The Works Bear Witness.

 'Jesus answered them, I told you, and ye believed not: the works that I do in my Father's name, they bear witness of me…' John 10:25

Jesus' works bore witness of Him.  What works did Jesus do? Miracle, after miracle, the miracles Jesus performed were too numerous to count. 

Joh 21:25  And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen.

The WORLD itself could NOT contain the books that should be written of the things that Jesus did.  Think about that for a moment. Jesus did SO many things there aren't enough books to contain them!  Do you think that is just a metaphor? Something to say because Jesus did so much? Even if you think that is so, we truly can't imagine all the many miracles Jesus performed, we just can't. 

Jesus' works. Every single miracle was a testament to Jesus. Every single word He spoke was a work of His truly. His words are life and light to the world. To think that His words weren't part of His works would be a mistake. The miracles, the words of life, the entire existence of our Savior was one of performing the work He was sent into the world for and that was all for our salvation! 

Every work Jesus did was in the Father's name. He could do NOTHING without the Father, nothing.

Joh 5:19  Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise. 

The Son can do nothing of himself but what he seeth the Father do!

Joh 5:30  I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me. 

Of Himself Jesus could do NOTHING. 

'Jesus answered them, I told you, and ye believed not: the works that I do in my Father's name, they bear witness of me…' John 10:25

They believed NOT. So many people still believe not. It's true. Sometimes Christians fancy that the entire world believes as they do, but it's not true at all. We have various polls conducted and right now there are less and less people that believe the Bible is God's true word at all. Less people believe that Jesus is the Son of God. Less people believe in God. All these polls spur Christians to imagine they need to covert everyone even if they need to use force, shame, anger, hate to do so. Jesus is and was only LOVE. We need to LOVE not condemn anyone!

Those Jewish men that Jesus answered when asked to tell them if He were the Messiah, they did NOT want the truth at all in any way. They wanted Jesus to say the words that would condemn Him to death. They didn't care about Jesus' works- all of them and there were too many to count. Every single work a testament to Jesus' Sonship to the Father and they were blind to them all. Blind then and blind now. Blind, unable to see at all beyond their own pride, their own selfish. There is a message for US today in this, a message that we need to study God's words and learn of all of Jesus' works because they testify of His Messiahship. We might not witness first-hand the miracles, we might not hear the voice of our Savior as He speaks the words of His many messages, but they are all meant for us to comprehend as reality. 

Jesus only speaks truth, may we believe His truth. 

All through His amazing love, now and always!!!!!!!  

Crying Over Okra/ Do We Hear Jesus' Voice

 I am so blessed. My sister, Debbie took me out to Perkins today for a belated birthday brunch, which was delicious. Thank you, Debbie!  And yesterday I went to my sister, Beth's house for a bit and  her granddaughter, Lyla came up to me and said, "Razzi, (a nickname) I have a question for you." So I asked her what the question was and she replied, "Can I have more okra?"  I laughed, I was so thrilled! I told her, "Yes, Cupcake would have LOVED how much you and Devlin (who despises most vegetables) love okra!"  It broke my heart a little that Jerry didn't live long enough to know that two of his adopted grandchildren, love okra- something he loved so much.  He would have loved sharing it with them and knowing ten year old Lyla even enjoys cooking it herself for everyone! It does my heart good to share the okra with her, I haven't been able to cook it again just yet, too many emotions come up for me to even try. Crying over okra… crying over missing my love, no one loved okra as much as he did, no one.  I am blessed to have a lifetime of wonderful memories to sting my eyes with tears. Each salt tinged trail slipping down my cheeks will be well traveled and welcomed.  God is good.

******  Bible Study

'How long dost thou make us to doubt? If thou be the Christ, tell us plainly.'

Jesus was confronted by the Jews in the temple, they asked such a telling question. Basically insisting our Lord to stop playing games and just let them know if He was the promised Messiah. The thing is, and Jesus tells them this… that He'd already told them and they didn't believe Him.

Today so many people have access to the truth yet they still choose not to believe what they hear. They dance around all over the truth and still refuse to believe. They don't want to hear Jesus' voice, they want to follow a voice pleasing to their ears speaking things they like and nothing more. If anything Jesus says interferes with their lives they twist things around until they are following their made up Messiah and not Jesus at all. We have to hear Jesus' voice. We have to follow Jesus. 

