us. The Bible tells us plainly…"

"Plainly? Nothing about this is plain." 

"The Bible plainly states- 'Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished. If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable. But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept. For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. But every man in his own order: Christ the firstfruits; afterward they that are Christ's at his coming.'  Did you hear that last bit… Christ would rise and the firstfruits, those He called from the graves at His resurrection, and the rest of us and all those that hadn't been called from the graves when He rose, they will be made alive at Christ's second coming, when He returns for us! It's right there as plain as day! They that are Christ's at his coming! At his coming!"

"Uh, but …"

"There are more verses-  

'For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.' Do you see, the Lord is descending from heaven with a shout….with the trump of God, and the dead in Christ shall rise! It's right there?! Tell me why, why if they are already risen they are rising again?! Why?! All the dead in Christ will rise together in that day and we will all meet the Lord together and never be parted from Him again, never!"

"I just don't see why it matters what you believe. It doesn't hurt anyone to believe people are in heaven right now when they die. Who cares, really? If it brings comfort to people to believe that it's harmless."

"Yeah, lies are harmless that's what the Bible teaches. Truth doesn't matter, that's what Jesus says. Believing Satan over God, no problem it isn't hurting anyone."

"What do you mean, believing Satan over God?"

"God said man would die if they sinned and what did Satan say to Eve? You won't die. Dying isn't just moving on to another form of life, that's a Satanic lie, and Satan used it on Eve and got her to sin! You say it's harmless, no, it's far from harmless. It takes so much away from God when people believe Satan's lie that they just keep on living. I'm no authority on it all, I wish I were. I have done studies and if you truly want to know the truth and why it's not a harmless belief, you'll read all of the following link, yeah, it's long, a whole 32 or so pages but what's 32 pages when you are searching for truth? Make sure you take your Bible and look up every single scripture for yourself.  If when I die everyone who says they care for me in any way would take the time out of their lives to read all of this, it would be such a blessing - a last prayer, a last wish, a last hope for them of mine that they do this. If after they've read it all they still believe in what they believe now, at least they've had an opportunity for truth. I just hope and pray not a single post is made about me being in heaven, not one and if there is- that there is someone among those reading this that would set them straight and send them all this letting them know where I really am, asleep in the Lord Jesus Christ, waiting for Him to raise me from my grave when He returns for all those who are His." 

"I, uh, I'll read it now, I don't want to wait until you're dead. I don't know if I'll die before you, I mean we don't know when we're going to die. This is really important to you, isn't it?"

"Yes, very important to me. I don't want anyone deceived. I don't want a single person to have to hear Jesus say He doesn't know them at all because they think they are doing His will, when they aren't, not really. If you are proven to be advocating something that exalts Satan over God, then you have to stop believing that thing you may have thought was from God, but isn't. It's not easy. People don't want to give up something they've believed in all their lives, something most people believe in, they just don't." 

"Did you ever believe that you go to heaven when you die?"

"Yes, I did for many years. I was raised to believe that way, as a lot are."

"What happened when you found out you were wrong?"

"I was shocked, I didn't want to believe it was a lie. I didn't want to believe that so many people could be wrong- that my loved ones could be wrong, that I could be wrong. I studied and studied, praying and doing my best to know what was right and what was wrong, I couldn't refute the truth though, I just couldn't. Let me rephrase that, I could refute the truth. I could snatch up a few of the verses people love to hold up that seem to prove they are right but they take them out of full exegetical context without even being aware that they are. They study part of the truth, they don't want the whole picture, not the real, deep down nitty gritty studying that means doing something like reading a 32 page long article and taking time to look up every verse given. When it comes to our eternal life you'd think people would be eager to read it all even if just to be able to refute it all with their version of things. Show me Biblically, exegetically where I'm all wrong and I'll study and pray and study some more to know the truth and only the truth, God help me."

"Hey, no dying just to get people to read this, okay?"

