Recognizing Our Need For Salvation.

 A Pharisee was not some crazed cultish figure with outrageous behavior. A Pharisee was considered a respectable man of God- devout, chosen, God-fearing. A Pharisee was someone considered blessed by God, they were revered and held in the highest esteem. Pharisees were given the respect that we can equate to that given to the Pope today. I would say priests today but after all the scandals associated with priests, preachers, evangelists, men and women who are supposed to have been called by God- the respect for the clergy in most faiths- Protestant, Catholic or otherwise- isn't what it once was. 

These Pharisees supposedly blessed by God were called out by Jesus, the Son of God. Just imagine the uproar that caused. The uproar eventually grew so loud that Jesus, the Son of God, had to be murdered into what they'd hoped was a permanent silence. The murderers were supposed to be GOD'S favorite people! The murderers believed they were doing God's will by destroying Jesus, God's only Son. The murderers were not known as violent criminals with dubious backgrounds, suspicious behavior, reckless disregard for authority, and blatant breakers of the laws governing the people. These were upstanding citizens! These were pillars in the community! The murderers were known to be God fearing! 

Jesus saw beyond their outward show of religiosity. Jesus could see into their hearts! 

Today there are so incredibly many who lay claim to being God-fearing while their hearts are filled with a poison that they don't even know exists there.  None of those Pharisees believed themselves to be corrupt. None that I'm aware of that is, some suspected that's for sure. People can be poisoned in their hearts and never suspect it at all. A heart filled with pride truly blinds us to our own state of being. We need to fall to our knees, face to the ground lamenting our unclean hearts and unrenewed spirits. We need to recognize we all only wear filthy rags as our own righteousness. We must be SAVED… because we are in a situation where saving ourselves is completely impossible! Please, Lord, please, Father in Heaven, please, Holy Spirit… please search our hearts and see if there is any evil way in them and lead us in the way everlasting! Create a clean heart in us! Renew a right spirit in us! Clothe us with Your righteousness! Please! We don't want to be like a Pharisee of old believing we are God fearing when in truth we are blinded by our pride so completely we can't recognize our own awful sinfulness. We want to be Yours, Lord, we want to be YOURS now and forever! Amen!!!!!!!

Mat 23:1-39  

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Continuing from Steps to Christ--

'Chap. 3 - Repentance

 How shall a man be just with God? How shall the sinner be made righteous? It is only through Christ that we can be brought into harmony with God, with holiness; but how are we to come to Christ? Many are asking the same question as did the multitude on the Day of Pentecost, when, convicted of sin, they cried out, "What shall we do?" The first word of Peter's answer was, "Repent." Acts 2:37, 38. At another time, shortly after, he said, "Repent, . . . and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out." Acts 3:19. 

Repentance includes sorrow for sin and a turning away from it. We shall not renounce sin unless we see its sinfulness; until we turn away from it in heart, there will be no real change in the life.

There are many who fail to understand the true nature of repentance. Multitudes sorrow that they have sinned and even make an outward reformation because they fear that their wrongdoing will bring suffering upon themselves. But this is not repentance in the Bible sense. They lament the suffering rather than the sin. Such was the grief of Esau when he saw that the birthright was lost to him forever. Balaam, terrified by the angel standing in his pathway with drawn sword, acknowledged his guilt lest he should lose his life; but there was no genuine repentance for sin, no conversion of purpose, no abhorrence of evil. Judas Iscariot, after betraying his  Lord, exclaimed, "I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood." Matthew 27:4. 

The confession was forced from his guilty soul by an awful sense of condemnation and a fearful looking for of judgment. The consequences that were to result to him filled him with terror, but there was no deep, heartbreaking grief in his soul, that he had betrayed the spotless Son of God and denied the Holy One of Israel. Pharaoh, when suffering under the judgments of God, acknowledged his sin in order to escape further punishment, but returned to his defiance of Heaven as soon as the plagues were stayed. These all lamented the results of sin, but did not sorrow for the sin itself. 

 But when the heart yields to the influence of the Spirit of God, the conscience will be quickened, and the sinner will discern something of the depth and sacredness of God's holy law, the foundation of His government in heaven and on earth. The "Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world," illumines the secret chambers of the soul, and the hidden things of darkness are made manifest. John 1:9. Conviction takes hold upon the mind and heart. The sinner has a sense of the righteousness of Jehovah and feels the terror of appearing, in his own guilt and uncleanness, before the Searcher of hearts. He sees the love of God, the beauty of holiness, the joy of purity; he longs to be cleansed and to be restored to communion with Heaven. 

 The prayer of David after his fall, illustrates the nature of true sorrow for sin. His repentance was sincere and deep. There was no effort to palliate his guilt; no desire to escape the judgment threatened, inspired his prayer. David saw the enormity of his transgression; he saw the defilement of his soul; he loathed his sin. It was not for pardon only that he prayed, but for purity of heart. He longed for the joy of holiness--to be restored to harmony and communion with God. This was the language of his soul: "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputeth not iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no guile." Psalm 32:1, 2. "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Thy loving-kindness: According unto the multitude of Thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. . . . For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. . . . Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. . . . Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Thy presence; And take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation; And uphold me with Thy free spirit. . . . Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, Thou God of my salvation: And my tongue shall sing aloud of Thy righteousness." Psalm 51:1-14. 

 A repentance such as this, is beyond the reach of our own power to accomplish; it is obtained only from Christ, who ascended up on high and has given gifts unto men. 

 Just here is a point on which many may err, and hence they fail of receiving the help that Christ desires to give them. They think that they cannot come to Christ unless they first repent, and that repentance prepares for the forgiveness of their sins. It is true that repentance does precede the forgiveness of sins; for it is only the broken and contrite heart that will feel the need of a Saviour. But must the sinner wait till he has repented before he can come to Jesus? Is repentance to be made an obstacle between the sinner and the Saviour? 