'Jesus answered them, I told you, and ye believed not: the works that I do in my Father's name, they bear witness of me. But ye believe not, because ye are not of my sheep, as I said unto you. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.'  John 10:25-29

*******

Joh 10

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers. 

This parable spake Jesus unto them: but they understood not what things they were which he spake unto them. 

Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep. All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them.  I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 

I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep.

The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. 

As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.

And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.

Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again. No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father. 

There was a division therefore again among the Jews for these sayings. And many of them said, He hath a devil, and is mad; why hear ye him? Others said, These are not the words of him that hath a devil. Can a devil open the eyes of the blind? 

And it was at Jerusalem the feast of the dedication, and it was winter. And Jesus walked in the temple in Solomon's porch. Then came the Jews round about him, and said unto him, How long dost thou make us to doubt? If thou be the Christ, tell us plainly. 

Jesus answered them, I told you, and ye believed not: the works that I do in my Father's name, they bear witness of me. But ye believe not, because ye are not of my sheep, as I said unto you. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.

Then the Jews took up stones again to stone him. 

Angel Wings and Rainbows.

 A blessed day today, complete with not one but three rainbows! I stepped outside this morning to get some milkweed cuttings for the caterpillars and what a wondrous cloud filled sky there was. There were three feather angel wing clouds and so many others. In another cloud was a very small barely there, presence of a rainbow. I went inside and grabbed up my camera, these clouds, that rainbow, were too beautiful to let pass without pictures! When I returned with the camera the rainbow was even brighter than it had been! The whole sky brought me a sense of peace and expectation for the Lord. Then later as I was going to a store to pick up a couple of things, there was another gorgeous rainbow. The thing is, there was no rain in sight either time. Then that third rainbow I saw when I was driving home from my sister's house was settled between two white clouds with just a light gray haze, but still no real rain at all. As I continued the 15 minute ride home, the rainbow only became brighter and brighter. Such a glorious sight! God's promises are in those rainbows each and every one a reminder of God giving and God keeping His promises! One promise in particular came to mind -

Joh 14:1  Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. 

Joh 14:2  In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 

Joh 14:3  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. 

Joh 14:4  And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. 

Jesus will come again and receive us unto Him, and we will join Him in heaven! My Jesus is returning! Oh, I know, since He died 1,991 years ago people have been saying the same thing. There are plenty who would be happy to throw it in the faces of believers that generation after generation believe Jesus is going to return in their lifetime but it hasn't happened, and won't happen.  IT WILL HAPPEN. Jesus is going to return, it's a PROMISE of GOD! And every time I see a rainbow in the sky I am reminded of all the promises God has made and all those He has kept and all those He has yet to keep! They will come to pass-- those He has yet to keep, they are promises! 

2Pe_3:9  The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

2Pe_3:13  Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.

1Jn_2:25  And this is the promise that he hath promised us, even eternal life.

Another Ride On Rollercoaster- Grief.

 Today I received a sympathy card in the mail and no, it's not the first sympathy card I've received, God has blessed me greatly in this way, but for some reason I was completely overcome with emotion. The tears came hard and fast, and I was distraught in a way that took me by surprise. You see, I've been getting better lately, you know, getting a handle on things. Yet today, well, if I'm being completely truthful, the entire day had been an off one. Things just felt different somehow. Even Matthew told me today when he came home from work that things are just hard. We were both having particularly trying days not from outside influence but inside, heart hard things. While death is a normal part of living, it's still wrong and anyone who believes otherwise, well, I don't know what to say to them. 

In the Garden of Eden, Satan seduced Eve into sin and the result was death. We weren't created to die. This horror named death steals people from us, steals those who mean so much to us. Death is vile and something to be HATED! Yes, I know it's a part of life and as such we have to accept that it is, but we do not have to let our acceptance rob of us the tragedy of death. We are meant to despise death with every part of our being. Death is a reminder of the first sin by mankind. Sin-Death closed the Garden of Eden and took immortality from us. Worst of all, Sin-Death caused a separation between us and God! God in His mercy stepped in and offered us a way to defeat ETERNAL death. We would suffer here and now, we would die because sin's result is death, but we would not be forsaken in that death. We were given hope and that hope is found in Jesus Christ, the God who died so we could live eternally. When that last trump sounds and Christ returns, the dead in Him will rise to meet Him in the air! They will RISE! They will LIVE! They will put on IMMORTALITY! Yes, I'm shouting, I know I'm shouting, but I have to shout because it is that knowledge, that HOPE, that breathes life into me right now. 

