It's been a rather long, unexpectedly hard day emotionally- perhaps because today I received … I don't even want to write the words. Strange how you can read my words as if they're flowing one after the other without any great pause, when in truth some of the pauses are very long. Are there tears within the pauses- sometimes. The day began rather upbeat. My nephew Devlin turned six today and my loving sister wisely knew I needed to get out of the house for a bit so I joined them in some celebrations. As the day drew on though, I suddenly felt overwhelmed.
The memorial for my husband is in a few days and as it grows nearer, my heart grows heavier. You wanted a party- a celebration, laughter, music, good memories- and you made sure you gave all of us those- plenty of good memories to share. It will be a party and I know I will smile, I will laugh, and I will cry at your very last hooray, the guest of honor departed, but never forgotten, never.
Going back to my earlier thought- today I received your… death certificates. The official papers legally recording your passing from life to death. Natural causes it reads- you died a death unsuspicious. Your heart gave out right there in the emergency room and it still doesn't seem quite… real. Don't get me wrong, I know it's real, but the railing against the realness remains.
I listen to inspirational music and because of that throughout my grieving various songs will spring to mind. Tonight I'm sharing two of those songs along with their lyrics.
My Savior holds me in His hand-and He will help me as only He can.
Isa_41:13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
This is my prayer-
Psa_143:8 Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
All through Jesus Christ, my Savior and King!
Casting Crowns - Just Be Held (Official Lyric Video)
Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on
And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go
So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will
And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands
Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go
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Tasha Layton // Into The Sea (It's Gonna Be Ok) // [Official Lyric Video]
My heart is breaking
In a way I never thought it could
My mind is racing
With the question, "Are you still good?"
Can you make something
From the wreckage?
Would you take this heart
And make it whole again?
Though the mountains may be moved into the sea
Though the ground beneath might crumble and give way
I can hear my Father singing over me
"It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok"
I've blamed myself
And if I'm honest, maybe I've blamed You too
But You would not forsake me
'Cause only good things come from You
Though the mountains may be moved into the sea
Though the ground beneath might crumble and give way
I can hear my Father singing over me
"It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok"
From beginning to the end
You're so close
You have never let me down and You won't
In the valleys, in the shadows I know
You're so close
You're so close
Though the mountains may be moved into the sea
Though the ground beneath might crumble and give way
I can hear my Father singing over me
"It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok"
It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok
I'm gonna be ok, I'm gonna be ok
*******
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