 The Bible does not teach that the sinner must repent before he can heed the invitation of Christ, "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. It is the virtue that goes forth from Christ, that leads to genuine repentance. Peter made the matter clear in his statement to the Israelites when he said, "Him hath God exalted with His right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins." Acts 5:31. We can no more repent without the Spirit of Christ to awaken the conscience than we can be pardoned without Christ.

Christ is the source of every right impulse. He is the only one that can implant in the heart enmity against sin. Every desire for truth and purity, every conviction of our own sinfulness, is an evidence that His Spirit is moving upon our hearts. 

 Jesus has said, "I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto Me." John 12:32. Christ must be revealed to the sinner as the Saviour dying for the sins of the world; and as we behold the Lamb of God upon the cross of Calvary, the mystery of redemption begins to unfold to our minds and the goodness of God leads us to repentance. In dying for sinners, Christ manifested a love that is incomprehensible; and as the sinner beholds this love, it softens the heart, impresses the mind, and inspires contrition in the soul.

 It is true that men sometimes become ashamed of their sinful ways, and give up some of their evil habits, before they are conscious that they are being drawn to Christ. But whenever they make an effort to reform, from a sincere desire to do right, it is the power of Christ that is drawing them. An influence of which they are unconscious works upon the soul, and the conscience is quickened, and the outward life is amended. And as Christ draws them to look upon His cross, to behold Him whom their sins have pierced, the commandment comes home to the conscience. The wickedness of their life, the deep-seated sin of the soul, is revealed to them. They begin to comprehend something of the righteousness of Christ, and exclaim, "What is sin, that it should require such a sacrifice for the redemption of its victim? Was all this love, all this suffering, all this humiliation, demanded, that we might not perish, but have everlasting life?"

 The sinner may resist this love, may refuse to be drawn to Christ; but if he does not resist he will be drawn to Jesus; a knowledge of the plan of salvation will lead him to the foot of the cross in repentance for his sins, which have caused the sufferings of God's dear Son. 

The same divine mind that is working upon the things of nature is speaking to the hearts of men and creating an inexpressible craving for something they have not. The things of the world cannot satisfy their longing. The Spirit of God is pleading with them to seek for those things that alone can give peace and rest--the grace of Christ, the joy of holiness. Through influences seen and unseen, our Saviour is constantly at work to attract the minds of men from the unsatisfying pleasures of sin to the infinite blessings that may be theirs in Him. To all these souls, who are vainly seeking to drink from the broken cisterns of this world, the divine message is addressed, "Let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely." Revelation 22:17.  

You who in heart long for something better than this world can give, recognize this longing as the voice of God to your soul. Ask Him to give you repentance, to reveal Christ to you in His infinite love, in His perfect purity. In the Saviour's life the principles of God's law--love to God and man--were perfectly exemplified. Benevolence, unselfish love, was the life of His soul. It is as we behold Him, as the light from our Saviour falls upon us, that we see the sinfulness of our own hearts. 

We may have flattered ourselves, as did Nicodemus, that our life has been upright, that our moral character is correct, and think that we need not humble the heart before God, like the common sinner: but when the light from Christ shines into our souls, we shall see how impure we are; we shall discern the selfishness of motive, the enmity against God, that has defiled every act of life. Then we shall know that our own righteousness is indeed as filthy rags, and that the blood of Christ alone can cleanse us from the defilement of sin, and renew our hearts in His own likeness.

 One ray of the glory of God, one gleam of the purity of Christ, penetrating the soul, makes every spot of defilement painfully distinct, and lays bare the deformity and defects of the human character. It makes apparent the unhallowed desires, the infidelity of the heart, the impurity of the lips. The sinner's acts of disloyalty in making void the law of God, are exposed to his sight, and his spirit is stricken and afflicted under the searching influence of the Spirit of God. He loathes himself as he views the pure, spotless character of Christ. 

 When the prophet Daniel beheld the glory surrounding the heavenly messenger that was sent unto him, he was overwhelmed with a sense of his own weakness and imperfection. Describing the effect of the wonderful scene, he says, "There remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no strength." Daniel 10:8. The soul thus touched will hate its selfishness, abhor its self-love, and will seek, through Christ's righteousness, for the purity of heart that is in harmony with the law of God and the character of Christ. 

Paul says that as "touching the righteousness which is in the law"--as far as outward acts were concerned --he was "blameless" (Philippians 3:6); but when the spiritual character of the law was discerned, he saw himself a sinner. Judged by the letter of the law as men apply it to the outward life, he had abstained from sin; but when he looked into the depths of its holy precepts, and saw himself as God saw him, he bowed in humiliation and confessed his guilt. He says, "I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died." Romans 7:9. When he saw the spiritual nature of the law, sin appeared in its true hideousness, and his self-esteem was gone. 

God does not regard all sins as of equal magnitude; there are degrees of guilt in His estimation, as well as in that of man; but however trifling this or that wrong act may seem in the eyes of men, no sin is small in the sight of God. Man's judgment is partial, imperfect; but God estimates all things as they really are. The drunkard is despised and is told that his sin will exclude him from heaven; while pride, selfishness, and covetousness too often go unrebuked. But these are sins that are especially offensive to God; for they are contrary to the benevolence of His character, to that unselfish love which is the very atmosphere of the unfallen universe. He who falls into some of the grosser sins may feel a sense of his shame and poverty and his need of the grace of Christ; but pride feels no need, and so it closes the heart against Christ and the infinite blessings He came to give. 