Yes, I cried today at the love shown to me in the special hand written words of that card, because those words were of Jesus' love. 

I cried and then I called my sister and cried some more. She reminded me that I'm still on the rollercoaster of grief- and the thing is- she reminded me that I'm not just grieving for my husband alone. This rollercoaster is uniquely designed just for me and as its sole occupant I have access to all its many cars. On this rollercoaster I may take the front car and as it ascends this front car named, Jerry, surrounds me completely. Then a loop-de-loop later I'm flung into a middle car named, Mom. Before too long another crazy side twist and I'm tossed into a car named Michele, And so it goes. The grief I'm going through brings up many older, less wild rides through death's past and my sister told me it's okay… it's okay to cry for them all.  

I'm no longer spending entire days on the rollercoaster, but every day it shows up and takes me for a spin around the incredible, ever changing track. Some days I'm taken for a ride or two. Some days they're short rides, other days long ones. It's going to be this way for a bit and I know it, and I don't have to like it. I absolutely do not have to like the rollercoaster designed by death. I can accept not liking it, and cling to my Savior, Jesus Christ. He'll join me every time I get on the rollercoaster, a fellow passenger I can bury my face against and hold tight to on the anything but smooth rides. He'll hold me tight always, filling me with hope. I know His promise that one day there will be no more death is very real, I believe in Him and all His promises!

I love you, Lord!  I love you, all of you who have taking time out of your lives to think of me in all the many ways you have! Each and every one of you is a blessing, and I pray you are blessed for your kindness!  

My study today was going to be on the following Bible verses- but that will be tomorrow if God wills. Tonight I had to write what was on my heart once more. 

God bless us all! In the name of our most loving Savior, Jesus Christ our Lord, now and forever!!!!!!!  Thank you, Lord! Amen!

Joh 10:1-  

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers. 

This parable spake Jesus unto them: but they understood not what things they were which he spake unto them. 

Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep. All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them.  I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 

I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep. The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. 

As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep. And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd. Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again. No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father. 

There was a division therefore again among the Jews for these sayings. And many of them said, He hath a devil, and is mad; why hear ye him? Others said, These are not the words of him that hath a devil. Can a devil open the eyes of the blind? 

And it was at Jerusalem the feast of the dedication, and it was winter. And Jesus walked in the temple in Solomon's porch. Then came the Jews round about him, and said unto him, How long dost thou make us to doubt? If thou be the Christ, tell us plainly. 

Jesus answered them, I told you, and ye believed not: the works that I do in my Father's name, they bear witness of me. But ye believe not, because ye are not of my sheep, as I said unto you. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.

Then the Jews took up stones again to stone him. 

Little Ones To Him Belong.

 Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Did you sing along with those words? Did you mentally recite them if not say them aloud? Are you one of the 'little ones'? Do you belong to Jesus? 

What exactly does it mean to belong to Jesus? Do we each have our own idea of what it means? I believe we have to because so few agree with each other. You might think I'm wrong because whole denominations, whole faiths have hundreds, thousands, millions of people who join them and say they believe alike on the same principles of faith. It's true that each recognized church has their beliefs and those in that church agree to adhere to them. 

Yes, there are some churches that say any and all are welcome without having to declare any beliefs, but those churches still have their basic faiths. Would they allow disruptive, violent, abusive people into their services if all those people do is cause chaos? No. They might tolerate them for a short while and try to get them to calm down and be civil, but if they carried on and on and on so that no one else could speak- they really wouldn't be allowed to stay. Therefore their beliefs include at least that one must be respectful and peaceful towards others. There are basic beliefs all churches have.

One assumes a church goer is seeking a faith and that is why they are going to a church. Still, what does it mean to belong to Jesus? Can people who go to church not belong to Jesus? Can you belong to Jesus one day and not the next day? Can you turn your back on Jesus?  These are legitimate questions to think about, to ask ourselves. 

Joh 10:27  My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: 

Joh 10:28  And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 

Joh 10:29  My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand. 

Joh 10:30  I and my Father are one. 

Jesus' sheep hear His voice…they follow Him.