"It's out of my hands, but I don't want to die any time soon that's for sure. I'd love to be alive when Christ returns, to witness His coming in the clouds, to hear the last trump sound, to be raised up from the ground and changed from mortal to immortal as I meet my beloved Savior in the air! Oh what a glorious day that will be! Such a glorious day!"

"Amen!"

"May we both live to see that wondrous day, God willing! All through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, may it be so! I'm not going to heaven when I die, but by the grace of God I am when Jesus returns and either calls me from my grave or translates me to heaven having never tasted death!"

*******

Please read it, but pray first! 

https: //sites.google.com/site/whostosaywereright2/Home/immortality-of-the-soul-is-it-a-scriptural-doctrine

Do Not Worry- My Husband's Sentiment As Well As My Savior's.

 Tomorrow. For some tomorrow never exists. Eventually for us, tomorrow won't exist. We must live our lives as if tomorrow does exist for us, to do otherwise would mean what? 

My husband who passed away two weeks ago today had plans that included a tomorrow, but those plans died with him. They were good plans, plans for a favorite dessert to be had, plans for a return to the scroll saw work he loved to do, plans to have his daughter make him a lamb dinner, plans for his son to help him figure out getting a wheelchair ramp for our car, plans for an upcoming visit with his sister, Judy, brother in law, Tom and their friend. These things he planned for weren't things of worry and distress, they were things he desired to take place. My husband didn't live worrying about his tomorrows, not for the most part. If anything, my husband was more worried about my tomorrows than his own.  

Jerry taught me that I shouldn't worry, but my nature is one of worry- a fault of mine that I constantly need to seek my Savior for, needing forgiveness because my Savior doesn't want me to worry either. Worry doesn't change anything, my husband said this and my Savior, Jesus says the same thing. 

I can look to the memory of my husband and what seemed to me to be an unnatural ability not to worry, and holdfast to that. I can look to my Savior and know that no matter what comes as my future alters- with the possibility of even losing my entire current way of life- home, possessions, the nearness of current family members, the garden I've planted again and again for several years, the trees I've watched grow from seedlings to over 15ft tall, the cuttings of trees given me by a hospice nurse before my mother passed, trees Jerry wanted planted- waiting to enjoy their fruits. So much might be altered, so much might be changed in my life, the future wants to fill me with fear and foreboding- but my Savior wants me hope, my future to be Him. Should I lose all things- home and garden, friends and family being close, possessions once owned by great grandparents, grandparents, parents and yes, my husband- I will still have the greatest treasure of all, Jesus and salvation in Him. We are told to put our treasures in heaven…

Mat 6:20  But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 

Mat 6:21  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also

Laying my treasures in heaven… where life changing, my husband passing, cannot take a single thing I've place there with my Savior, this is what I must do through the grace of God, by faith in my Savior and not in myself.

Treasures in heaven. Will I mourn the loss of my earthly treasures, I imagine so, but by the grace of God I will take all my solace in my heavenly treasures- my Savior and eternal life with Him one day, those future joys no one, and nothing can take from me. 

God's will be done.

I will live as if tomorrow exists, I will make plans just as my husband did, just as we all do. I will live trusting in my Savior, He alone knows what my future holds. May I, through the Holy Spirit, learn not to worry, but to trust, to have faith in my God.

Jesus said--

Mat 6:34  Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. 

Mat 6:11  Give us this day our daily bread. 

Mat 6:25  Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 

Lam 3:22  It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 

Lam 3:23  They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. 

Heb 13:5  Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 

Heb 13:6  So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

Joh 14:27  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid

Joh 16:33  These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. 

Act 14:22  Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God. 

1Th 3:3  That no man should be moved by these afflictions: for yourselves know that we are appointed thereunto. 

1Th 3:4  For verily, when we were with you, we told you before that we should suffer tribulation; even as it came to pass, and ye know. 

Mat_28:20  Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.