 The poor publican who prayed, "God be merciful to me a sinner" (Luke 18:13), regarded himself as a very wicked man, and others looked upon him in the same light; but he felt his need, and with his burden of guilt and shame he came before God, asking for His mercy. His heart was open for the Spirit of God to do its gracious work and set him free from the power of sin. The Pharisee's boastful, self-righteous prayer showed that his heart was closed against the influence of the Holy Spirit. Because of his distance from God, he had no sense of his own defilement, in contrast with the perfection of the divine holiness. He felt no need, and he received nothing.  

If you see your sinfulness, do not wait to make yourself better. How many there are who think they are not good enough to come to Christ. Do you expect to become better through your own efforts? "Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil." Jeremiah 13:23. There is help for us only in God. We must not wait for stronger persuasions, for better opportunities, or for holier tempers. We can do nothing of ourselves. We must come to Christ just as we are. 

But let none deceive themselves with the thought that God, in His great love and mercy, will yet save even the rejecters of His grace. The exceeding sinfulness of sin can be estimated only in the light of the cross. When men urge that God is too good to cast off the sinner, let them look to Calvary. It was because there was no other way in which man could be saved, because without this sacrifice it was impossible for the human race to escape from the defiling power of sin, and be restored to communion with holy beings,--impossible for them again to become partakers of spiritual life,--it was because of this that Christ took upon Himself the guilt of the disobedient and suffered in the sinner's stead. The love and suffering and death of the Son of God all testify to the terrible enormity of sin and declare that there is no escape from its power, no hope of the higher life, but through the submission of the soul to Christ. 

The impenitent sometimes excuse themselves by saying of professed Christians, "I am as good as they are. They are no more self-denying, sober, or circumspect in their conduct than I am. They love pleasure and self-indulgence as well as I do." Thus they make the faults of others an excuse for their own neglect of duty. But the sins and defects of others do not excuse anyone, for the Lord has not given us an erring human pattern. The spotless Son of God has been given as our example, and those who complain of the wrong course of professed Christians are the ones who should show better lives and nobler examples. If they have so high a conception of what a Christian should be, is not their own sin so much the greater? They know what is right, and yet refuse to do it. 

 Beware of procrastination. Do not put off the work of forsaking your sins and seeking purity of heart through Jesus. Here is where thousands upon thousands have erred to their eternal loss. I will not here dwell upon the shortness and uncertainty of life; but there is a terrible danger--a danger not sufficiently understood--in delaying to yield to the pleading voice of God's Holy Spirit, in choosing to live in sin; for such this delay really is. Sin, however small it may be esteemed, can be indulged in only at the peril of infinite loss. What we do not overcome, will overcome us and work out our destruction. 

Adam and Eve persuaded themselves that in so small a matter as eating of the forbidden fruit there could not result such terrible consequences as God had declared. But this small matter was the transgression of God's immutable and holy law, and it separated man from God and opened the floodgates of death and untold woe upon our world. Age after age there has gone up from our earth a continual cry of mourning, and the whole creation groaneth and travaileth together in pain as a consequence of man's disobedience. Heaven itself has felt the effects of his rebellion against God. Calvary stands as a memorial of the amazing sacrifice required to atone for the transgression of the divine law. Let us not regard sin as a trivial thing.

 Every act of transgression, every neglect or rejection of the grace of Christ, is reacting upon yourself; it is hardening the heart, depraving the will, benumbing the understanding, and not only making you less inclined to yield, but less capable of yielding, to the tender pleading of God's Holy Spirit. 

Many are quieting a troubled conscience with the thought that they can change a course of evil when they choose; that they can trifle with the invitations of mercy, and yet be again and again impressed. They think that after doing despite to the Spirit of grace, after casting their influence on the side of Satan, in a moment of terrible extremity they can change their course. But this is not so easily done. The experience, the education, of a lifetime, has so thoroughly molded the character that few then desire to receive the image of Jesus. 

Even one wrong trait of character, one sinful desire, persistently cherished, will eventually neutralize all the power of the gospel. Every sinful indulgence strengthens the soul's aversion to God. The man who manifests an infidel hardihood, or a stolid indifference to divine truth, is but reaping the harvest of that which he has himself sown. In all the Bible there is not a more fearful warning against trifling with evil than the words of the wise man that the sinner "shall be holden with the cords of his sins." Proverbs 5:22.

Christ is ready to set us free from sin, but He does not force the will; and if by persistent transgression the will itself is wholly bent on evil, and we do not desire to be set free, if we will not accept His grace, what more can He do? We have destroyed ourselves by our determined rejection of His love. "Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation." "Today if ye will hear His voice, harden not your hearts." 2 Corinthians 6:2; Hebrews 3:7, 8. {SC 34.2} "Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart"--the human heart, with its conflicting emotions of joy and sorrow; the wandering, wayward heart, which is the abode of so much impurity and deceit. 1 Samuel 16:7. He knows its motives, its very intents and purposes. Go to Him with your soul all stained as it is. Like the psalmist, throw its chambers open to the all-seeing eye, exclaiming, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139: 23, 24.

 Many accept an intellectual religion, a form of godliness, when the heart is not cleansed. Let it be your prayer, "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10. Deal truly with your own soul. Be as earnest, as persistent, as you would be if your mortal life were at stake. This is a matter to be settled between God and your own soul, settled for eternity. A supposed hope, and nothing more, will prove your ruin. 

 Study God's word prayerfully. That word presents before you, in the law of God and the life of Christ, the great principles of holiness, without which "no man shall see the Lord." Hebrews 12:14. It convinces of sin; it plainly reveals the way of salvation. Give heed to it as the voice of God speaking to your soul. 