So the question is, do we follow Jesus, and what does it mean to follow Jesus? Sheep do follow the voice of their shepherd. A shepherd guides the sheep from their pen and out into the fields. Does the shepherd leave them out in the fields on their own after leading them there? No. The shepherd stays with the sheep and watches them. The shepherd herds the sheep- keeping them going in the direction he wants them to go. When a sheep goes astray the shepherd finds that sheep and brings it back to the fold. When danger threatens the sheep the shepherd protects the sheep. Jesus is our shepherd, we are the sheep who need the shepherd. As a sheep we are to always listen to our shepherd. As sheep we are to go where our shepherd leads us. As sheep when we need protecting we must trust that our shepherd will do that for us. 

We belong to our Shepherd, just as sheep in reality belong to their shepherd. You may fuss and say the shepherd may only be a hired hand, but that's not always true. And, even if the shepherd is a hired hand, that shepherd cares for each and every one of those sheep. You may continue to fuss and say not all shepherds are good ones. You're right, they aren't, but our Shepherd Jesus is the Good Shepherd.

Joh_10:11  I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

Jesus is our Good Shepherd- are we good sheep?

More tomorrow by the Grace of God! All through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, now and forever!!!  All in His amazing LOVE. We are so blessed! Thank you, LORD!

Christian.

 I am a Christian. Saying those words to some people ignites fury within them. It's true, I'm not exaggerating, I wish I were.  Sometimes the fury it ignites is so great they kill the one saying those words, I'm not joking, I wish I were. Today Christians in general are taking a lot of backlash for things going on in our world. Some people lump ALL Christians into a single contemptible group, hating them all equally simply because they believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. They don't bother separating the numerous factions of Christians. They could care less about any of the too many to count differences among Christian groups. When you call yourself a Christian- a follower of Christ, to them that's all that matters. They want you to feel ashamed to be called a Christian because there are a lot of horrible, horrible Christians in the world. Christians that have no true idea of what a true Christ follower is. They've taken the worst of the worst Christians and decided all Christians must be the same. They are not.   

In ALL different areas of life there are good and bad of the same kind, and when you label ALL of one kind bad because some are bad then you in essence are automatically bad for doing so. I will never stop being a Christian, never. I will forever be a Christ follower no matter what anyone else thinks about that.  

We can't fix this world. Jesus didn't come to fix the world under its current leadership- Satan. Those in his day believed He'd come to fix their world, to rid them of their tormentors, to usher in a whole new way of life. He didn't, at least not in the way they wanted Him to. Many thousands were very disappointed when they realized Jesus wasn't there to take up a banner and a sword to defeat their enemies near and far. They'd seen Jesus perform miracle after miracle and they were sure this miracle worker was there to fix their world, fix their current existence. Why wouldn't the miracle worker fix their world? He could have. Jesus had the power to fix the world, of that there is no doubt. Jesus didn't come to fix this world though, He came to fix the people for the world to come in the future, a new world- one not created by anything man can do. Jesus didn't tell us that we could erase evil from the world. Jesus didn't tell us we had the power to make mankind whole, we don't. Jesus wanted us to preach the gospel of the kingdom, as He had done. And the gospel of the kingdom is heaven with Him. The good news is one of salvation, one of redemption, one of hope for our future- Inheriting the Kingdom of God.

1Co 15:52  In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 

1Co 15:53  For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 

1Co 15:54  So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. 

So many Christians have lost sight of the true Jesus. It's true. They've manufactured their own version of Jesus and hold Him high, when he is nothing like the real Jesus, nothing at all. 

Jesus told us this…

Joh 14:2  In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 

Joh 14:3  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. 

Joh 14:4  And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know

Did you read that? Did you really? Jesus said… IF I GO AND PREPARE A PLACE FOR YOU I WILL COME AGAIN AND RECEIVE YOU UNTO MYSELF THAT WHERE I AM THERE YE MAY BE ALSO.

He is preparing HEAVEN for us, not this earth! The earth will be totally made new, but only after all who are Christ's are raised up to meet Him when He returns, and we live in heaven for a time. Jesus will COME AGAIN and receive us to Him! 

Jesus didn't say to lay up treasures on earth. Jesus did say where our treasure is that is where our heart is. Our treasures are to be in heaven and our heart in heaven with those treasures. 

Words like pilgrims and strangers, in connection with our place on earth denote something other than considering this world our home. 

2Co 4:18  While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

Christ wants our mind on the eternal, not the temporary. Christ wants us to love Him and love others… and that love is NEVER about forcing ANYONE to become a Christian, never! Any Christian who forces a single thing on another person is NOT a Christian. I have my own home, and in my home as a Christian I can live my life as a Christian- because I am blessed to live in a country that allows this. If you come into my Christian home you would be expected to respect my beliefs. If I forced you into my home that's a whole other story. 

