Saturday, January 18, 2020

The World Hates Me (Thinks I'm Very Odd) And That's Okay.


Can we all agree that there is no such thing on this earth as having a perfect life? We have expectations of how life should be, how we imagine a perfect life will be, but isn't. We tell ourselves if only this would change, or if I had that, and maybe if this wasn't how I was born- life would be much better. Why couldn't I have that look, or be born with those genes, and into that seemingly idyllic family. We will never have a perfect life. Nothing will ever give us a perfect life. There isn't a single person alive today that has had a perfect life.
We are perceived by others as being odd, and to their way of thinking we may be odd. We are perceived by MOST others as being odd, and to all their way of thinking we may be odd. We are perceived by EVERYONE as being odd, and to everyone's thinking we may be odd. To ourselves we just are. We didn't set out to be odd to anyone. We didn't set out to be different from the majority acceptable norm. We turned out this way because individuality exists.
I'm not the smartest person, I don't have the best common sense, I'm not the prettiest person, I don't have the best body shape (even thin as a board should thinnest be a criteria for best body). I don't have the best hair- not even close. My skin is awful with moles, freckles, age spots, wrinkles and various imperfections too numerous to account for. By all accounts based on every single one of these things just mentioned, I am a huge mess of a human being.
Some of the mess is my own doing, but a lot of it is not. I can't with thinking change a single thing about myself. Externally and internally I am filled with flaws that make people say-
I can't believe you didn't (insert what I didn't do here). I can't believe you thought (insert weird thinking I do here). I wish you would have (insert the many wishes I've left unfilled). Why couldn't you (insert what I couldn't do here). Shouldn't you be (insert what I should be instead). If you'd only do this (insert thing I should do) then you'd be different. Stop obsessing over (insert obsessiveness here). How could you think that (insert odd thoughts). Do you know you made me feel like I can't (insert how I obstructed feelings). Because you reacted this way (insert my not good reaction here) I can't be myself around you. With your believing (insert my beliefs) I have to watch what I say around you. This list goes on and on and on… and on… and on…….. Yes, and on. Even in my bubble wrapped world of immediate family I often end up the really odd one.
What am I left to believe? The beliefs of what so many say or something else?
The beliefs of so many, I have to believe that. The majority rules after all.
So to be able to live with myself I call myself eccentric and somehow that helps a little bit . It makes me sound okay in my extremely flawed state of being. Don't mind me, I'm just very eccentric. Nice way of saying, yeah, I know I'm weird but, hey, it's okay.
If this is your story too, don't be surprised- we are all strange to each other and some accept the others strangeness without pointing it out, while others can't help but point it out- it makes them somehow feel good about themselves.
I can let what others think destroy me, or I can accept myself and the realization that until my Savior returns and changes my vile, corruptible, flawed body and mind- I will be what I am- completely and utterly imperfect, and only growing more so over time hitting me with the 'you are aging really badly' stick. I can let Christ be the perfection I need in me, not me be perfect. I'm not perfect I'm the misshaped, oddball, who stands out even among a world of oddballs- but Christ in me is perfect.
Joh_14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Joh_15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.
Joh_15:19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
Joh_16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
Joh_17:14 I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
Joh_17:15 I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
Joh_17:16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

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