 As you see the enormity of sin, as you see yourself as you really are, do not give up to despair. It was sinners that Christ came to save. We have not to reconcile God to us, but--O wondrous love!--God in Christ is "reconciling the world unto Himself." 2 Corinthians 5:19. He is wooing by His tender love the hearts of His erring children. No earthly parent could be as patient with the faults and mistakes of his children, as is God with those He seeks to save. No one could plead more tenderly with the transgressor. No human lips ever poured out more tender entreaties to the wanderer than does He. All His promises, His warnings, are but the breathing of unutterable love. 

 When Satan comes to tell you that you are a great sinner, look up to your Redeemer and talk of His merits. That which will help you is to look to His light. Acknowledge your sin, but tell the enemy that "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" and that you may be saved by His matchless love. 1 Timothy 1:15. Jesus asked Simon a question in regard to two debtors. One owed his lord a small sum, and the other owed him a very large sum; but he forgave them both, and Christ asked Simon which debtor would love his lord most. Simon answered, "He to whom he forgave most." Luke 7:43. We have been great sinners, but Christ died that we might be forgiven. The merits of His sacrifice are sufficient to present to the Father in our behalf. Those to whom He has forgiven most will love Him most, and will stand nearest to His throne to praise Him for His great love and infinite sacrifice. It is when we most fully comprehend the love of God that we best realize the sinfulness of sin. When we see the length of the chain that was let down for us, when we understand something of the infinite sacrifice that Christ has made in our behalf, the heart is melted with tenderness and contrition.'

The Ladder Between Earth and Heaven.

 Tonight I'm going to post an excerpt from a book called- 'Steps to Christ.' I know a lot of my friends and family already have amazing relationships with Christ and I praise, and thank God for that blessing. Forty years ago I read this book and I've gone over it a few times in my posts/blog whatever you want to call these things I write, but I want to continue going over it. I posted Chapter 1 back on June 20, and I just got sidetracked from continuing. 

I hope you get a chance to read this, it's not something that can force you to take a single step towards Christ if that isn't your inclination, if you just don't believe in Christ at all. Yes, it's called Steps to Christ- but the journey is one of the heart- and not a single word written in this book can cause you to make that journey. I don't know what your reason might be for wanting to read it- I would love if it were to gain even a tiny bit of possible new insight that God might desire for you to have- if there is insight possible. I would think it amazing if you wanted to take a chance on reading it simply to find out if you like it- or not. 

Long and short of it, I can't make a single person read this and I don't want to make anyone read a single thing. I can hope you'll read it and take from it what you will, but that's all I can do. They are just words on a computer/tablet/phone screen but they speak of the Word that was made flesh. Almost sounds like a beginning of a fantasy tale-- Sit down, let me tell you a story. Long ago, in a place further away and yet closer than you can imagine lived the Word. Yes, a living Word. How is that possible? How can the Word live? Well, that's not the part of the story I want to tell just yet, I want to jump ahead to the moment the Word became flesh!

Ah, yes, the beginning of an exciting reality for all that people might want to believe it mere fantasy.

Read on- and may God bless you deeply with the pure enlightenment that only He can give. May the Holy Spirit bring comfort to you by opening up truth to your heart.  All through the of my Lord and Savior, may God the Father's will be done, now and forever- amen!

Book Excerpt:  Steps to Christ--

'Chap. 2 - The Sinner's Need of Christ

 Man was originally endowed with noble powers and a well-balanced mind. He was perfect in his being, and in harmony with God. His thoughts were pure, his aims holy. But through disobedience, his powers were perverted, and selfishness took the place of love. His nature became so weakened through transgression that it was impossible for him, in his own strength, to resist the power of evil. He was made captive by Satan, and would have remained so forever had not God specially interposed. It was the tempter's purpose to thwart the divine plan in man's creation, and fill the earth with woe and desolation. And he would point to all this evil as the result of God's work in creating man.

In his sinless state, man held joyful communion with Him "in whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." Colossians 2:3. But after his sin, he could no longer find joy in holiness, and he sought to hide from the presence of God. Such is still the condition of the unrenewed heart. It is not in harmony with God, and finds no joy in communion with Him.

 The sinner could not be happy in God's presence; he would shrink from the companionship of holy beings. Could he be permitted to enter heaven, it would have no joy for him.

 The spirit of unselfish love that reigns there --every heart responding to the heart of Infinite Love --would touch no answering chord in his soul. His thoughts, his interests, his motives, would be alien to  those that actuate the sinless dwellers there. He would be a discordant note in the melody of heaven. Heaven would be to him a place of torture; he would long to be hidden from Him who is its light, and the center of its joy. It is no arbitrary decree on the part of God that excludes the wicked from heaven; they are shut out by their own unfitness for its companionship. The glory of God would be to them a consuming fire. They would welcome destruction, that they might be hidden from the face of Him who died to redeem them. 

 It is impossible for us, of ourselves, to escape from the pit of sin in which we are sunken.

 Our hearts are evil, and we cannot change them. "Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? not one." "The carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be." Job 14:4; Romans 8:7. 

Education, culture, the exercise of the will, human effort, all have their proper sphere, but here they are powerless. They may produce an outward correctness of behavior, but they cannot change the heart; they cannot purify the springs of life. There must be a power working from within, a new life from above, before men can be changed from sin to holiness. That power is Christ. His grace alone can quicken the lifeless faculties of the soul, and attract it to God, to holiness.