Christ did not use force or condone it at all. Christ taught if His beliefs weren't accepted by others the believers were to leave- not fight with them and try to force them to believe. Leave, not fight. Jesus KNEW this world would never have a majority of Christ followers, He knew.

Mat 7:13  Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 

Mat 7:14  Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. 

FEW there be that find it… FEW. 

Jesus did not say go and force the world to follow Christian beliefs, that's NO WHERE in the BIBLE, NO WHERE! 

While a broad road of supposed Christians seek to bring this world to a Christian place,  they are doing so under Satan disguised as an angel of light, not under Christ. 

May God help us ALL. May God open our hearts to ONLY HIS TRUTH. May we love as He loves with His love! May we be true Christ followers - loving ALL, forgiving ALL, seeking forgiveness for our own many imperfections and failings.

All through Jesus Christ our LORD and SAVIOR now and forever!!!!!!!

Last One...For Now.

 I know I've probably already talked about this- more than once, twice, three times- but here I go again. I was told only three days to grieve and I fought for a month and was given no more than a month. I can still see Jerry shaking his head as I fought for more than three days. Surely three days should be enough, right? Absolutely not. As I've been informed by many loved ones- friends and family- grieving goes on for the rest of our lives, it just changes over time. The initial shock wears off, and then as each new day comes and the gut punch of grief lessens somewhat. I have to say somewhat because there are days I'm sucker punched by grief as if it were the first day I'd lost him. To be honest though, bits and pieces of normalcy are peeking up from where they've been hiding and trying to intrude upon my grief. Part of me doesn't want to abandon my grief because it feels as if I'm abandoning him along with the grief. I don't want my life to feel okay without him. It will though, it has to. We live on and make a choice to either cling to the emotional pain refusing to let it go, or we choose to loosen our grip on that pain telling ourselves it doesn't mean I love you less and that you aren't worthy of a lover's mourning that lasts forever. Queen Victoria wore mourning clothes for forty years after her husband of twenty-one years died. Is she to be praised for such devotion, such depths of her love? Do we measure our love for a loved one passing by refusing to allow ourselves to be happy? I don't think so, rather, I know we aren't. Yes, I know I've said most of this before, don't worry I'm hoping I won't be repeating myself much after this.

Jesus said-

Luk_4:18  The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.

When Jesus walked the earth during His three year ministry, he healed the brokenhearted.  Who were those brokenhearted? The grieving? I'm sure a lot of those brokenhearted were grieving the death of loved ones and Jesus healed them from that pain. Jesus took away the wrong path of grief, the path that leads to destruction, to darkness. That wrong path to grief is a reality, and it's a fear loved ones have for those who are caught up in grieving. My loved ones have given me a lot of supportive advice on how to keep from going down that dark path. I need to let myself be okay with smiling, with laughing, with living without my husband. He would want that for me. I know it for a fact beyond disputing- he only wanted to give me three days to grieve. Yes, he knew that three days wasn't a realistic thing to ask- the emphasis he was portraying by even saying three days was on the fact he didn't want my life to stop the day he left it, he wanted my life to go on with a lot of smiles, with much laughter, with joy, with hope, with happiness. I already have Jerry's blessing to let go of the darkness that wants me to equate the depths of my love with the length and ways I mourn. Most importantly I have my Savior wanting to heal my broken heart. Heal me, Lord, heal me as only You can do.

I think part of my healing is going to be going back to my Bible Studies as I did them before Jerry passed on to His long sleep. No more dwelling on the loss in these writings. That doesn't mean I won't occasionally speak of Jerry and my life without him, but I can't let myself focus on that. Even as I write those words the darkness looms telling me that I'm horrible for even thinking it let alone really doing it- but I recognize the darkness for what it is, and I won't be bullied by it. I loved Jerry with my whole heart and nothing will ever change that, nothing. If I laugh instead of cry, that will not change my love for him. And if I cry without letting it consume me, that's okay too, it won't change my love for him. If I stop writing about my life with and without him so much, it won't change my love for him. I love him forever.

Thank you, Lord, for loving me and allowing me Jerry's love. Please keep on healing my broken heart with Your love, now and always! I love you, my Savior Jesus Christ, my Lord. Amen.

A special thank you to all my friends and family who have encouraged me to grieve through my writing, your love is a blessing. I know you'll all understand, because you've understood my journey already. God bless you all! <3