 The Saviour said, "Except a man be born from above," unless he shall receive a new heart, new desires, purposes, and motives, leading to a new life, "he cannot see the kingdom of God." John 3:3, margin. The idea that it is necessary only to develop the good that exists in man by nature, is a fatal deception. "The natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." "Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again." 1 Corinthians 2:14; John 3:7. Of Christ it is written, "In Him was life; and the life was the light of men"--the only "name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved." John 1:4; Acts 4:12. It is not enough to perceive the loving-kindness of God, to see the benevolence, the fatherly tenderness, of His character. It is not enough to discern the wisdom and justice of His law, to see that it is founded upon the eternal principle of love. Paul the apostle saw all this when he exclaimed, "I consent unto the law that it is good." "The law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good." But he added, in the bitterness of his soul-anguish and despair, "I am carnal, sold under sin." Romans 7:16, 12, 14. He longed for the purity, the righteousness, to which in himself he was powerless to attain, and cried out, "O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from this body of death?" Romans 7:24, margin. Such is the cry that has gone up from burdened hearts in all lands and in all ages. To all, there is but one answer, "Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world." John 1:29. 

 Many are the figures by which the Spirit of God has sought to illustrate this truth, and make it plain to souls that long to be freed from the burden of guilt. When, after his sin in deceiving Esau, Jacob fled from his father's home, he was weighed down with a sense of guilt. Lonely and outcast as he was, separated from all that had made life dear, the one thought that above all others pressed upon his soul, was the fear that his sin had cut him off from God, that he was forsaken of Heaven. In sadness he lay down to rest on the bare earth, around him only the lonely hills, and above, the heavens bright with stars. As he slept, a strange light broke upon his vision; and lo, from the plain on which he lay, vast shadowy stairs seemed to lead upward to the very gates of heaven, and upon them angels of God were passing up and down; while from the glory above, the divine voice was heard in a message of comfort and hope. Thus was made known to Jacob that which met the need and longing of his soul--a Saviour. With joy and gratitude he saw revealed a way by which he, a sinner, could be restored to communion with God. The mystic ladder of his dream represented Jesus, the only medium of communication between God and man. 

 This is the same figure to which Christ referred in His conversation with Nathanael, when He said, "Ye shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man." John 1:51. In the apostasy, man alienated himself from God; earth was cut off from heaven. Across the gulf that lay between, there could be no communion. But through Christ, earth is again linked with heaven. With His own merits, Christ has bridged the gulf which sin had made, so that the ministering angels can hold communion with man. Christ connects fallen man in his weakness and helplessness with the Source of infinite power.

But in vain are men's dreams of progress, in vain all efforts for the uplifting of humanity, if they neglect the one Source of hope and help for the fallen race. "Every good gift and every perfect gift" (James 1:17) is from God. There is no true excellence of character apart from Him. And the only way to God is Christ. He says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me." John 14:6. 

 The heart of God yearns over His earthly children with a love stronger than death. In giving up His Son, He has poured out to us all heaven in one gift. The Saviour's life and death and intercession, the ministry of angels, the pleading of the Spirit, the Father working above and through all, the unceasing interest of heavenly beings,--all are enlisted in behalf of man's redemption.  

Oh, let us contemplate the amazing sacrifice that has been made for us! Let us try to appreciate the labor and energy that Heaven is expending to reclaim the lost, and bring them back to the Father's house. Motives stronger, and agencies more powerful, could never be brought into operation; the exceeding rewards for right-doing, the enjoyment of heaven, the society of the angels, the communion and love of God and His Son, the elevation and extension of all our powers throughout eternal ages--are these not mighty incentives and encouragements to urge us to give the heart's loving service to our Creator and Redeemer? 

And, on the other hand, the judgments of God pronounced against sin, the inevitable retribution, the degradation of our character, and the final destruction, are presented in God's word to warn us against the service of Satan. 

Shall we not regard the mercy of God? What more could He do? Let us place ourselves in right relation to Him who has loved us with amazing love. Let us avail ourselves of the means provided for us that we may be transformed into His likeness, and be restored to fellowship with the ministering angels, to harmony and communion with the Father and the Son.'

Pierce the Darkness of My Cocoon.

 Faith- in the face of trial and tribulation, in spite of a cloud of depression hovering over life trying to slink its way downwards to blanket me in a cocoon of darkness. Faith assails the creeping night creature with its brightness of hope. The light scorches the dark forcing it to give way just enough for a single golden beam to cut through, basking my heart with its life infusing balm. The light reminds me that hope comes from without, not within. 

Desperation seeks for normalcy from within only to find emptiness where there was once fulness and sadness where there had been joy. The hope comes from outside seeking entrance, I don't need to find hope within to fill the strangeness, I must let the hope come to me. I've become a stranger to myself, a stranger seeking familiarity where nothing is the same. 

My sister told me when she lost her beloved husband fifteen years ago- that she didn't know who she was anymore- how frightening it is to know who you are one day and the next you've lost such an integral part of you- you become unrecognizable.

I'm not me anymore. 

Faith tells me my Savior is the same even if I've been set on a course of unexpected and unwanted metamorphosis. Thrust into my cocoon of darkness I know beautiful things will take place inside, unseen, as my Lord works in me, so that I may be like Him, and I shall see Him as He is when He returns! Darkness may surround me in many ways but the darkness cannot defeat the light within my heart. The cocoon piercing shaft of light from my Savior's love- put there by Him daily- my hope coming into me from without- I don't have to strive to manufacture my own hope, I need faith to receive and He gives me all the faith I need.  

All praise, glory and honor unto my Savior Jesus Christ, now and forever! Amen!!!!!!!

1Jn_3:2  Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

Joh 1:12  But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: 

Joh 1:13  Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. 

Joh 1:14  And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. 

A Moment of Inspirational Realization.

 The beauty in a moment of realization is a very precious thing to be treasured. We don't pause often enough to savor a moment of peace, of gratitude, of love.  They say to treasure what you have, that you don't know how long you'll have it. They say not to take things for granted, you don't know when they'll be gone. They- whoever they are- the wise ol' people who live just to say wise tidbits I suppose- have a lot to say about life. I see memes galore recently from many 'pages I might like' giving me sage advice about life. We all know once we post something pertinent to pages their little hidden bot thingees are there to grab up the knowledge and get you into their ginormous databases just to be able to slap you in the face with their pages they want you to like- over and over again until you post something that yet another bot spy finds more relevant and they replace the old slaps with new fresh ones that are eager to draw you in, just for a click on their page- of course they always want more than a single click. 

Ah, I digress terribly. Those truly wise sayings about life being very precious aren't bad things at all. We need to be reminded of it and often because the world we live in wants us to focus more on WORK, more on PLAY, more on SELF AWARENESS. Now, you might be saying that self-awareness is a good thing to focus on but you know what? It's not, not really- not to the point the only thing you are really focused on is self. The simple- how are you today gets us believing we should be fine, just fine- so anything less than fine, just fine, makes us believe our lives aren't quite up to the snuff they are supposed to be. I could talk in circles about all this, I could go on and on endlessly, but the bottom line is - while we're waiting for our lives to be better they are simply marching on. 

Many people live lives of pure mental, emotional and physical agony- it's true. Right now I can almost guarantee there are several people in my circle of life that have lives filled with hardships of all different sorts.  That's what life is though- degrees of hardships, maybe not always our own but hardships of those we love which in a way make them our own. A life of torture- because that is what they can be sometimes, makes for a great reason to bemoan life in general. I've done a lot of that recently, but less than you might imagine from reading my posts. Truly, I'm not dwelling in a pit of misery, I'm blessed beyond measure, and I need to start writing more of the blessings and less of the grief. Though, there are blessings in the grief too.

What I started out to say way back up at the top of this post is the beauty in a moment of realization- just a moment of new comprehension- can be precious and amazing, a gift in our lives.

When I study God's word these moments of realization occur and my whole life simply pauses in that moment as the illumination gained is etched into my heart- however briefly. If you think heart etchings can't be brief, think again. Our memories of these moments are far too often whisked away as our day to day life carries on.  You remember the etch-a-sketches, you scribble all over that thing sometimes in amazing hour long fancy designs that you show off proudly and then shake, shake, shake… gone. Sure, today you could snap several photos of your art work but in days long gone now- you rarely ever bothered to snap a photo you'd have to waste precious film on for an etch-a-sketch picture. Just pretend for a moment you don't have an instant picture gadget or two to take instant pictures you can treasure forever and maybe pretend that hard worked etch-a-sketch art is accidentally erased by a simple drop of the etch-a-sketch. Gone. There for a moment, then gone. You may have worked hard on it, but it goes away. Yes, we can also use the more common - sand castle being swallowed by the tide example. You know what I'm saying, well, that's how even our most precious moments can disappear from memory, especially when those moments are abstract thoughts you are contemplating just for a short while.

I had one of those moments of realization I want to treasure a bit longer by sharing it with you. I was doing a bit of studying and a familiar Bible verse came up- the one about Jesus preparing mansions in heaven for us. I'd just read another verse about 'our earthly house' and 'desiring to be clothed upon with OUR HOUSE which is from heaven.'  

Clothed upon with our house which if from heaven (Yes, I'm repeating myself).  You know that other verse about our being the temple of God and the Spirit of God dwells in us and we aren't to defile the 'temple which we are'.

All these mentions of mansions, houses, tabernacles, temples…  

In God's heavenly house there are many mansions- ONLY us as MANSIONS will inhabit God's heavenly home. Jesus truly is preparing a place for us to be with Him, to be with God the Father. When we are taken to heaven by Jesus after His return we are being taken there 'clothed upon with our house which is FROM heaven'  Our earthly houses can 'dissolve' our earthly bodies will perish but one day we will be clothed with life everlasting- 'a building of God a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.'  We will be 'clothed upon'. Right now we really do GROAN in ourselves, our lives, our flesh, our being, this body we are given, we groan and groan and groan, longing not simply to be freed from our burdens but to be given a gift so much more important - eternal life. We need to be clothed- by our SAVIOR. He is preparing a place for us- He is doing what is needing to be done. He will cloth us with life, we will be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven!

Read these verses- 

2Co 5:1  For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 

2Co 5:2  For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven: 

2Co 5:3  If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked. 

2Co 5:4  For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life.

Maybe my moment of realization isn't one that anyone else finds enlightening in any way and that's okay, some of our moments of realization are ours to cherish in the special way our Lord would allow through the Holy Spirit in our lives. My moment of realization may seem ludicrous and confusing to you and that's okay, thank you for letting me share it anyway. I hope and pray each and every one who reads this is blessed in a very special way soon with your own moments of realization through the Holy Spirit touching your lives. All in the name of my Savior, my Lord, Jesus Christ, now and forever! Amen!!!!!!!

Joh 14:1  Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. 

Joh 14:2  In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 

Joh 14:3  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I WILL COME AGAIN, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. 

Joh 14:4  And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. 

Joh 14:23  Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

1Co 3:16  Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? 

1Co 3:17  If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. 

2Co 4:14  Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. 

2Co 4:15  For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. 

2Co 4:16  For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. 

2Co 4:17  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 

2Co 4:18  While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

Garage Musings and Mournings.

 The Garage. The original 'Man Cave'? Of course it was the original 'Man Cave'. It was the place of cars and cars were the domain of men for a long time. Garages, barns, sheds, they were mostly all for outdoor/semi-outdoor activities that men were more involved in than women. I'm not trying to stir up any masculine/feminine issues here so please, if you find your mind drifting that way- reign it in a tiny bit and try to understand - I'm of the older sort, the 'back in my day' sort when it was common not just for my dad- but for all the dads in the neighborhood (city, state, who knows) to be the ones generally responsible for the following- lawn maintenance, garbage toting, garbage can cleaning, car care and all that entails, toolboxes for the household and its surroundings repairs, any outside foliage that might need trimming, pruning (is there much of a difference between those two?) watering, fertilizing, snow shoveling (in appropriate climates though that should probably go without saying), gardening tools(though women were known to be gardeners too even in my mom's day, and her mom's.) 

Why all the garage - 'Man Cave' talk? Because for years our garage wasn't really a man cave it was just there for storage and the like. While it did hold the lawn mower (Jerry and Matthew took care of the lawn for many years without my help) it wasn't a place Jerry would hang out in just to hang out. He didn't tinker with garage things as a rule. Then he started scroll sawing, and if you are familiar with us at all you know about his scroll sawing. Once that started the garage became a 'Man Cave' of sorts. How is that relevant to anything? I'm not sure. I'm babbling again and so I continue.

When Jerry was here I longed to get my hands on cleaning that garage. You see, it became a part of my life too when he taught me how to scroll saw- it became Our Cave. I still remember the first time he asked if I wanted to try scroll sawing. Of course I said no, it was his thing, his happiness- not mine. Then he used a little bit of coercion. "Come on, just try it, you might really like it."  And Mr. 95-98% Right-All-the-Time, was right once again. I sat down at this contraption and he set about explaining the blade thing-a-ma-jig, and the clamp-whatsit, where this goes, what that does and before too long (ten seconds into the explanation) I was lost and he had to start all over again. Step by step he indulged my complete ignorance of the machine. Finally I had the wood in place the blade through the hole (the drill machine he also introduced me to made that hole) and this, that, and the other thing were all tightened and ready to go. I flipped the switch on and woah, flopping wood. Okay, now what?! He told me, just hold the wood down like so, and just move it along the line (the one he'd put there for me to follow). Easier said than done because this wasn't a straight forward type of deal. You have to have a FEEL for the blade and the wood and the temperature of the… okay, not the temperature of anything, but it isn't an exact science and any scroll sawing person who says it is, well, they're just plain lucky. 

Long story short, after a bit (maybe a minute or two) I turned the machine off and grinned at him and I said, "It's like a sewing machine but it cuts wood!" Uhm, yup, that's what I said, and I stand by it. It's really nothing like sewing in all actuality but the motion of the blade cutting, that is reminiscent of a sewing machine needle. I wasn't quite instantly hooked, but I was intrigued and soon I was making little things, and then big things and from then on it was…. "Okay… I'll scroll saw in the mornings, and Jerry, you scroll saw in the afternoons!"  And months later he was on the lookout for a cheap scroll saw machine on craigslist (they are rarely cheap) so I could have one of my own.  

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he found one in 2020 after one of his way too many back surgeries (this surgery having followed not long after a gall bladder surgery).  He was about  a week and a half out from being home from the back surgery and there popped up a deal of a lifetime. A Dewalt Scroll Saw almost just like his -only the metal table top was completely rusty. The ad said it still worked, so crazily he decided to get in the car and off we went to look at it.  We got there, he very slowly and carefully got out of the van and walked with his walker to where the machine was. Then he turned the walker around to sit down on it (yes, it was one of those fancy dancy rollators).  The man brought the scroll saw out and found an extension cord, plugged it in and showed us that it still worked. Jerry was so thrilled, but he played it cool. He put his 'time to haggle' hat on and set about talking the guy down a few bucks. I can't remember the exact price he paid for it, but he got a steal. In time that rust would come right off that table top he told me, and after greasing things up good (something he'd done as a part of regular maintenance for his own scroll saw) it would be good to go and then… then we'd have to find a place for me to scroll saw in the garage alongside him.

That dream…that hope…it never had a chance to be realized, it died too, with Him.

The scroll saw table top he was able to work on a bit with some kind of jelly stuff to remove rust- but it wasn't that easy for him. His back from the surgery didn't heal like we'd expected. Things just didn't work out. He ended up back in the hospital May 2021 for another surgery to fix what we thought the last surgery didn't fix, only to have him broken worse than ever, and from then on… he never scroll saw again.  

I still remember the last time he mentioned the second scroll saw. He was home for good from the rehab, it was in early May this year, he said that he found a guy to call about getting the rust off the table top. I sheepishly told him while he'd been in the rebab and hospital that past year I'd worked on getting the rust off with that jelly stuff and such, I wanted it to be a surprise. He shook his head and chuckled a little, and told me the next time he was out in the garage he'd have to take a look at it…

…there was no next time. 

Now, I look at the garage I'd longed so much to clean up really good while he was alive, but couldn't because he liked things just so and understandably he wanted to be a part of any rearranging.

I look at it,  and I look at it…

And I look at it and I sit there in the chair behind his scroll saw, and all the while my heart feels the very heavy weight of all that was, all that is, and all that will never be. 

On a positive note, I did manage to make a few cuts on the scroll saw- the Service Dog Project, Dog Fest piece I'd worked on a little bit before he'd gone. On a very negative note… my heart just isn't in it any more, not yet, maybe someday, maybe never, time will tell.

This little story is the a perfect example of my life right now- upbeat, a touch of humor, doing okay, and then bit by bit the upbeat becomes a downbeat and the humor fades to sadness, doing okay becomes surviving. I'd have loved for this long-winded note to have been all peppy and positive, and I'm sure someday (even possibly soon) there will be pep and positivity, not yet…not just three months, three whole long/short months since I was separated from the other half of myself. My new invisible, emotional limbs are regrowing and it takes time, a lot of time.

I know Jerry is sleeping his deep, peaceful long sleep until our Savior returns, the Word of God tells me that he does not know anything right now (Eccl. 9:5) Jerry isn't feeling any pain, and he'd felt so much pain. This is better, right? 

But it isn't better. The war of what's better for you not being better for me rages on. In the end, I never wanted you to suffer, we never want any of our loved ones to suffer- and oh, how they suffer sometimes. Sleep the sweetest sleep in peace now, my love.

I long for this day…

Rev 21:3  And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. 

Rev 21:4  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. 

Rev 21:5  And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. 

Pesky Tears.

 

A Newer Tidbit of Grief?

(A note to a note- I wrote this a few days ago and I've been mulling over whether or not I should post it. I even had one of my sisters read it first because I don't want anyone to think I'm in a bad way- I'm really not. A lot of these feelings/thoughts are those of the sort that come go quickly. I'm not dwelling in a pool of misery by any means. Even today I went outside for something or other and saw my neighbor and started chatting with her a bit (it's a very big deal me initiating a chat with an offline person **g**)- and we laughed over something, and then when we talked of Jerry a bit I was on the verge of tears, but they remained at bay. I am not despondent, and I don't want anyone who reads this to be overly concerned about me. Just normal concerned is fine. **g**)

I'm scared. No, I'm anxious. Even that isn't really the right word. I'm trying to find an elusive word to describe this really strange fear, no…it's not fear, maybe it's more like trepidation. The borderline of fear, you know that place where fear hasn't quite turned into fear -yet is so close you can all but touch it. I think that's more like it but even then maybe it's just one of those strange thoughts that blossom. A strange thought that pops into your head and then another builds upon it then you shove them all aside as you go about your day to day existence and then, out of nowhere that thought peeks into your life once more and again, you build upon the single thought until you dwell on it for a bit longer than you did the first time. 

Come on, you have to know what I'm talking about, it has to have happened to all of us. You push the thoughts away or somehow, another thought just overrides them and those odd thoughts just disappear into the darker recesses of your brain to rest, to wait, to bide their time. Then it could be a day or so later and there it is, that thought of borderline trepidation, not so horrible that it keeps you up at night or pacing any halls, or climbing any walls, but it's just there- it's invaded your life and you have to wonder, or at least I have to wonder, is it another part of my grief? 

Maybe I haven't heard about this part before. I've heard so much about the stages of grief and how topsy turvy they can be. Some following the textbook stages one after the other, another person taking them backwards, and still others mix and mingle them to suit their own way of handling things. There is no one way to grieve and that's something guaranteed in life that you can hold fast to as an absolute. I think in knowing there is no one way to grieve we are given a touch of peace in our whirlwind existence. It's nice to grab onto the peace when you can recognize it and let it ease your inside out life just a bit.

Again, I have to wonder if this new feeling that seems to want to defy exact definition is another part of losing someone you love so incredibly much, I have to voice what the thought is, or thoughts are, so maybe you can tell me of your experience — those of you who have been pushed down this abyss that isn't a straight journey downward, but one that contains many, many ledges. Land on a ledge and things seem okay for a bit, then that ledge get pulled out from under you- sometimes slowly, other times so quick you're falling and flailing about until the next soft landing of being okay-- for a while. If you know this abyss I'm talking about and you want to let me know if my **thought** (there it goes, it's legit now that it has asterisks around it) has any place in your grieving experiences.

The **thought** -  All my loved ones are going to lose their loved ones SOON.  Yes, it's the SOON part that makes this **thought** just troublesome enough it's somewhat bothersome. Obviously it's bothersome or I wouldn't be saying anything at all. It's not just an abstract ALL of my loved ones are going to lose their loved ones someday. The **thoughts** are more well defined (Stop reading if you don’t like where this is going loved ones of mine.) 

The **Thoughts** contain my loved ones names and not all the names are the same all the time, one or two here and there at different times. Debbie is going to lose Kurt--soon. Remember it's the SOON part that is bothering me the most. Diane is going to lose Lee--soon. Beth is going to lose Danny--soon. Judy is going to lose Tom-- soon. Hank is going to lose Rebel --soon…… and it goes on. If I haven't put you and your spouse in this list it's not because I haven't had the thought of it, and I'm so sorry if this freaks you out in anyway at all, I apologize deeply! That they're all going to die soon… it's just a thought that is creating an even deeper sadness, fear not fear- you know that sense of foreboding. Maybe, just maybe it has to do with our ages, most of us aren't young any more, we are mostly the next generation in our families to be getting up there.

I don't like this thinking not a single bit! I didn't have these moments, with these morbid (yes, I have to use that term even though I don't want to) thoughts  — before Jerry died.  There was the occasional thought, but it was brushed away and stayed away, now… it doesn't want to remain swept under the rug.

Is this a part of having come face to face with my own loss? I fear for the others that will have to face it? My heart is starting to creak where cracks of new grief are waiting to appear. Hopefully this too will pass as my life returns to being okay and I stay on the ledge of normalcy longer and longer. 

It could also have something to do with my Uncle John Paul passing away, and a beloved fur baby of my nephew, Zander passing of old age. Maybe it's just stirring up the unwelcomed pot of life's inevitabilities that surround all of us

Prayer helps. I give my strange trepidations to God, He knows, and whatever may happen in my life, I know ultimately He will prevail through it all, and by the grace of my Lord and Savior alone will I prevail through Him. We can ALL prevail through Him. 

Yes, I'm still hoping others will tell me this is normal, or can be a part of the normal grieving process. If not, well, let's just say it is. **g**